trust issues

[Lost]

Sorry about the last one guys, typo

I have a question, I've only been out for 5 years and in that time have had 3 relationships. Am I the only one who thinks its weird that gay guys always seem to have slept with their friends before they become friends? Whats up with the keeping all the exes as friends? I don't get it. I've never wanted or felt the need to keep around exes and guys I have slept with I tend to discard of very easily if I don't feel its going any further. It seems to interfere in my trying to date guys. If a guy tells me he is hanging out with his ex or that he slept with a friend he hangs around with, I literally stop talking to the person. But it seems like every gay guy I have met does this, and of course I think there is something wrong it.

And don't even get me going on the whole open relationship thing. I feel like it is an excuse to avoid commitment.

I guess to each his own, but it just makes me think that there aren't any gay guys out there who believe what I do or maybe I missing something.

Its me isn't it?

[Miles]

Well, since you put it that way,

[Iceblink]

yes you can't

[East]

I don't see it as a problem and I don't really understand why you do.

I think it is actually a bit bizarre that you "easily discard" people when you have no use for them and have a problem with people who don't. What happens if a friendship develops? It sounds kinda scary....

[Borg69]

There are exceptions to every rule.

While I mostly agree with you, I've grown to be not as puritanical. I have a few friends I've dabbled with, and a few ex's who are still friends. Life isn't black and white. Sometimes it takes grey area experimentation to figure out where you fit best in other people's lives, and they in yours.

On the other hand, if he's got a hand in every cookie jar, it would raise some red flags for me.

All things in moderation.

[LJay]

In another time and on another world there used to be something called 'playing the field.' These days it seems that if you are dating you are taken, unavailable, committed, off limits, about to be married, exclusive, and jealous. Or at least someone thinks so. Does any of this relate to what actually happens? I doubt it.

[jogu656]

Im with you, call me whatever you want but I feel an ex is an ex, i want things to be as simple as possible, and i never want to be in the shadow of the ex or expected to compete with the ex haha nobody is worth that humiliation, plus if im expected to resemble the ex id rather he go back with his ex or find someone willing to please him in that way. And no its not you haha i dont think so

[Lost]

Well thanks for the replies. Obviously there are perspectives and things happen. Maybe I am looking for a life partner who doesn't have so much baggage as every guy I seem to date does. I just have never felt the need to contact an ex, I am mean if we couldn't work out why would be friends? I guess I say hello to people I have slept with, but I don't actively seek their attention the way I do my family or close friends. I guess we are all different. But seriously, if your seeing/dating a guy and his closest friend is a guy he slept with, I mean isn't that weird? This happened with another guy. And then another guy I dated told me at 3 months into it that his two closest friends were ex's.

I just don't feel like I am the one with baggage, or maybe these guys just wanted to be my friend - of course in the gay sense of the word.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Depends on the people involved and the how and why they broke up.

I think people realize they may not be good at being lovers for one another, but they are good to great as being friends. Those who can part company and still be friendly are doing good.

I'm more curious about 3 relationships in 5 years... Without a break between each that boils down to 20 months each....

I have to wonder why it is you keep getting into short term relationships, and how they end - perhaps your issue with the idea of exes being friends afterward has more to do with your own experiences in and exiting relationships and not the experiences of those who have been in relationships and have discovered that their ex is better as a friend than a lover.

No please don't tell me about your relationships, it is something that I want for you to ask yourself and try to put perspective here.

[Wardo94]

It wouldn't bother me as much. Especially if I have no shred of knowledge of the "friendship" or past relationship they had. I do understand where you're coming from, though. But I think that not every situation is the same. So maybe getting to know the person as a whole and seeing where that goes would be better than just disregarding them completely, cause' they are friend's with an ex or are friend's with someone they slept with. I would maybe, personally see it as a problem, if they were friends with a large amount of people they slept with or ex's. Nothing wrong with your point of view, but don't let that get in the way of potential suitors in the future.