Older man, we had some fun, found out he's on tv...

[wayward]

I'm sure the peanut gallery has been yelling things from the rafters. This man is clearly confused on his aims. If you want to be dramatic it could be construed that his life is in crisis. Even if he is doing so unconsciously he is in all likelihood playing a game. To be honest it reminds me of the film about Liberace: Behind the Candelabra. This all depends on how willing you are to get hurt playing the game. It could get deep and complicated the moment you lose attentiveness. The potential for that was clear after something physically happened that first night after the bar. In the end you might want to write a script for your own movie, but that's just me. With luck you'll only go through a gayer version of "My week with Marylyn." Don't crucify me here, I wish you the best.

[mvoco]

Well, I think it's safe to say things have become a little more confusing/complicated - yes, yes, I can hear the 'I told you so's'!!
Seems he'd been negotiating a tv role in recent weeks and got good news so the night we went to the theatre he was in very high spirits. We went to the play and then the after party and met some old friends and acquaintances of his who teased him about me being his toy boy! I don't know if it was the theatre setting or the fact he was so happy with his good news but he was incredibly camp all night and flirted outrageously with me (obviously the wine played a role too!).
As we walked to get a taxi at the end of the night a group of four women recognised him and asked to have photos taken with him. He was very obliging and happily chatted to them. I'll admit I was a little taken aback, I think it was probably the first time it really struck me that he's well known. He has actual fans! These women adored him! They kept asking when he was going to be on tv again and complimenting him. They paid me little attention until he put his arm around my shoulder when he a taxi stopped near us, as people got out of the taxi, he wished the women a good night. They said the same to him and he gave my shoulder a little squeeze and replied that he "undoubtedly" would! The women obviously got the drift of what he meant and they looked slightly surprised and not quite sure if he was joking or not. In the taxi I said I'd had the impression he didn't want the general public knowing he was gay. He just laughed a little and said theres a difference between not wanting anyone to know and just not feeling the need to shout it from the rooftops. He insisted I get dropped off first by the taxi and that he walk me to the door where he gently kissed me goodnight. For a moment I did feel like I was in a film!
I haven't seen him since, he's been doing actory/celeb things here and there about the country and even though it's not like we'd been seeing each other every day anyway I actually miss him. I keep reminding myself that he has a partner but (and I know some people will hate me for this) I don't really care. I'm probably a horrible horrible person but I don't believe their relationship is all that solid anyway, so I wouldn't feel all that bad about pursuing him if I was certain I wanted him, that he was worth potential hassle and that he felt the same.

You may begin the stoning!

[princealbertofb]

No stoning, Mvoco, no stoning here. It's a bit of a melodrama, but life can be just that, a melodrama. We're all hoping it doesn't end badly for you.
How old are you exactly? And what is your connection with the theatre world? Are you in acting yourself, or are you a 'boring' old accountant? Or IT person? Or student?

I'm sorry I haven't yet had the opportunity to you here yet, so welcome to GaySpeak.

I have had some connections with the theatre and musical worlds and I know relationships can be difficult for those engaged in those sorts of professions. I'm not saying they don't happen, and I'm not saying they're all bad.

My feeling here is that this is a man with a lot of baggage (he's got a child from a previous relationship even if it wasn't a lasting one, he's got a child and he'll probably feel some duties toward any child or children he's had... that's normal. Then he's probably had more than one relationship, which, again, in his line of work, won't be surprising).

I think actors can get pretty lonely sometimes if they're working for a longish period away from their home, or their couple, and it's not surprising that they should want to pair with someone for friendship, or maybe more.

There's nothing wrong with being friends with benefits, of course, if that suits both partners of the relationship, there's nothing wrong with having several partners, if that's all life can afford you and you need the closeness. The thing is, with you getting attached now, you'll need to question how you feel about being so much younger than he is, you'll need to think about your role and potential place in his life.

He lives away from his current partner because, presumably that old flame has died. There must be a reason why they broke up initially. Maybe they are not showing much 'couple-ness' now precisely because it's a bit of a rebound solution. They feel comfortable enough together, they know they can count on one another's support, presumably, as friends at least, and there aren't too many hard feelings from the break-up. Sometimes people can break up because they realise the relationship is just hard to sustain when one person isn't present enough in the relationship. Maybe despite their getting back together again, there is something broken there and he'd be quite happy to start a new relationship. We older men are scared of having to go back in the world and start everything from scratch again. It's just we get comfortable in our old shoes.

There's also this scenario to take into account : sometimes people meet other people with a firm resolve that they're not 'ready' to start something new, and then things happen, the flame is rekindled for some reason, and they find that they're more ready to go forward with a new adventure than they thought they were initially. Maybe it's this scenario playing out now. Thus the new "boy toy" thing. Since it was said as a joke, you needn't feel that you're going to be used. He seems to have acted like a gentleman so far (apart from the rather strange hand job thing, but the circumstances were maybe there playing in both your favours).

It seems your actor is fully aware that he's a load of potential trouble if he leads you along, and yet, he may be starting to think that there would be something going on between you. His feelings are maybe just as confused and awkward as yours are for the moment. You can't blame him. And I suppose you can't help feeling something for this man who sort of picked you up, as it were, in a bar. Did you know he was famous from the onset? How does his celebrity sit with you? Does it make you feel uncomfortable? Do you wish to pursue this friendship / relationship to another level, if it goes that way, or do you think you should get out of it fast and start trying to find someone closer to your own age?

There have been many relationships between younger and older men, and they have worked out. You will need to think, however, of what your friends, and mostly your family will feel about it, if your family has a say in whoever you date.

[Cuddly]

It sounds very exciting and very romantic. I'm just left with this question, if he ditched his partner for you, after having been seeing you, behind his partner's back, is that the kind of partner you'd want? A potential cheater who will leave you, slowly, as soon as some younger meat shows interest?

All the same, it makes me giddy just to read it

[Rareboy]

Well I don't want to piss on the parade...but to flirt all night and then tell a group of strangers that he would 'Undoubtedly' have a good night as he was squeezing your shoulder...only to dump you off first with only a peck on the lips......and then no follow-up after.....I get the sense this is all about role playing.

At the moment, I think you are experiencing a 'fucked by angels' syndrome....you need to honestly ask yourself what you want out of your friendship/relationship with this guy before months drift by and you are still no closer (but no farther away either) to him. If the two of you are using one another for companionship and friendship with no unequal expectations...great. But if he's just using you to fill some gap in his own life without really thinking or caring about your fulfillment...I'd extract myself before the emotional attachment becomes too imbalanced.

[LEANDRONJ]

I hate to rain on your parade, but all this feels like just before a heavy downpour, where the negative and positive ions seemingly come together, and so therefore creating a "temporary" very strong "feel good" scent in the air! just saying!!

[alex27]

Please dont be offended but you sound a little desperate, there are plenty of decent blokes about apparently, go find someone whose has less baggage perhaps. Your previous posts sound like a script from a movie! The more u see this man the more ull like him. He wont leave his partner for you, you can bet ur life on that. You sound like u want sex with him from your posts, how will u feel after sex when he goes back to his partner? Depressed id imagine! Maybe a bit used. You wont want to make a clean break but you either feel sad now or very sad later!! Sorry if this harsh and you dont want to hear it.

[findingmyway]

I'm not going to once "once a cheater, always a cheater", but I imagine that at one point your guy was in love/had feelings for his current partner. I imagine things were going well. But, at some point, something changed, and he went behind his partner's back to be with you (and maybe others before you). So, if he was willing to do that to his current partner and disrespect him, there is the very real chance that he will do that to you as well. And, from the sound of things, it feels like he's already being disrespectful to you by using you as some sort of prop he can wave around to others whenever he feels in the mood to do so.

[mvoco]

No stoning, Mvoco, no stoning here. It's a bit of a melodrama, but life can be just that, a melodrama. We're all hoping it doesn't end badly for you.
How old are you exactly? And what is your connection with the theatre world? Are you in acting yourself, or are you a 'boring' old accountant? Or IT person? Or student?



It seems your actor is fully aware that he's a load of potential trouble if he leads you along, and yet, he may be starting to think that there would be something going on between you. His feelings are maybe just as confused and awkward as yours are for the moment. You can't blame him. And I suppose you can't help feeling something for this man who sort of picked you up, as it were, in a bar. Did you know he was famous from the onset? How does his celebrity sit with you? Does it make you feel uncomfortable? Do you wish to pursue this friendship / relationship to another level, if it goes that way, or do you think you should get out of it fast and start trying to find someone closer to your own age?

There have been many relationships between younger and older men, and they have worked out. You will need to think, however, of what your friends, and mostly your family will feel about it, if your family has a say in whoever you date.

Hi, thanks for your reply (thanks to everyone) You have raised a lot of points that have been running around my mind already! I'm 26, he's 54. When we first met he said he was an actor but I didn't realise until later when I looked him up that I had actually seen him on tv. He's not exactly a household name but is more well known than I perhaps first thought. I have nothing to do with theatre or acting. A friend of mine knows someone who works in tv and once worked on the same show he did. I'm not sure his "celebrity" would really be an issue. We've been out together several times and only once has he been recognised and stopped. He chatted and joked very easily with those women as if it was no big deal. Thinking back now I suppose I was taken aback more so because it was the first time it had happened.

He and his partner (now ex!) are certainly very comfortable with each other, and I don't claim for a second to understand the ins and outs of their relationship but the feeling I get is that it's been almost just a habit. But he texted me today to say they have split up! It's all amicable it seems. He didn't say why. Of course I'm wondering if I'm the reason why, but he didn't elaborate and he's too busy this week to meet up. That's the kind of conversation that's best done face to face I think.

My friends are divided on the matter, and my family have no input into my romantic relationships. I'm not concerned by the age gap, I dated an older man before although admittedly the gap wasn't as great. I just feel like I've been getting mixed messages from him but perhaps that will change now he and his partner have split.

[LEANDRONJ]

Hi, thanks for your reply (thanks to everyone) You have raised a lot of points that have been running around my mind already! I'm 26, he's 54. When we first met he said he was an actor but I didn't realise until later when I looked him up that I had actually seen him on tv. He's not exactly a household name but is more well known than I perhaps first thought. I have nothing to do with theatre or acting. A friend of mine knows someone who works in tv and once worked on the same show he did. I'm not sure his "celebrity" would really be an issue. We've been out together several times and only once has he been recognised and stopped. He chatted and joked very easily with those women as if it was no big deal. Thinking back now I suppose I was taken aback more so because it was the first time it had happened.

He and his partner (now ex!) are certainly very comfortable with each other, and I don't claim for a second to understand the ins and outs of their relationship but the feeling I get is that it's been almost just a habit. But he texted me today to say they have split up! It's all amicable it seems. He didn't say why. Of course I'm wondering if I'm the reason why, but he didn't elaborate and he's too busy this week to meet up. That's the kind of conversation that's best done face to face I think.

My friends are divided on the matter, and my family have no input into my romantic relationships. I'm not concerned by the age gap, I dated an older man before although admittedly the gap wasn't as great. I just feel like I've been getting mixed messages from him but perhaps that will change now he and his partner have split.

And suppose he finally split up? anyone who splits up usually takes a long long time to finally part from a break up, and that is a fact, not something I made up! so consider yourself as a rebound, and we all know the consequences of that kind of relationship!

Sorry to sound so negative, it is not my intention! I do hope things can work out for both of you! but if you still want to proceed with this "temporary high" love affair, do it with caution, because if you ignore the possible consequences, that temporary high is going to take you down fast!