I will say this...
If you want or need anything in this life...
You have to make an effort..
..If you are waiting around for Mr. Right, or happiness to fall into your lap.. You might end up waiting for for a very long time.
It is time to get up... get out there and go get yours.
Don't be that bitter guy ...
If amazing things are happening to everyone around you and not you... This should be motivation for you to try harder!
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Coming across as too desperate and needy/clingy actually shows way more than you think it does, and could be scaring guys off. Work on that self confidence, and there's a good chance that guys will be chasing you instead of you chasing them.
Also... don't rely on those Disney classics as a role model for finding your dream "Prince". While we'd all like to live the fairy tale and happily ever after, the reality of how much WORK goes into a relationship is glossed over in those Princess cartoons.
You didn't say WHERE you were meeting these guys but if you're relying on dating/hookup apps, they're mostly all shallow guys just looking for quickie one nighters with genetic gods and not the best place to find anything long term.
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Well, AR, the question is, *what are you willing to do about your situation*? No one can change it but you.
You're 26 years old, apparently reasonably intelligent, and live in the US in a relatively gay-friendly urban center. It's not like you live in Lebanon like BlueStar or live somewhere out in the boonies where the only other gay critters are rabbits and billy goats.
Your self appraisal, "Shyness coupled with an aversion to bars & clubs minus any gay friends = my crappy situation," may be accurate, but is it helpful to you? Or, on the contrary, does it reinforce your already low self-esteem and reduce your motivation to do *anything* that might change your situation?
Without knowing anything about you at all, really, I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest you do something very direct: Get in shape (physically).
How? Well, first of all, take a good look at yourself naked in the mirror and ask yourself what you would LIKE to look like. Next, with that image in mind, find a personal trainer who will help you *achieve that goal*. Ideally you'll find a personal trainer who is gay friendly or just doesn't care.
This will cost you some money but it is going to be worth it. I would encourage you to work with the trainer for at least a month (preferably 3 or 4) learning all the basic stuff about resistance training, aerobics and proper nutrition (again with your goal in mind). Once you have that under your belt, you're going to go to the gym and work out 3 to 5 times a week, every week, for the next year or two. Your physical fitness is going to become not only your hobby but your passion. You're going to learn that it is not only NOT boring and stupid, it is a LOT of fun. Moreover, you're going to discover that it will enhance your sense of self-worth and self-esteem. You'll learn to NOT CARE what other people around you think of you as you work out. You're going to go to the gym and work your ass off.
Now, as you get into this, I'm also going to encourage you to learn to dance. I don't care what kind, whatever music floats your boat: Club, house, CnR, the fucking fox trot for all I care. You're going to do this for the same reason you're going to the gym: Because it is fun and because it will up-your sense of self worth and get you outside of your "comfort zone" (your self imposed prison).
Make up your mind right now, today, that you're going to take charge of your life. No more sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and lamenting that you can't find a fucking date. You're going to transform yourself into such a hot guy that you'll have PLENTY of dates. By age 30 I expect you to be MARRIED but before then you're going to party like a mother fucker.
Are you hearing me, son? No more crying in your cherry coke.
Moreover, if you need HELP with any of this, feel free to either ask me right here in the forum or send me a private message. I'd be happy to help you get motivated and stay motivated to take charge of your life.
K??
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AeolianRage Wrote:I am shy. No doubt about it. I am always willing to extend a handshake and a smile. When I do make friends it does come easily. I'll also admit that I don't have any gay friends. We didn't have similar interests and eventually drifted apart.
I also have no problem admitting that I am the problem. Shyness coupled with an aversion to bars & clubs minus any gay friends = my crappy situation.
The details are a little bit vague from your story. All I can tell you is that various (delusional) people who know me have told me that I am nicelooking. I've never been hit on cold by anyone out of the blue in my entire life. If you are waiting for that to happen (even as an unspoken or not fully conscious expectations) you're setting yourself up for failure, especially as a gay man. I don't mean this to sound cynical, but dating is a numbers game, and that's especially so for a gay man. 50% of everyone you run into on a day to day basis is not a potential partner for you as is the case for straight people. You have to put yourself out there more, and make more of an effort to find and meet other gay people.
If I misunderstood the story, then my mistake. But I detected a certain -- and it's really common among single gay guys talking online-- implication that you're bitter because of no one having come up and found you yet. Focus on meeting people and making friends and seeing what goes where, rather than waiting for someone to fall out of the sky and find you.
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Buzzer Wrote:The details are a little bit vague from your story. All I can tell you is that various (delusional) people who know me have told me that I am nicelooking. I've never been hit on cold by anyone out of the blue in my entire life. If you are waiting for that to happen (even as an unspoken or not fully conscious expectations) you're setting yourself up for failure, especially as a gay man. I don't mean this to sound cynical, but dating is a numbers game, and that's especially so for a gay man. 50% of everyone you run into on a day to day basis is not a potential partner for you as is the case for straight people. You have to put yourself out there more, and make more of an effort to find and meet other gay people.
If I misunderstood the story, then my mistake. But I detected a certain -- and it's really common among single gay guys talking online-- implication that you're bitter because of no one having come up and found you yet. Focus on meeting people and making friends and seeing what goes where, rather than waiting for someone to fall out of the sky and find you.
Gawd knows I have my delusions (and I like most of them  )...but my EXCELLENT TASTE in men isn't one of them.
I betcha you have been hit on and probably didn't realize it...there is no way that you have not been hit on by a guy out of the blue....
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East Wrote:Gawd knows I have my delusions (and I like most of them)...but my EXCELLENT TASTE in men isn't one of them.
I betcha you have been hit on and probably didn't realize it...there is no way that you have not been hit on by a guy out of the blue....
I do all the time. I guess Borgs don't count either.
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Borg69 Wrote:I do all the time. I guess Borgs don't count either.
Borg have had their brains physically and genetically tampered with. They have a legitimate excuse for unaccountable taste!
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Buzzer Wrote:Borg have had their brains physically and genetically tampered with. They have a legitimate excuse for unaccountable taste!
The Borg seek out perfection. Taste is irrelevant.
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AeolianRage Wrote:So yesterday, I had a full fledged mental breakdown. Normally, I am a very bubbly person but lately I've become a pretty bitter person. I avoid social media because seeing other people happy in their relationships feels like a knife in my heart.
Little backstory: I was raised with Disney classics and the live stories found in classic literature. However, those things are not real. I came out at 18 to a totally supportive friends and family. I had my first date at 23. My second at 25 and nothing since.
At this point, I'm done trying. I hate failing at anything but after failures at different stages that is the only way to describe it. I don't want to hear how young I am. A bunch of friends are already married. Even my little sister is about to walk down the aisle. I really don't like hearing - it'll happen when it happens. In 10 years, not a single person has ever been interested in me.
I know this sounds really negative but I can't help that. The one thing that I've wanted most in life was to fall in love. I'm almost 30 and it hasn't happened. Now I just have to figure out how to continue my life without ever thinking about love again and also not letting other's happiness bring me down.
You are being way too hard on yourself and you need to understand and accept that failure is a part of life for everyone.
You cannot make the mistake of judging/basing your life off of the life of others. And one day you will fall in true love and when you do, you embrace it and let it reignite your life. There is no book of life that states you must be here or there by age X and how others are living their lives is not a reason to put yourself down.
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I want to thank you guys. You are all right. I needed the wake up call to really put things in perspective. I've got a lot to change but hopefully by doing so I can find some happiness
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Total Breakdown
