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Hi guys!
Theres problem that has been bugging me lately.
Do you think its acceptable for me to abandon my family (parents, grandparents and siblings) so that i can live a life that i always wanted (openly gay)?
First, they have the dream that i'll be in a heterosexual relationship.
I'm not sure whether they will still accept me if i come out to them.
Also, it will be awkward to live with my partner in the same house as them (if they happen to accept me, which i doubt so.) e.g they dun have the basic courtesy of knocking on the door before entering. i cant imagine how the situation would be if they enter my room while me and my partner are making out.
another thing is that i've never experienced enjoyment and fun in my younger days due to my family (they dun really know how to bring up a kid happy). i feel that i will at least enjoy my adult life if i'm living away from them. after all, life is there to be enjoyed rite?
but i do tend to feel guilty to do so. do you think what i'm planning to do is rite?
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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I thought you wanted to abandon them because you did not like them and loathed them and could not be near them and did not want them touching you.
I thought you were leaving them once school was over. Why is you and your partner living in their house?
Perhaps one step at a time would be an awesome approach.
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Well, if they won't accept your sexuality and that is an unchanging fact I'd say the only reasonable option IS abandonment. Of course it's difficult emotionally but I'd rather live a life of freedom and sexual/romantical expression than being forever suffocated by a homophobic family. Imagine the angst when you realize you've wasted your life due to the ignorance of others.
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If I understand right, you haven't come out and you think it will be a problem because they want you to be in a straight relationship and don't think they'll support you (but don't know for sure). Additionally, you are concerned about having an SO move in with you and your family because they'd open the door on you guys gettin' busy?
Why does this mean you need to abandon them entirely? Why not just move out and see what they think when you do come out before getting rid of them from your life?
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Hiding with a bag over your head for this question doesn't mean you have to leave out all the important info that could help people give you strong advice.
Age? If you're a teen the answer would be different than if you're 25, 30 or 40.
Nation or culture if you're in a country that executes gay people the answer will be different from you living somewhere gays are treated fairly.
Career and income Can't go far without it.
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As a general rule, people grow up and build a life of their own. Doesn't necessarily mean they "abandon" their family. However, if your family doesn't want you to be happy, how are they a "family" to you? If they don't know you are gay, how do you know whether they will accept you or not? If they don't accept you then how are they your "family" other than by blood? I left my family ages ago. I had to. For me the choice was stay in their world and eventually shoot myself (or them!) or get on with my life. I chose survival. I didn't just cut them off completely but I kept my distance and limited my contact with them because they were toxic to me.
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You will not know how they react until you expose them to it.
It sounds like you're in one of the early stages of accepting yourself.
#1, the realization! Omg I think I might be gay.
#2, the irrational fear and self-loathing! Why is this happening to me? Why do you hate me god? I can cure myself if I think of pussy
#3, admitting defeat! Fine, I'll keep it a secret until everybody who knows me have died of old age. Or move far far away! Or kill myself.. This seems to be the step you're on
#4, accepting! Fuck it, what's the worst they can do? It's my life and I'll live it my way (on the highway if they kick me out, so be it!!)
#5, coming out! I'll confide in a trusted party first (sister, bestfriend or mum) and see how that goes.
#6, out! I love dick and so what? Who are you to judge? Who I love doesn't hurt you!
Also, simply don't have sex if you're in danger of family walking in on you... Control your urges. Master your body.
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50Plus Wrote:I thought you wanted to abandon them because you did not like them and loathed them and could not be near them and did not want them touching you.
I thought you were leaving them once school was over. Why is you and your partner living in their house?
Perhaps one step at a time would be an awesome approach.
Oh nope, he hasn't move in with me yet. I'm just giving a scenario of how it would be like if we are living together with my parents.
Furthermore, I'm born in a Asian country where its a custom that children should stay with their parents until they are married. Also, the country I'm living is homophobic and theres a law that only heterosexual married couples are legally allowed to buy houses. Any one are allowed to rent though, but the rent is very ridiculously high here.
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Posts: 1,725
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50Plus Wrote:I thought you wanted to abandon them because you did not like them and loathed them and could not be near them and did not want them touching you.
I thought you were leaving them once school was over. Why is you and your partner living in their house?
Perhaps one step at a time would be an awesome approach.
Oh nope, he hasn't move in with me yet. I'm just giving a scenario of how it would be like if we are living together with my parents.
Furthermore, I'm born in a Asian country where its a custom that children should stay with their parents until they are married. Also, the country I'm living is homophobic and theres a law that only heterosexual married couples are legally allowed to buy houses. Anyone are allowed to rent though, but the rent is very ridiculous high.
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Abandoning your family
Aries
