What Do You Look For In A Partner?

[Wade]

At this point I truly don't know what I'm looking for anymore. I'm far more picky than I have any right to be and I constantly find myself falling madly, deeply in love with guys who want absolutely nothing to do with me. I end up living in fantasy worlds in which I'm in a relationship with so-and-so for months at a time, only for it all to eventually come crash on my head when the cold stark reality floods in which is that he has probably never once thought about me when I wasn't in his direct line of sight.

When all is said and done, I think the one thing I'm really looking for is someone who's nice. I know that sounds overly simplistic, but it's true. One thing I've always been afraid of when trying to start a relationship is being rejected, which I guess everyone's afraid of on some level. My fear is that, perhaps irrationally, if I tried flirting with someone I liked, they'd let me down and then tell their friends and laugh at me behind my back. I know it's ridiculous, but it's stopped me from talking to people a million times.

Sorry about the tangent. I just got back from a run and there's not a lot of blood going to head right now.

[Wade]

In response to my own post, here's a poem I read for the first time yesterday by D.H Lawrence. It's called Self-Pity.


I never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself.

[matty7]

Wade, your anticipating rejection , don't do that to yourself .... ive read countless post by you and any guy would be happy to catch you, u may not see it yourself but from afar I do

[Wade]

Thanks Matty. Sorry bout the negativity. I really did just have a passing moment of teenaged girl whiny woe-is-me. My good sense has returned.

[matty7]

we all have negative days Wade , but its nice to post it here and see it in black and white , sort of a release I guess - seeing it in type lets us move on

[ChadCoxRox]

Thanks Matty. Sorry bout the negativity. I really did just have a passing moment of teenaged girl whiny woe-is-me. My good sense has returned.

It's not so much negative as an effort to be honest and real...but...I like you enough to challenge you Wade. I don't want to detract from this thread in a tangient so I'll msg you.

[Aike]

At this point I truly don't know what I'm looking for anymore. I'm far more picky than I have any right to be and I constantly find myself falling madly, deeply in love with guys who want absolutely nothing to do with me. I end up living in fantasy worlds in which I'm in a relationship with so-and-so for months at a time, only for it all to eventually come crash on my head when the cold stark reality floods in which is that he has probably never once thought about me when I wasn't in his direct line of sight.

When all is said and done, I think the one thing I'm really looking for is someone who's nice. I know that sounds overly simplistic, but it's true. One thing I've always been afraid of when trying to start a relationship is being rejected, which I guess everyone's afraid of on some level. My fear is that, perhaps irrationally, if I tried flirting with someone I liked, they'd let me down and then tell their friends and laugh at me behind my back. I know it's ridiculous, but it's stopped me from talking to people a million times.

Sorry about the tangent. I just got back from a run and there's not a lot of blood going to head right now.

Word.

I want a partner with a sense of humor yet who does not hide behind sarcasm.

This too.



I don't really have a list personality traits or anything. But what I'd probably look for is somebody similar to me in various ways. I'm not really much into "opposites attract". I'd feel pretty intimidated by a guy who is extremely outgoing, super active and has a stoic psyche. I'm gonna need someone who can deal with my relatively dull way of life and who can sympathize with my silly problems

[dynamodean]

I'm assuming we are talking about significant other rather than just a sex partner.

For me...

Ideally: someone who is different enough from me so we complement each other, challenge each other's thought processes and convictions, yet still similar enough to me where we can finish each other's sentences. Someone who is completely honest and not afraid to be blunt and truthful. Someone who can help me build on each other's strengths and support each other's weaknesses. Someone whom I'll be perfectly comfortable not saying a word to him/her and still know that everything is okay...

In reality: I'll see what I can get...

[AdamAndWill]

At this point I truly don't know what I'm looking for anymore. I'm far more picky than I have any right to be and I constantly find myself falling madly, deeply in love with guys who want absolutely nothing to do with me. I end up living in fantasy worlds in which I'm in a relationship with so-and-so for months at a time, only for it all to eventually come crash on my head when the cold stark reality floods in which is that he has probably never once thought about me when I wasn't in his direct line of sight.

When all is said and done, I think the one thing I'm really looking for is someone who's nice. I know that sounds overly simplistic, but it's true. One thing I've always been afraid of when trying to start a relationship is being rejected, which I guess everyone's afraid of on some level. My fear is that, perhaps irrationally, if I tried flirting with someone I liked, they'd let me down and then tell their friends and laugh at me behind my back. I know it's ridiculous, but it's stopped me from talking to people a million times.

Sorry about the tangent. I just got back from a run and there's not a lot of blood going to head right now.

When you say you want someone nice, that's not overly simplistic at all. I'm equating nice with someone who at his core is a good person, a decent human being. And that's the foundation for all the other desirable traits.

As for the rest of it, sometimes you have to step outside of yourself and take a risk. Easier said than done, I know, but it gets easier the more you do it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[AdamAndWill]

I'm assuming we are talking about significant other rather than just a sex partner.

For me...

Ideally: someone who is different enough from me so we complement each other, challenge each other's thought processes and convictions, yet still similar enough to me where we can finish each other's sentences. Someone who is completely honest and not afraid to be blunt and truthful. Someone who can help me build on each other's strengths and support each other's weaknesses. Someone whom I'll be perfectly comfortable not saying a word to him/her and still know that everything is okay...

In reality: I'll see what I can get...

Will: I'm not very good at putting things into words, so thank you for doing it for me. This resonated with me. It's exactly what I want.

And it takes time together to even approach this level of communication and understanding. I think that a good relationship is what Adam likes to call "a work in progress".