I don't have enough gay friends...

[MikeW]

I'm sort of the same way, wayward. The things that interest me usually don't interest other people all that much.

However, I basically agree with Lycanthropist. Most people don't want to get into and discuss their deepest feelings (and secrets) with people they don't know and TRUST.

So developing some social skills is important. Doesn't mean you have to change who you are, what really interests you. What it does mean is that you have to find other people who are interested in the same things you are.

So, what interests you? You've mentioned psychology. What about it interests you? Why does it interest you? Is it something you're studying in school? Don't be afraid to start a thread on a subject or question that interests you, just like as you have here. You never know who will find it and reply to it and what kind of conversation may result.

As for making gay friends, a lot of it depends on where you live. If you live somewhere relatively remote, the internet and forums like this are your best bet. This forum is a fairly friendly and welcoming place. Beyond that it is a matter of finding gay friendly places closer to you. This may be in on a university campus, or in a bigger city. In any case, you'll have to put some effort into finding them.

Beyond that, the best way to have a friend is to BE a friend. There are certainly a LOT of gay guys your age who NEED friends, like you. We see them show up on this forum all the time.

Just keep participating. You're doing fine! It may take time to find what you're looking for but you can do it. You've already begun right here.

[Lycanthropist]

I just don't seem to have interests which other people find relatable Lycanthrope. Thanks for your intentions, really, and thank you memechose, also.

In that case, develop some new additional interests. Thinking back through all the people I've ever met in my life, I don't recall a single person that had absolutely nothing in common with me. I know that's a very over-used phrase, but I don't believe it can be true. To make friends, there has to be some common ground. I've met people that had vastly different interests than myself, but since I like to expand my horizons, so to speak, I learned at least a bit about what they were in to. I may not have delved in to it to their extent, but learned enough that we could carry on a conversation about it.

I consider myself a jack of all trades, master of none. My interests are so varied that I can talk to someone about a lot of different topics, but don't just dwell on one thing. One thing I like to do when I'm bored is watch videos on YouTube. I don't mean the ice bucket challenges or music videos (although I have found some interesting artists), I'm talking about How it's Made, or science videos. You never know what is going to pop up next and sometimes it leads me down a rabbit hole that I thought I'd never enter. Life is too short to wrap yourself in a cocoon. Learn everything you can.

[Virge]

My problem is that I only know one gay guy, and we're not that close. Finding gay around here is like climbing Mount Everest.

↑↑
Same here.

It's a 5 hour drive to the nearest gay bar.
We had one here in our town of 1500 when I moved here. It closed two days later. I guess they really didn't like me. hahahha!

Gays who grow up here aren't really all that closeted. It's just we learn and adapt to a different way of life amongst friendly straight people and all pretty much lead str8 lifestyles with str8 interests.

What few gay friends we gays here have just blend right in with all of our str8 friends. I could have more of them if I did drugs, slept around, hung out in public rest rooms, cruised the parks, went to church more often, got arrested and thrown in jail, put ads on craigslist as an escort, picked up and moved away from family and all the people I know and love.

BUT... I have five, just five close gay friends here.... (that's one more than I can count on my right hand. hahaha! maybe I need to give one of them away! Hahahahahahaha!)

I think what I've done to have some gays to socialize with is pretty danged ingenious but I can't take credit for it. It was allllllllllllllllllllllllllll Jay's idea and I love him for it. He said to buy a big house with room for a B&B and have all the danged gay tourists I want over all summer! I did it on a website and with listings the first year. That was a disaster cuz it made me a target for fundamentalists and some of the gays who came were more problems than I want to talk about. Now I do it thru the 500+ gay motorcycle clubs in the USA and Canada, my school and personal contact. It's really exciting to have them come! Also to make things all the more fun my few friends and Ray's always love to come over and hang out and meet them so we all pile up in the rec room with the bar and ..... I have my own gay bar right in my own house!

That's why we're expanding this "operation" and adding on 4 studio and 2 two-bedroom apts. I'd do more but don't have the room. They'll be pouring the foundation next month and completed & running before June! Now I'm making a pretty good living meeting my need for gays to socialize with!!!! Not only that but becauuse of the B&B we have a network of pre-made friends Jay and I are going to spend a lot of time during the winter months traveling to see (not stay with) and get to see gay life in other cities. Talk about a win-win-win situation!!!!

The reason I'm telling you this is to give an example of *being fabulously resourceful* about finding ways to meet and socialize with other gays.

Do the best you can with what tools ya got!!!!!!!!

[AdamAndWill]

In that case, develop some new additional interests. Thinking back through all the people I've ever met in my life, I don't recall a single person that had absolutely nothing in common with me. I know that's a very over-used phrase, but I don't believe it can be true. To make friends, there has to be some common ground. I've met people that had vastly different interests than myself, but since I like to expand my horizons, so to speak, I learned at least a bit about what they were in to. I may not have delved in to it to their extent, but learned enough that we could carry on a conversation about it.

I consider myself a jack of all trades, master of none. My interests are so varied that I can talk to someone about a lot of different topics, but don't just dwell on one thing. One thing I like to do when I'm bored is watch videos on YouTube. I don't mean the ice bucket challenges or music videos (although I have found some interesting artists), I'm talking about How it's Made, or science videos. You never know what is going to pop up next and sometimes it leads me down a rabbit hole that I thought I'd never enter. Life is too short to wrap yourself in a cocoon. Learn everything you can.

(Adam) I had to comment on this because you really have a wonderful attitude. So many people get bogged down in negativity , it's great to read something so positive! And I agree, my life has been enriched by learning things from some very unlikely people.

Both of your posts contain excellent advice!

[wayward]

Each of you have some great advice. Thank you.

[MikeW]

You never cease to amaze me, meme. What a great story!

Everyone who is lonely READ MEMECHOSE'S POST. This is how you do it. Think outside the box. How can you draw gay guys TO you?

Everyone, look at this web site: Discovery Community Inc. They are a non-profit organization of gay guys (all volunteers) who have several retreats -- 3-day weekends -- together every year. And in between those they have get togethers in private homes, outings and so on.

Now granted they're in the San Francisco Bay Area where there are a gazillion gay guys. BUT the thing is, this organization is NOT about hooking up or sexual stuff. Yes, that happens -- no rules against it -- but it isn't what it is *about*. It is about making friends, getting to know new people, and building community.

THIS KIND OF THING could be done by anyone, anywhere. It would take *work* -- you'd have to really want to do it and you'd have to learn how. But it *can* be done. (Slight disclaimer: I was one of the founding members of Discovery back in 1989/90. Just a member, not creator. However, I saw it get off the ground. I haven't participated in their events for many years -- but this non-profit organization started by a friend of mine (he moved away many years ago) is STILL going strong! We built an organization and that organization now has a life of its own.)

[LJay]

per you know who:

"What few gay friends we gays here have just blend right in with all of our str8 friends. I could have more of them if I did drugs, slept around, hung out in public rest rooms, cruised the parks, went to church more often, got arrested and thrown in jail, put ads on craigslist as an escort, picked up and moved away from family and all the people I know and love. "

Thanks for the advice, man. I'll get right on it!

[LJay]

OP, serious reply:

Bonding between men is said to be much easier and more effective when centered on things you DO rather than things you talk about. This is why Memechose's B&B and Mike's discovery group are successful. Try playing basketball or bridge or volunteering or singing in a community choir. You'll meet people. Some will be healthily avoidable and some will be worth asking along to help with a volunteer task or having coffee or a beer with. Notice that this takes the pressure off of people who are uncomfortable with immediate probing conversations or intensity . It gives them a chance to get to know you also. Have a little fun together.

Good luck.

[Camfer]

The way to have gay friends is to do things with gay men. Men bond by sharing activities. Generally, men do not bond by sitting around talking or chatting online. Take initiative and go do things!

[MikeW]

The way to have gay friends is to do things with gay men. Men bond by sharing activities. Generally, men do not bond by sitting around talking or chatting online. Take initiative and go do things!

This assumes there are out gay people and things to do with them. Depends on where you are. My recommendation is, if those opportunities don't exist or are few and far between, create what you need. This may mean getting a bit out side your comfort zone and thinking outside the box.