Friend betrayed me and came on to me

[ETOTE]

Sexuality has nothing to do with anything.
It's very simple, your friend developed a crush and crossed a line.
No different if that platonic friend was a straight female that you did not have an interest in....

Put yourself in his shoes. I'm sure when you reflect on all the women you've had a crush or an interest in who did not share that same interest in you in return, it was tough to be around them and sometimes confusing to try not to read into actions that could be a possible indication of interest in you that you may have been desperately hoping for.

Been in your shoes multiple times with dudes and chicks alike. Because I am naturally flirtatious and generally a nice guy who can also be very protective of friends, often my honest sincere gestures of friendship were mistaken for a sexual or romantic interest. Most of those friendships fell apart because it was either too difficult for them to be around me or I realized how unfair it was, not healthy for anyone.

Sadly, you will have to watch yourself around him if you want to remain friends. Have a talk, make sure he understands the boundary you expect him to respect and if crossed, the friendship will be over.

Also,

IMO, your friend needs to grow up and be mature about things. Specifically, he needs to learn how to face these a-holes and defend himself. Maybe you two can take up some sort of martial arts to help him learn self defense and not be afraid to fight if someone is going to attempt to kick his ass for merely liking the cock. You're not always going to be there to defend him....

Also, you're ignorant teammates need to grow the F up and pull their heads out of their asses.
Being an influence on them in that sense can make a bigger impact in combating their homophobia.
Your friend doing what he did however, does nothing in helping that cause as he demonstrated the exact reason why the homophobia would hold any merit if at all to merely add fuel to the fire. You need to make sure he understands this fully so that he can see how broad the impact of his actions truly are.

[Anocxu]

I have actually been in reverse situations...
I've had 2 of my life long straight friends make advances....
I brushed it off ... Let it go..
If you spend enough time with a person you are close to sometimes the rules of attraction and sexuality are skewed...

On the other hand ,
Respect is what holds a friendship togetber.. and i do believe you were disrespected..

Forgive your friend..
He had a weak moment...

If he knew what he did would ruin your friendship..
He never would have done it in the first place.

[Virge]

I have actually been in reverse situations...
I've had 2 of my life long straight friends make advances....I brushed it off ... Let it go..
If you spend enough time with a person you are close to sometimes the rules of attraction and sexuality are skewed...On the other hand ,
Respect is what holds a friendship togetber.. and i do believe you were disrespected..
Forgive your friend.. He had a weak moment...

If he knew what he did would ruin your friendship..
He never would have done it in the first place.

Good point Anocxu! It didn't occur to me to flip the issue to put it in a wider conntext.
Any way you look at it with openly gay men being only about 2% of the population and "straight" men being about 47% there are LOADS more straight men making advances on gay men than the other way around.

This is even more true in areas where there's not any orgainzed "gay community" No bars or anything like here in western South Dakota. Most gays here live here aren't really closeted but just real discrete and have more close straight friends than gay. They don't openly identify with guys like me who make no secret about being non heterosexual. In fact any of them are reluctant to been seen publically socializing with any person who's known for being gay. The only local gays who ever come on to me are the horny hormonally idiotic highschoolers who know me through the lyceums we put on for schools.

ON THE OTHER HAND.... Just since this past May five "straight" guys over 25 have made really bold or awkward moves to put themselves in situations to provoke me to make the first moves so to speak. Four of them are married. When I say bold and awkward moves I'm talking about having a guy whip out a half hard dick, wag it at me and saying, "what's the matter? Isn't this what you're into?" Or some morbidly obese 26 yr old still living with his parents telling me he'd like to be screwed. Yeah... that type crap is a real turn on! LOL!

I bet every gay man in GS can give accounts of the same things happening to them more often than they know of gay men coming on to straight men. I bet most of them do like I do and just laugh it off and get out of the situation.

It also says more about the tolerance gay men have and straight men don't when you consider who does the most complaining about it.

[ETOTE]

^thing about married "straight" guys making advances....they are not straight.

The fact that they are married means nothing. So all these ridiculous percentages of "only 10% of the population is gay" or whatever is all nonsense when you consider all the men AND women out there who are either secretly gay, bi, questioning, confused, curious or whatever who get married anyway or simply live the straight life hoping to "get over it" or suppress their feelings.

Had so many married guys and "straight" guys hit on me over the years, labels are a joke to me.

Had two "straight" guys hit on me while with their girlfriends.
I've lost many "straight" friends who I did not want to get involved with sexually.

One married dude in particular broke off the friendship somewhat violently after my rejection. It was a huge, volatile mess that left my job in jeopardy, making the workplace a hostile environment for everyone and revealed quite a bit about his own fears of his same sex desires.
Kinda scary what people do when faced with the truth about themselves they do not want to face.

[Virge]

^^^^^
Remembering that great sex test you brought into GS I KNOW labels are all wrong and so do you. BUT you have to admit there are boat loads of men who emphatically identify themselves as straight in spite of their own private desires to at least experiment with guys.

I only counted off the "straight" guys since May who've come on to me -- and forgot one that did it last week in Brisbane while Jay was at work and I had his car to run errands... with a baby in his shopping cart! If I had to count them all the way back to when I was in highschool I bet the number would be over 100.

The only thing that kept me from messing around with all of them when I was younger was that I really wasn't comfortable with the entire idea of me being gay and was avoiding it.... and I had 2 women providing me all the sex I wanted. LOL.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

You did the right thing to stand by him, but he's badly miss read the situation and as a result put your friendship in jeapordy.

He's probably absolutely mortified at what's happened, and highly embarrassed.

You sound like a very level headed guy, and a great friend to have given how you stood up for him.

I would recommend that you meet him somewhere neutral, sit down and have a talk about what happened. Make him understand how you feel. I mean he practically assaulted you.

Give him the opportunity to apologise and try to make amends. He knows he's done wrong, and he will know how badly he misjudged the situation.

Right now he probably feels that he can't be around you, or the football team because of what's happened.

He needs you as a friend now more than ever.

[AdamAndWill]

(Adam) What he did was inappropriate. Even if you were a gay guy too, his behavior would still be inappropriate. You don't just start touching and kissing some guy in a locker room shower if he's never given any indication that he want you to act that way. You need to tell him that you feel betrayed and disrespected, and that it will take time for your friendship to recover. Honest conversation is the only way to handle this. Will plays on a softball team and I play hockey - and neither of us can imagine having something like this happen.

[East]

(Adam) What he did was inappropriate. Even if you were a gay guy too, his behavior would still be inappropriate. You don't just start touching and kissing some guy in a locker room shower if he's never given any indication that he want you to act that way. You need to tell him that you feel betrayed and disrespected, and that it will take time for your friendship to recover. Honest conversation is the only way to handle this. Will plays on a softball team and I play hockey - and neither of us can imagine having something like this happen.

Agreed...honest conversation is the only way to handle it if you hope to move on and save the friendship

[Borg69]

I'm curious if this would have even been an issue with the OP if it had been a hot female instead of a dude. I think if anyone finds you attractive and thinks you have some redeeming qualities, you should be flattered and graceful, with a little tact.

I too am guessing the guy had a brief "Florence Nightingale" moment of weakness when the world was out to get him and saw in the OP a shining knight come to save him and mis-read the situation.

He's been through a lot... cut him some slack.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

I too am guessing the guy had a brief "Florence Nightingale" moment

I want to know what a Florence Nightingale moment is? :biggrin: