Man, this is going to be long. I posted a few months back about how im deeply in love with my best friend. We've moved in for college and things have gone smoothly. Our friendship is at an all time high. Was, I mean. Last week, after a night of drinking, as usual, we're having a lot of fun and watching TV, just relaxing. We spend the night talking and at 5 am he decides we should take some shots. I'm pretty trashed at this point, and him even more so. We proceed to take shots and i go outside for a smoke. When I come back, he is in the bathroom so I go to bed, cause its 5:30 in the morning and I'm damn tired. He comes in and lays down next to me and immediately passes out next to me. On my bed. This is where I think I've made the biggest mistake of my life. I reached my hand into his shorts and felt him for a little bit. He had no idea, he was out. I stop and about 15 minutes later he proceeds to get up, piss on my floor, and crash in his room. The next morning we're talking and he asks me if anything weird happened, because he doesn't remember. This is giant fuck up #2. I told him he asked me to feel him, but I said no and he went to bed. Please don't ask me why I said this, I don't really know myself. To see what his reaction would be like maybe? I don't know. I've been ridden with guilt for over a week and its absolutely killing me. So anyway, three nights ago, we drink again. I'm getting ready for bed and he stumbles into my room. We're both trashed. He said. "If I made you uncomfortable when I said that, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. But I'm not going to lie, I've had some dreams about you before, and I'm sure you have about me. I've googled this shit and its apparently normal. You know I'm not gay and I know you're not gay (yeah, right...) but I'm an open person. So we try some stuff for like 10 or 20 minutes. Neither of us finish. He looks at me and says "Its just not for me." He gives me a hug, tells me I'm his best friend, says "Tonight never happened," and goes to bed. This is really eating me inside. It was pure torture to catch a glimpse of what a relationship with him could be like, and it will never happen again. And how I lied to my best fucking friend isn't sitting with me well either. But man, I can't tell him. He keeps telling me I'm being too quiet and distant lately and that I should cheer up. He's completely out it out of his mind. It never happened for him. All he's said about it is "It's only awkward if you make it awkward." My god guys, I don't know what to do or how to handle this. My stomach hurts all o the time.
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It sounds like he's more open to it and taking it better than you are.
RELAX!!!!
From the sounds of it, the next time you guys get drunk it'll probably happen again. It sounds like you're both in denial.
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Borg, I was actually thinking the same thing. I'm pretty sure that things like that don't "just happen" unless both participants are willing!
Mn, don't be so hard on yourself! Go take a drive, hang out with some friends, see a funny movie, something to take your mind off this. Honestly, taking a nice drive always helps me. Until I get home and see I used a quarter of a tank of gas! hahahah
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Quote:He comes in and lays down next to me and immediately passes out next to me. On my bed. This is where I think I've made the biggest mistake of my life. I reached my hand into his shorts and felt him for a little bit. He had no idea, he was out.
Non-consensual sex is considered rape. When you take advantage of a person who has passed out, it is rape.
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Sexual assault, is sexual assault, regardless of what way you want to try and justify it in your head.
That your appear to have tried to shift the guilt onto your friend by saying he asked for it, is quite frankly astounding. Your right to feel guilty.
Your not the first gay guy to fall for their straight friend, and your not the first gay guy to sexually assault their straight friend while they were shit faced and incapable of objecting to your actions.
Man up, and move out.
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Two drunk friends. Stuff happens.
Bowyn is right, though to be fair it is probably best to just drop the whole thing. If somethng happens again, make sure you are both consenting. This sort of encounter 9the second one) is simple exploration that happens all the time. Stop putting so much emphasis on it and try to deal with the fact that you have possibly unrequiteable feelings. Just do not do anything ever again without full consent. Ever.
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Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Non-consensual sex is considered rape. When you take advantage of a person who has passed out, it is rape.
OlderButWiser Wrote:Sexual assault, is sexual assault, regardless of what way you want to try and justify it in your head.
That your appear to have tried to shift the guilt onto your friend by saying he asked for it, is quite frankly astounding. Your right to feel guilty.
Your not the first gay guy to fall for their straight friend, and your not the first gay guy to sexually assault their straight friend while they were shit faced and incapable of objecting to your actions.
Man up, and move out.
Thank you both for saying this, I agree. The 'friend' was not in a position to refuse, he was taken advantage of and abused.
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^^^ Normally I would agree with you guys... but in this case (and only this one), ASSUMING everything the OP says is 100% true... I think the friend is just as guilty in orchestrating this dance around sex as the OP is... daring each other to make the first move because they're both too chickenshit to just come out and admit that they both want it. I think the friend could very well have put himself there fully well knowing what was going to happen. Again, ASSUMING everything the OP says is 100% true...
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You abused your best friend. Legally what you did was rape, however, since he did not get damaged, has no memory of the incident and you were also impaired I'm not willing to judge here. You are doing this yourself quite successfully.
What good does it do him, if you confess your transgression? None at all. You only want to confess to relieve your guilt. To that I say: Suffer, bitch!
If you promise yourself that this will never, ever happen again, you might be able to forgive yourself and continue the friendship and see where it leads
Tl:dr shut it, suffer, forgive yourself, move on
Bernd
Being gay is not for Sissies.
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Borg69 Wrote:^^^ Normally I would agree with you guys... but in this case (and only this one), ASSUMING everything the OP says is 100% true... I think the friend is just as guilty in orchestrating this dance around sex as the OP is... daring each other to make the first move because they're both too chickenshit to just come out and admit that they both want it. I think the friend could very well have put himself there fully well knowing what was going to happen. Again, ASSUMING everything the OP says is 100% true...
Borg, buddy, I gotta disagree. If a woman wears a short skirt and tight shirt and she gets attacked, is it her fault?
the OP needed to control himself.
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