Friend betrayed me and came on to me

[dynamodean]

All I know is if a friend came on to me and gave me unwanted attention in what is a singular incident....I wouldn't be throwing a shit fit. I'd be flattered and understanding and would talk it through with him/her. Repeated offenses would mean disrespect...a single offense could be an honest mistake.

You have the right to feel what you do of course, but friends do make mistakes. It all depends on how much you value your friendship with him and if you are willing to work through it. I would say give him the benefit of the doubt and allow him to learn from his mistake. Be there for him as he's probably feeling like an idiot right about now. After all, what are friends for?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

If he had just hugged me, I would probably let him because I guess everyone wants to show and receive some affection sometimes and especially someone like him who has a homophobic family and cannot come out to anyone there and doesn't really have friends, except for me. But I cannot tolerate another guy kissing me. It's just not something I enjoy and want to feel.

We've tried talking about it, but he cannot really explain anything to me, even when I tell him to just shoot out anything he has inside. When I ask him why he did it, he just shrugs and that's it. Maybe, if we clarified everything, it would be easier. I tell him to just spit out everything he wants and feels, what's the problem. I mean, he already did it, talking could not be worse.

His story is the more interesting one... Well not interesting as Gay speak gets a lot of similar stories.... I suggest you start reading through posts to get a relative understanding of what it is gay guys really go through, the issues we face and the emotional upsets we suffer through trying to live in a world that is geared at heterosexuality.

http://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=33276

The thing that is really bothering me is that, he doesn't know that I'm gay and I'm afraid that if I tell him he react in a bad way and destroy our friendship.

This is the most common problem gay guys with a maybe/possibly straight but maybe not really friend run into. They are uncertain if they will lose what they have when they open their mouth.

Understand society makes it perfectly clear to gays that they are not welcomed and should be hated. The very language is opposed to homosexuals. think about the use of the word gay used to make everything that ain't cool negative. Oh that car is so gay, that movie we watched last night was so gay...


Your upset because he held you and kissed you - God get over yourself mary. It was only a kiss. Its not like he held you down and raped you.

He tried to show you his love. Sure you didn't appreciate it, but geez it appears that this kid is really in love with you and now you are pestering him and punishing him without mercy over a single kiss.

STOP IT. Your breaking his heart. Just stop it.

He told you through his actions what is going on.

He loves you.

[Anonymous]

We spoke about it, although it was more of a monologue. It seems that he doesn't want to discuss this with me and I won't force him. I just told him it's ok and let's forget it but if he ever does anything like this again, our friendship is over. He seemed to understand.

Now it looks like he's kind of trying to avoid me and I guess it's ok. Probably he needs some space right now.

[Camfer]

Good you stated what you needed to say. He's just so embarrassed he can't say much. He understands your point. In time he'll get over his shame and all will be well between you.

Congrats on handling it so well! Makes me want to give you a hug and a ... err wait oops I mean a congratulatory handshake from 2 feet away!

[ceez]

We spoke about it, although it was more of a monologue. It seems that he doesn't want to discuss this with me and I won't force him. I just told him it's ok and let's forget it but if he ever does anything like this again, our friendship is over. He seemed to understand.

Now it looks like he's kind of trying to avoid me and I guess it's ok. Probably he needs some space right now.

he'll definitely need some space, he probably feels pretty shitty right now. he needs some space to get over his crush and work up the courage to properly apologize. time heals all wounds.

you're an amazing person by the way, even in 2014 it's very few people that will stand up for someone.

[Anonymous]

I wish things would be ok again between us but something obviously is very wrong. I don't know is it because of me or what, but like I said, we talked about the previous situation and I thought that this problem is solved. He really seemed to understand that friendship is the only thing I can offer him. However now he has started to avoid me more and more. I can understand it, maybe he cannot be near me now, because of everything that has happened. And I would be ok with it, if not our homophobic teammates. They are just waiting for him to be somewhere alone, so they can show him who are the toughest guys in our team.

Before this incident in showers we went everywhere together and did everything together and it was easy for me to see what's happening with him. Now he just goes somewhere alone without even telling me anything. Of course, he's not supposed to give me details about every his step, but how can I possibly look after him if I don't even know where he is?

He also barely talks to me. When I asked him to not wander around our training place alone and reminded him about the danger from our teammates, he was like "so what, why do you care anyway?" I don't know what to do. I don't want anything bad happen to him, if something will happen, I'll feel like it's my fault because I wasn't there for him. He's still very dear to me and his friendship means a lot to me.

[meridannight]

i think it's a good thing that he is being on his own and trying to work things out by himself. he can't depend on you like he did. and his well-being doesn't depend on you either. the fact that you were there for him and still are, that was amazing, no doubt about that. but he needs to get out of that and learn to stand up for himself on his own. and you need to let it happen. you can still look after him, just keeping an eye on the circumstances where you can, but you need to stop trying to protect him from everything. it's unhealthy for him.

and no, he is not ready to jump right back to where you left off with the friendship before your rejection. he needs time to properly process what happened. with time, it'll be easier for him to be around you again, and you just need to wait it out.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

He has pulled back to give himself time to get past the love.

Most folk will tell him that distance and time is the only way to stop loving the person he can't have.

[Cuddly]

Ugh it's so hard, isn't it? Do something with him. Hang out with him and move on, try to get him to find a boyfriend.
That's actually the best I can come up with.

[meridannight]

i think it's a good thing that he is being on his own and trying to work things out by himself. he can't depend on you like he did. and his well-being doesn't depend on you either. the fact that you were there for him and still are, that was amazing, no doubt about that. but he needs to get out of that and learn to stand up for himself on his own. and you need to let it happen. you can still look after him, just keeping an eye on the circumstances where you can, but you need to stop trying to protect him from everything. it's unhealthy for him.

and no, he is not ready to jump right back to where you left off with the friendship before your rejection. he got his heart broken. he needs time to properly process what happened. with time, it'll be easier for him to be around you again, and you just need to wait it out.