Me making the first move

[Anonymous]

I feel that its always me who makes the first step to date others.
Me approaching others first, me contacting others first, me initiating the conversation first etc. (in real life or dating websites)

There was never once when there was someone who made the first step to me.

I feel really upset. It makes me feel like I'm unlikeable, dislikeable, undesirable and unpreferable. Like I dun have the face or personality to be dateable. I mean if there is at least someone who approach me first, i would feel happy that i'm likeable too.

I know I will not gain anything if I stop approaching others and decide to wait for others to approach others. i will probably be alone if i do that. Thats why I'm still approaching others till today. But sometimes I feel like a dog running to others hoping for love and companionship, but end up being ignored and cast aside. Its really painful.

Am I having wrong thoughts?

[Virge]

do you really believe this subject deserves to be posted anonymously?

[Bluelight]

I know what you mean, but they might be thinking the same thing you are; "why would this guy want anything to do with me". I've had a few "dates" in the past, even though they didn't really lead anywhere except sex, but half the time the other guy admitted to me that they were too afraid to approach me. Little did they know I felt the same way about them.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Well I get approached and let others take charge. I never pursue, or start the hunt... no matter how attractive or cool or nice or fuckable I think a guy is, I never have the nerve to speak up and open up the conversation.

In fact, I will start a conversation with people I have no attraction to. so if I approach you you can be pretty certain that there is no attraction.

Mind its not like I lack interest or I think men are horrible monsters. I'm just 'shy' or introverted if you prefer. I'm also passive/submissive in many of my behaviors.

I also have self esteem issues (a lot worse than most people may think), and will sit there talking myself out of approaching a person because I know I'm as ugly as sin, fatter than a planet, a horrible, creepy, ugly, nasty, no good S.O.B who will never grow up to amount to anything.....

Mind this is all on good authority, Mommy Dearest told me these things often.

Believe it or not a lot of gays have issues of self esteem. We live in a world that tells us we are sick, perverted, sinners - heck even the very language tells us that gay is a negative - as in 'That car is so gay' or 'that sports team is so gay'....

So having self esteem and believing we are worth approaching (or being approached) is something most of us struggle with.

Chances are high if you are targeting a quiet guy who seems to be supporting the building structure, that he is more of a mess than you are and most likely is happy you showed him interest and most likely is interested in you, but would die if he was forced to approach you...

[cunningluvr]

I used to wait...and wait...and wait to be talked to. And got really good at jacking off. And then one day I got a little too alcoholically courageous sitting next to a guy who I HAD to have, and put my hand on his thigh and introduced myself. I got laid. I still like to jack off a lot, since I got so good at it, but I get laid a lot more often now that I know nothing ventured nothing gained.

[axejet]

Seeing your picture would help us know what you mean...

[Anocxu]

I used to wait...and wait...and wait to be talked to. And got really good at jacking off. And then one day I got a little too alcoholically courageous sitting next to a guy who I HAD to have, and put my hand on his thigh and introduced myself. I got laid. I still like to jack off a lot, since I got so good at it, but I get laid a lot more often now that I know nothing ventured nothing gained.

Last time I put my hand on a guys thigh...
I took his wallet. ..

[ChadCoxRox]

Anonymous, if you will explore and answer Virge's question in the first reply (anonymously) you'll uncover some of the source for your trouble. Don't be shy. We will love ya up!!! Like a prized sibling.

[Gabriel]

What happens when you make the first move? Do people respond in a positive way or run screaming?

I'm not being a smartass, my point is that so many people are timid about being the one to make the first move. Not only in dating, but in a lot of situations. So if you have the confidence to do it, that's pretty awesome. And if you get positive responses even some of the time, you're a pretty cool guy.

Instead of looking at it as a negative, see it for what it is. Positive. You rock!!

[Mraaronlb]

I feel like I am the same way sometimes. Sometimes we just have to wait and let things come to us. Like, stop searching and it will come. .. ok.. maybe not.