I'm chronically depressed (though the doctors haven't diagnosed me with that.. I believe I got it from my mom.. could be my Autism or something?) and when I was on my anxiety meds, I was almost never really suicidal... I need to see a doc and get my meds back... I've been less inclined to being physically active, or doing anything social since I got off of them (well... ran out, technically..) and online is the only place I'm really social...
I wish I could get help finding my ex.. I think, if I could talk to him... hell, just get to be his friend, even for a while... I'd be better...
I'd be his f**king slave, just to be able to be near him... to protect him... be there for him...
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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and i'm tired of hiding *sigh* I've already proven multiple times that I'm an annoyying little cunt that has little in the way of brains, and obiously has poor decision making skills
not to meantion am untrustworthy, if my relationships with my two ex Fiances proves anything, and shouldn't be allowed outside of a padded room with nothing in it unless I have my prozac
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Anon if you want to email me for advice I will be glad to share what I know. I was the guy that was repeatedly cheated on. I know what he is going through and how/what he is feeling. Message me if you want to
tx
W
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He's talking to me... he said he won't sugar coat his words with me, and doesn;t forgive me, but that he'lll talk to me..
by the gods, goddesses, and dieties of mercy and compassion... he is to kind..
and he missed me... he actually missed me and that means he's thought about me...
I'm breaking down now... so happy...
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You made your bed....
Or as they say in Newtonian Physics:
For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction.
Human hearts are strange things, they can continue beating even after being broken, yet they can't really be fixed once they are broken.
I think its fitting that you experience pain from this situation. No doubt it is not exactly the same sort of pain he felt, since he got betrayed and trust me, that is most likely going to haunt him in relationship after relationship as he will now find it harder to trust any partner fully and completely...
But, you are hurting. Which is a good thing and gives this old elf a little hope that in this particular human there is some minor humanity.
I see way too many humans and so little humanity on this planet - so this says a lot to me about your personal state of grace.
I seriously doubt you can make him love you again. Or fix this realtionship, or win him back. Even if he did come back to you that trust he had the first time around just won't exist. Sure he can pretend its there, but he will just end up laying in bed late at night wondering if he is obsessing about nothing or if your calling from work to say you needed to work an hour or two late was actually what you claimed.
The best you can do is go through this experience, embrace it, accept it, experience each and every last moment of the pain and misery then decide which lesson(s) you are going to take with you for the rest of your life.
If you choose right, then chances are higher that you won't make this mistake again (with another future partner)... If you choose wrong.....
Well that just won't end well.
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^^^
Well said Bowyn, excellent words of wisdom...
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The impression I took from your description seems to be many excuses on your part, and game play from both sides of the relationship. None of this causes me to believe that a healthy relationship is going to be the result.
My advice, your first move should involve psychological help. I don't say that to be mean, or pass judgement. My reasoning stems from utterly poor logic decisions on your part, the compulsive nature you seem to exhibit toward this man, the largess of your mood swings, and the fact that you cannot seem to learn from your own past.
Additionally if this other individual was "testing" you, his trust level in you is suspect, which in view of your problems may be justified. Nonetheless, his "tests" toward you and your Ex... That's just game play, even if it is somehow justified. There are better ways to discover the truth of a partner's actions.
The more I read about this situation the less I see that leads me to believe it needs salvation. Resolution cannot really occur until both of you have a better understanding of your own problems.
Sorry if that seems a harsh opinion, but I'm not about to lie to you either.
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I notice I forgot to meantion something up there in my talking about what went on, I feel I should say it, since it is what hurt me the most , as well as being someting I can easily overlook (obviously, or I wouldn't have forgotten to meantion it)
He said he was hapilly married one month, if that, after I left him , when I tried to beg forgivness,
that was three.. two.. three.. if I could remember the exact date, I'd remember the exact amount of years :/ anyway, that is something that made me wonder if he had been playing with me
now to give a statment that may or may not show a little more about me...
I wouldn't even care if he HAD been toying with me, if he at least cared about me as well, after all, I've never minded playing second fiddle in a rlelatioinship.
that above is My personal reason as to why the relationship isn['t the best Idea (not that he said plenty that sounded like lies, not because he started getting a bit distant near the time I left, but because he said he was married so soon after
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I think, now that I look back on it, that that was about two weeks, if that, after, because I went through a somewhat obsessive guilt
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