I'll try to write a poem, not sure If I'll succeed XD and thanks everyone :3
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You're in my thoughts as well. Please don't put to much of the burden for the bad stuff in life squarely on your own shoulders. What you did was right, reassuring him, easing his fear as best you could. And anger at the surgeons, who I'm sure did everything in their power to do their best, is a natural reaction. Anger is one of the stages of grief.
As for being made sole beneficiary of his will, he did that because he loved you. Try to accept that love. He wouldn't want you to feel bad because he trusted and loved you so much to place you squarely in line of his life, love, an whatever possessions he may have.
Brain injury is a tricky thing. I've had brain trauma from a car accident and subsequent surgery and physical therapy as a result. I'm not saying that he will miraculously heal, but the brain often has a unique way of rerouting synaptic function when aided by physical therapy to connect memory and physical function. It's like relearning to walk and talk.
He'll never be the same, and I hate like hell telling you that. One of my stages of recovery was mourning the loss of who I had been before the surgery to who I became after the surgery. The best you can do, even removed far away, is to continue to let him be aware that you love him and care for him. If he is unable to comprehend words, nurses and aid workers will often read letters to patients. Send pictures to stimulate memory function. The more he sees something familiar, the more it is possible for him to make new connections in his head, from the past to the present.
If he is in worse condition than I describe, my apologies. But don't give in to feelings of helplessness. Bad things happen if life, often because of risks we take in the hope that life will become better. It doesn't always turn out in a positive way. He was trying to be better. Don't make it worse by feeling sad over something positive he was attempting to do. He had the right idea... hope. Often I think that's all any one of us have.
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Thanks, I'm hoping to get the money saved up to go see him in person once he wakes, right now, he might be in a comma, but I wasn't clearly told, the friend watching him siad he won't wake up for a long time, so he is either drugged, and so won't wake until those wear off, or he is in a comma.. so I'm a little worse off than before, but I was trying to comfort the friend, he is worse off, since he is kinda my bubby's lover, though I don't think they're official. I love them both, the friends basically my little bro (My deceased fiance's little brother, and a good friend to me and my bubby) so seeing him suffer makes me wish I had the money to be there now, to be there for both of them, but Instead, I have to badger little bro (he's seventeen, maybe 18 now, but I don't remember when his birthday is so idk) about being such a downer (Hypocritical, I know XD) so I've decided to be bravve,or when I can't be brave, Play a violent video game like skyrim, because ther's nothing like decimating your virtual enemies t
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o relieve stres
Except Ice cream
but I don't need to stress eat, that's a bad habbit, especcially for me, who hates excercizing
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It is good to be able to divert your immediate attention away from something so traumatizing. At least for a short time, in perspective with the situation. Stepping away from problems in your life can give you a better picture of the your feelings and direction.
Again, not to hold out false hope honey, but the doctors maintained a drug induced coma for me for several days after the surgery. I was in bad shape when I hit the emergency department. I flat lined three times before they stabilized me. They waited three days to operate to give my brain time to reduce the swelling (my skull was cracked open). After the surgery I was kept in a drug induced coma to give me time to heal. No one was exactly sure if I would wake up either, or how the extent of my injury might impact how I functioned.
I don't want to give you false hope. Just don't give up hope.
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I Won't :3 I'm strong for my bubby :3
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Humeinator2 Wrote:If I broke down, and my family got back, they'd pry and then make my life hell
and I told him he'd get better, and that he had too, that te operation would go fine.. that's why I feel I Jixed it.. I know I probably didn't but...
And I wish I had the money to go and visit him soon, just to be there for him... If he didn't live a country away I'd be there now... If I had saved my money when I first got my job, I'd have a car by now....
If I tried harder, I would probably have a job in Canada right now, but I try my best and still never find the information I need ofr some specific jobs...
Life .. right now, It feels like Life's out to get me
I understand this. I'm absolutely the same way.
I haven't experienced anything like you are, but I know what it's like worrying about someone you care about when it seems chances are against them, and you. Just do your best to stay strong, and know that even if we don't know you very well, we here will do our best to help you through this difficult time, however the future goes.
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Humie,
BS and 50plus are correct, the best thing to do is channel your emotions into a creative endeavor.
Also being a writer, I've learned when dealing with tremendous grief is to just write it all out. Doesn't have to be a poem or story, just write in a journal. But let yourself experience these feelings and brood it out.
Can actually identify with what you are feeling.
I lost a close friend to alcoholism several years back. He lived in NY, too far for me to just drive a couple hours over to be there. But he suffered severe depression, suicidal thoughts and basically drank himself to death. He was about 10 years older and we were very much like brothers. He always told me how I was keeping him alive longer because he drank less when he talked to me. We would spend hours on the phone, talking sometimes until 2-3 am even though I had to get to work by 6-7am.
I was the last person he talked to before he died and all he could do is tell me he loved me and was in too much pain to talk. His liver was shutting down on him at that moment, two days later he died in the hospital from complete organ failure. To this day I still sometimes feel guilty for not doing more for him, calling his best friend, the police, 911, paramedics or something. I just had no idea what was going on at the time and didn't listen to my gut. I didn't talk or eat for 2 days after he passed and I brooded for a month, even my boss at work was very understanding and gave me some time and space.
When you can, go out and see him, but don't feel guilty for things that are out of your control.
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This guilt is linked to the survivors guilt many people get when something bad happens and they walk away from it while others don't. I can't recall the exact terminology. Its one of those things that are (I hate the word) Normal to be feeling.
As for the surgeons... I'm going to assume they didn't decide halfway through the surgery to pull out the makings for jello shots and see how many of those they could do while performing this particular operation.
---> Mind I do use humor to deflect which shitty shit happens - Consider yourself warned <---
I would assume they did their best within the limits of the brain they were working on.
The Kübler-Ross model (AKA stages of loss/greif) is at play. Denial, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance.
Mind this applies to a lot more than just people passing on, it takes place with many other things, divorce, job loss, hearing your best buddy has had a decidedly bad turn in an operation....
Yes you are going to want to blame someone - this is part of anger. This is that thing which is composed of that word I hate - Normal.
I don't know how you express your emotions. Personally I express them by ingesting copious amounts of alcohol and/or I take showers - since I only allow myself to cry in the shower - yes there are days I'm sparkling clean!
Use your usual method of working through 'bad stuff' and stick with it. If its crying in the shower then go and cry... if its taking a long walk - go walk. If its screaming at the empty sky blaming and accusing the Invisible Man in the Sky - then go and have a good scream at God.
There is hope here. The brain is an incredible machine that can rewire itself and do things that the experts and doctors don't respect. mind this is why doctors always talk in percents and risk factors and other things because frankly the human body often flat refuses to do what is expected.
I have no idea what part of the brain was affected, or what the odds are in whatever category that the doctors are predicting. There may still be improvement. 24 hours is way to early to tell. days, weeks even months may have to pass before his fate is revealed.
Have hope.
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