When/whether to out self to straight guy

[ShiftyNJ]

So I attended a concert recently with a guy who I know only casually, just because we both felt like seeing it. We met online some years ago in a musical forum and have talked mostly about music, although we each know what the other does for a living, etc. But very superficial.

So we had fun at said concert, talked only a little more because, really, you can't carry on a conversation in a mosh pit, but agreed via text that we should get together again, even if it is just to eat or whatever.

So, I have not said shit about my orientation or relationship, nor asked about his, get zero gay vibe from him, and don't think there is any worry about attraction either way, but now it's like the proverbial elephant. At some point is he going to ask what my deal is? I would be very unlikely to lie about it, but also don't want to make an issue of it by just randomly throwing it out there. Just wondering how you handled similar situation.

[SHOman93]

I told a friend that I have just recently acquired. He was really cool about it and pretty much said that it didn't change anything. I do somewhat regret waiting so long to tell him, but now I know. I would rather someone know toward the beginning than figure it out at the end....if you get my drift.

[ShiftyNJ]

Agreed; don't know why I'm so stupid about it. Another guy met in much the same way, I accepted his Facebook request and figured "let him figure out". When Facebook robo-posted about our 11th anniversary, he was the first one to "like" it.

This guy also clapped at a song one of the openers did about how lame it is to use "gay" as a synonym of "stupid" or "faggot" to mean "weak" so maybe I am not giving him enough credit.

[East]

I treat is as a non issue and the only way I ever let anyone know I am gay is to introduce them to my boyfriend...or mention I dated this or that guy...in normal conversation....

I try to make it clear that it is a non issue for me and so most of the time...if not all the time...it becomes a non issue for them and I think they are grateful for that. I have a lot of straight male friends.

If he talks about girls I might say...yeah...she seems nice but that guy over there is more my type...and then keep on rolling with the conversation as though nothing unusual happened

[ShiftyNJ]

I treat is as a non issue and the only way I ever let anyone know I am gay is to introduce them to my boyfriend...or mention I dated this or that guy...in normal conversation....

I try to make it clear that it is a non issue for me and so most of the time...if not all the time...it becomes a non issue for them and I think they are grateful for that. I have a lot of straight male friends.

If he talks about girls I might say...yeah...she seems nice but that guy over there is more my type...and then keep on rolling with the conversation as though nothing unusual happened

There was a LOT of eye-candy in the mosh pit. A. LOT. Hopefully we will get to the point where we can joke about that.

[Mercutio]

I don't know if anyone has ever seen the movie "Sordid Lives" but I feel like Ty sometimes. I want to tell my mother that I'm gay but I think she probably already knows and just pretends like I'm not. Every time I go over to dinner, I always get the old: "So have you met any nice girls at work?" question. When I say no, she always replies with: "Well then, it's just not your time to meet the right one yet." She's a regular Cleopatra...Queen of "De-nial".

[ShiftyNJ]

Yea, we watched that. There is supposed to be a sequel/reunion, something.

Remember when Brother Boy said "I will not be a participant in my own recovery" ? You just reminded me... A bishop of my church, the Rt. Rev. Barbara Harris, who is still a bad-ass with no filters at age 84, said in a sermon that "I will not be a participant in my own -- or anyone else's -- oppression." Was thinking about that in terms of your other situation.

[spilovn]

how lame it is to use "gay" as a synonym of "stupid" or "faggot" to mean "weak".

So true but that wont stop lame people from saying it though i think its less used now than when i was at school, or maybe thats wishful thinking

I think east is right but if it doesnt come up in conversation, try to bring it up yourself, why wait for him to say "she’s hot" etc to say "i prefer guys" when you can just say "he’s hot" if YOU SEE somebody you think is hot, do you know what i mean.

lets face it, being openly gay is not the norm and if your not camp or really feminin your presumed straight, so in a way if your getting friendly with someone you owe it to them to tell them because they will think otherwise.

[Virge]

Do we worry too much about how others will react when or how we come out to them?

I really wonder. I try to make sure to inform people who should know and I can't remember the last person who gave me a negative response.

[ShiftyNJ]

LOL I'm not happy unless I have something to angst about, apparently.

I do not have a lot invested in this person... it just is not a situation I'm often in (other than the gym, most people I meet are through a context where they're already somewhat aware of my story).

Do we worry too much about how others will react when or how we come out to them?

I really wonder. I try to make sure to inform people who should know and I can't remember the last person who gave me a negative response.