Not quite sexual guy, I guess..

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend and I, we're dating for about four months now. We're both 18 years old and we're also each other's first relationships.

Our relationships are amazing and I'm very happy to have him, but I've noticed something about myself that makes me think about whether I'm right for him. I know that most guys of my age would just jump at sex at every possibility, however not me. When I was single I sometimes thought that my sexual needs must be low, because I only wanted to masturbate one or two times a month. I just didn't feel the need to do it more often. Most of the time I didn't even think about sex, I had a lot of other things to do - school, housework, hobbies. And now, when I'm with him, I realize I just can't do a lot of things. I'm too shy for them. I like it when he plays with my hair, kissing is fine too, but nothing more. When I think about being naked in front of someone, it terrifies me. I like him a lot and I'm attracted to him, but I just cannot bring myself to do more than kissing. Sometimes he lies next to me on the pillow and looks in my eyes and I'm thinking like - am I supposed to do something now? is he waiting for something?

I've not been abused or religious anything like that, it's just who I am. Could it be that I'm just not ready for relationships? Could it be that I'm too young for sexual things? I even offered him to break up, he didn't even want to hear about it. He says he's satisfied with everything between us. He's says he's happy with me. I'm happy with him too, but this is not how relationships should work, right? We're supposed to have sex, right?

[TwisttheLeaf]

Being naked in front of someone, as well as sex when you first start having it, is like anything else that is awkward and scary the first time. The first day at a new job, the first day of school each year, the first time public speaking, the first.. well, anything that makes you nervous.

It's something you have to steel yourself for and just -do- and then keep doing. And with each time you do it, it gets easier and easier as it becomes more familiar. Make sense?

That said. Considering your age and how low your sex drive is, you may want to consider going into the doc and having your testosterone checked. This could be a latent medical condition and easily reversible.

[Camfer]

I don't think you're necessarily supposed to have sex in your relationship right now. Is he asking for it? Maybe the both of you are not yet ready for sex, but you still love being together. That's perfectly fine.

At some point yes you guys will probably enjoying being sexual together. There's no time limit on when that is supposed to start. It's okay to be shy about it too. Let your relationship unfold naturally and not according to how you think it's supposed to be.

[LJay]

We are fed WAY too much fiction on TV, internet, magazines, etc.

What is right for you is right for you. Though it is not as popular as it once was, the concept of a "personal life" made allowances for this. Not everyone is alike. Not even people in the same family will necessarily feel the same way about relationship matters. Whatever you and your boyfriend work out is yours alone. No need to compare yourselves to some outside, and perhaps mythical, standard.

[Virge]

[SIZE="7"][COLOR="Red"]Ooooops!
I forgot there's a dress code for threads like this.[/COLOR][/SIZE]


Okay!
I'm ready now.

[LJay]

Wow! I had forgotten about full leg condoms.

[ETOTE]

but this is not how relationships should work, right? We're supposed to have sex, right?

No. Not necessarily.

Don't let others and the expectations of society dictate how you think your relationship should grow and develop.

Have patience, honor and respect what he says when he tells you he is happy where the two of you are at. Give it time, the natural progression of intimacy between you two will happen when the time is right for both of you.

Just enjoy each day you have together and savor each moment with him.

[Cuddly]

Having a low sex drive could become a problem, as that in combination with your irrational fear of being naked infront of him, let alone having him touch your naked body, could keep you postponing your first time for a very long time. I guess...

Bodies are beautiful. Yours is no exception. Your boyfriend will be driven wild by the exhilarating feeling of your bellyskin against his fingertips. So the shy part you can wrap up and put into the closet you've come out of, when it comes to your body and your boyfriend.

How do you consider your physical development? Can you grow a beard, fully or somewhat? Are you tall and with broad shoulders?
What I'm fishing for, is if there's any other sign of testosterone deficiency.
- Not saying you should be able to grow a beard at 18, I'm 25 and I can't :'( which is ironic because I find them infinitely attractive and generally awesome! My creater played a cruel joke on me.

[meridannight]

Could it be that I'm too young for sexual things? I even offered him to break up, he didn't even want to hear about it. He says he's satisfied with everything between us. He's says he's happy with me. I'm happy with him too, but this is not how relationships should work, right? We're supposed to have sex, right?

you are definitely not too young for sexual things. but once or twice a month is way below an average for a guy your age. i'm 31 and i need to get off at least once a day, whether with another guy or by masturbating.

i'm not saying everybody needs to be a horn-dog but -- have you always had such a low sex drive or is this a recent development?

[dynamodean]

You don't need to be sexual to be in a relationship. In fact, there are no "supposed to's" in a relationship, other than being caring and honest with each other. You don't want sex, and he is okay with it. I'd say that is a win-win right there.