Abandoning your family

[17vs41]

Hi guys!

Theres problem that has been bugging me lately.

Do you think its acceptable for me to abandon my family (parents, grandparents and siblings) so that i can live a life that i always wanted (openly gay)?

First, they have the dream that i'll be in a heterosexual relationship.
I'm not sure whether they will still accept me if i come out to them.
Also, it will be awkward to live with my partner in the same house as them (if they happen to accept me, which i doubt so.) e.g they dun have the basic courtesy of knocking on the door before entering. i cant imagine how the situation would be if they enter my room while me and my partner are making out.

another thing is that i've never experienced enjoyment and fun in my younger days due to my family (they dun really know how to bring up a kid happy). i feel that i will at least enjoy my adult life if i'm living away from them. after all, life is there to be enjoyed rite?

but i do tend to feel guilty to do so. do you think what i'm planning to do is rite?

Life is funny my friend. As you get older, what matters becomes more clear.

Think about this: In 20-50 years when you are knocking on deaths door and lets assume youre single, who would you want to be by your side to see you off into the next world?

You dont shit can family. You shit can freiends and others who do you legit harm, but family is blood and not to be toyed with no matter what.

[East]

Hi guys!

Theres problem that has been bugging me lately.

Do you think its acceptable for me to abandon my family (parents, grandparents and siblings) so that i can live a life that i always wanted (openly gay)?

First, they have the dream that i'll be in a heterosexual relationship.
I'm not sure whether they will still accept me if i come out to them.
Also, it will be awkward to live with my partner in the same house as them (if they happen to accept me, which i doubt so.) e.g they dun have the basic courtesy of knocking on the door before entering. i cant imagine how the situation would be if they enter my room while me and my partner are making out.

another thing is that i've never experienced enjoyment and fun in my younger days due to my family (they dun really know how to bring up a kid happy). i feel that i will at least enjoy my adult life if i'm living away from them. after all, life is there to be enjoyed rite?

but i do tend to feel guilty to do so. do you think what i'm planning to do is rite?

I divorced both of my parents and it was the best decision I ever made. My parents were toxic and scary though and it doesn't really matter that I physically left them because the effect they had on me was still there until I worked hard to reclaim my brain...and my soul....

How does this situation mirror your own?
You have to learn to accept yourself with or without your parents approval and leaving them physically is cool but they will still be in your brain until you overcome their influence. Fear, shame and guilt are powerful poisons....

[Anonymous]

Testing whether I can use quote......

[Anonymous]

Oh I give up my quote has problem. I will reply manually.

Uneunsae:

Thnks for your reply

I'm 25 years old and still have 2 more years to complete my degree. So, I'm still dependent on my parents for the school fees.

Sure, I'll start working on a plan. Right now, we have thoughts to either move to another state or even another country so that we can start our lives refreshed.

I'm sorry to hear that you are facing the same problem as me. But, don't worry your dream will be a success and you can live your desired life happily All the best Uneunsae

[Anonymous]

50plus:

Thnks for your reply

Yup, i think its possible. As typical asian people, they are trying to be dependent on me in the future. ( its like they will stop going to work and expect me to feed them once i start working. ) I have been telling them now and then that times have changed and they should be prepared to take care of themselves and not be expecting me to be there all the time. I hope they are mentally prepared now so that they won't feel like a blow when i move out.

i'm not sure whether they want to still contact me once i come out to them. i dunno whether they are parents who prefer their son to be dead rather than gay (for a gay son is an embarrassment for them)

partly why i want to move out and move to another state is because i dun want to cause any embarrassment or humiliation to them in front of their relatives and friends.

if i say i want to move out, they will most probably say "dont do that. we are family. we must be together. have you thought how we can live without you by our side.. blah blah". so i have to carefully plan and move out.

i did ask them about their opinion about homosexuals. they feel its "not natural" and everyone must be married (heterosexual) and have a child. i know this sounds ridiculous but they are quite backward ppl and only recently heard about homosexuality ( 2002 onwards ).

[Anonymous]

AdamAndWill:

Thnks for your reply

Sure, I really hope i can live a happy life with my partner in the future like you guys.
Wish me good luck

[Anonymous]

TwisttheLeaf:

Thnks for your reply

Yup, I shall focus on finishing uni first.

[Anonymous]

Bowyn Aerrow:

Thnks for your reply

I really hope they will accept me for who i am (though i have no idea how they are going to react when they find out)

[Anonymous]

AlfredMamza:

Thnks for your reply

Haha i'm glad to know that you're a malaysian too

I agree with you that we have to live with fear here cos the laws are not supportive of us.

Thnks for clarifying about the housing law i was having wrong info about it all these while haha

[Anonymous]

17vs41:

Thnks for your reply

Actually, if i'm in my deathbed, i would want my partner by my side.

i'm not sure about your last sentence. i'm assuming you are trying to say that blood is thicker than water?

Yup true, and thats what makes me feel abit guilty about it