Friend betrayed me and came on to me

[Anonymous]

If he had just hugged me, I would probably let him because I guess everyone wants to show and receive some affection sometimes and especially someone like him who has a homophobic family and cannot come out to anyone there and doesn't really have friends, except for me. But I cannot tolerate another guy kissing me. It's just not something I enjoy and want to feel.

We've tried talking about it, but he cannot really explain anything to me, even when I tell him to just shoot out anything he has inside. When I ask him why he did it, he just shrugs and that's it. Maybe, if we clarified everything, it would be easier. I tell him to just spit out everything he wants and feels, what's the problem. I mean, he already did it, talking could not be worse.

[East]

If he had just hugged me, I would probably let him because I guess everyone wants to show and receive some affection sometimes and especially someone like him who has a homophobic family and cannot come out to anyone there and doesn't really have friends, except for me. But I cannot tolerate another guy kissing me. It's just not something I enjoy and want to feel.

We've tried talking about it, but he cannot really explain anything to me, even when I tell him to just shoot out anything he has inside. When I ask him why he did it, he just shrugs and that's it. Maybe, if we clarified everything, it would be easier. I tell him to just spit out everything he wants and feels, what's the problem. I mean, he already did it, talking could not be worse.

Ahhhhh...maybe he is feeling embarrassed or ashamed or even crushed that he made such a bonehead move.

You sound like you are a decent man so maybe if you could find a way to forgive him and let him know that there is a clear line that he cannot cross in the future....

I am guessing it is not a mistake he will ever make again

[Borg69]

I want to know what a Florence Nightingale moment is? :biggrin:

(1) a romantic attraction or bond develops between patient and caregiver and is the direct result of the caregiving experience.

Nightingale syndrome
Based off the "Nurse with the Lamp", Florence Nightingale was apparently an extremely adept nurse. While not technically a medical syndrome, Nightingale Syndrome is known to be used to describe the situation in which a patient falls in love with his/her medical caretaker due to the vague bond created when healed by a complete stranger.

... it's kind of along the lines where a damsel in distress falls for the shining knight on a horse that comes to her rescue and saves her from certain death.

[Rareboy]

He didn't betray you.

He just mistook your interest for something deeper.

Now forgive him and have a laugh about the whole thing.

[Rareboy]

(1) a romantic attraction or bond develops between patient and caregiver and is the direct result of the caregiving experience.

Nightingale syndrome
Based off the "Nurse with the Lamp", Florence Nightingale was apparently an extremely adept nurse. While not technically a medical syndrome, Nightingale Syndrome is known to be used to describe the situation in which a patient falls in love with his/her medical caretaker due to the vague bond created when healed by a complete stranger.

... it's kind of along the lines where a damsel in distress falls for the shining knight on a horse that comes to her rescue and saves her from certain death.

This is also called a 'Fucked by Angels' syndrome.

[MikeW]

We all make mistakes. Your friend made one with you. It was dumb but understandable. You have every right to feel however you do about it but hopefully you can put yourself in his place a bit and understand. Surely you've had crushes on girls? Imagine it being one you were really close with on a personal level as well. For sure he crossed a line and shouldn't do it again. I don't know what your friend is feeling but I'd be both crushed and mortified at myself. How stupid! :\

[meridannight]

But I cannot tolerate another guy kissing me. It's just not something I enjoy and want to feel.

you're kind of being insufferable about it. we understand you're straight, we understand you don't want to kiss guys. your friend most likely fully understands by now. some things in life are not enjoyable, but unless they effect a major lasting influence on you you brush it off and life goes on. this is not an argument really, since what happened happened and there's no way of undoing that.

i bought take out the other day and they had put bad meat in it. ruined my dinner, but that's as far as such a little thing goes. it's water under a bridge. stop complaining. really, you're starting to blow small things out of proportion. take it as a compliment, which it was. talk to your friend and straighten things out. he might be slow to open up on his side, but he will do it if you keep at it and don't make it look like you wanna bite his head off because of the kissing thing.

[ETOTE]

BUT you have to admit there are boat loads of men who emphatically identify themselves as straight in spite of their own private desires to at least experiment with guys.

Yes I do admit that.

However, just because I like to dress up in a wig and heels and call myself Cher does not mean I actually am her....(hypothetical, I don't actually do this, it would be insulting to her)

[ETOTE]

But I cannot tolerate another guy kissing me. It's just not something I enjoy and want to feel.

We've tried talking about it, but he cannot really explain anything to me, even when I tell him to just shoot out anything he has inside. When I ask him why he did it, he just shrugs and that's it. Maybe, if we clarified everything, it would be easier. I tell him to just spit out everything he wants and feels, what's the problem. I mean, he already did it, talking could not be worse.

I smell rotting fish.....
And I actually showered this time.

[Borg69]

I smell rotting fish.....
And I actually showered this time.

I agree. I smell deception. My spider sense is tingling.