Monogamous relationship and keep in touch with former sex friends

[Zurdoknoc]

Hi all :
I would like to know your point of view. My partner and I have been in a monogamous relationship for 2 1/2 years. However yesterday I found out that he's been in touch with one of his former sex buddies during all this time. I tried to talk to him and express my point of you telling him that I don't agree with that because from my point of view Being touch with former six bodies is not part of that whole monogamy that he wants. I live in Los Angeles that guy leaves in Miami and that used to be sex buddies many years ago. When I tried to talk to him he put the blame on me saying that I am immature and he tried to go around saying that the guy called asking for help in terms of something that he need it. Long story short he never admitted that what he's doing is hurting me and he keeps thinking that it's okay. I asked him if it's okay if Do the same and he said that he doesn't want that. I called back the guy and I told him not to call to our house or his cell phone again because he is in a relationship and we don't want him as part of it. My got mad at me because I called back the guy and I did what he supposed to be doing telling him to stop calling. Are the end of the discussion and I ended up being the one who's guilty immature and all the blame on me but he did was wrong from my point of view and never admitted that he knows that it hurts me and you never apologized or said that he was going to take care of. My partner is 20 years older than me. He's very selfish and stubborn and he will never meet him he's wrong or did something wrong He rather goes around and try to flip the situation and put the blame on me using his favorite phrase "you are so immature". It's not the first time a former sexy body has contacted him and he answers back take the call or talk to them. Please give me your advice I will I will appreciate it. thank yo

[palbert]

You are in Southern California; the former sex buddy is in Miami. Why is their communicating such a threat? It leads me to believe that you have much deeper problems with your relationship at home. It certainly doesn't sound like a very healthy situation.

[Lexington]

Actually, if you ask me, you're both "guilty" and immature.

Staying in touch with ex-sex partners isn't at all uncommon. Hell, straight people usually deal with their exes on a regular basis, do they not? I stay in touch with a couple from my past, as does my partner. And I think that's true of most couples I know. Sometimes, the falling out was painful, and they don't keep contact, but otherwise, there's no reason to cut contact because "now I'm seeing somebody else".

He made some bad moves. He should've been more open about his relationship with them. He should've kept everything above board. And there's not much to gain from name-calling and blame-shifting. That said, there was no reason to call him up and tell him "don't call here anymore". Because sorry - you don't get to dictate his relationships. You can make your opinions felt, but at the end of the day, it's up to him. He WAS accurate after a fashion - your response to this has been somewhat immature. There's almost never a call for a "nuh-uh, he's MY man now" routine, and it certainly doesn't seem like there's any call for it here.

As pal said, it doesn't seem like the relationship is on very stable ground. You might give some serious thought as to whether you want to put in the time and effort to fix the foundation, or just let the thing topple.

Lex

[Zurdoknoc]

Thanks for your responses but I don't think and believe that you should keeping thought you would fuck buddies bottle when you are in a monogamous relationship I'm okay with keeping in touch with former partners but sex buddies before you used to have sex for the sake of it I don't think it's healthy for the relationship. He has told me that he wouldn't like me to do the same so why do I need to put up with that. Keeping in touch with the former partner it's fine with me, but country much and if you keep in touch with all the people you have sexing your life god that was that would be insane. Trust and respect are the basis of our relationship when trust is broken it's really hard to fix or maybe you can't fix it At all. These issue has happened 5 times now. And I'm not talking about partners in life I'm talking about former six friends. I appreciate your opinions about all this my beliefs are strong and toward monogamy I take it in the whole context of its meaning

[spencer]

Although I overall disagree with your position on the topic I do think it's totally wrong for your boyfriend to tell you that he wouldn't be okay with you being friends with a former sex buddy and yet he feels he's allowed to be and he should not be hiding things from you.

[BrianNorth]

Yeah I think the both of you have done things that are wrong here. I see a few things.

#1 ) You're anxious about him communicating with past flames. You see it as a threat to your relationship and akin to cheating.

#2 ) He's on the stubborn side so there isn't much dialogue that isn't loud and unproductive.

I can really only say what I'd do in such a situation. You've got something you are bothered by and he should address that. If he has a healthy friendship with this person then it's not fair for that to stop. I'd only see it going against your commitment if he's sexting the guy.

So in my opinion he should be addressing the trust issues and lack of relationship confidence. Seems to be the root cause. Some need more reassurance than others.

[Darius]

You did wrong, for sure, however I am left wondering if this sex buddy was just about sex or if they were friends too. If t was just sex between them, I think it's weird that they have reconnected.

[Zurdoknoc]

For the information and clarification: The guy was JUST a sex bufa. They USED to meet only to fuck. The guy I think is wanting more than that since he keeps calling him any talk about his problems. When I called him back to ask him to stop calling out house and my partner cell phone he started to scream at me many offensive words. My partner had the "courtesy" to even introduced us one time. In other words, when I was on the phone with him I was respectful during all the rampage of offenses the former fuck buddy was saying and just asked him to stop calling. My partner still thinks I did wrong and keeps saying "he is really upset now". For me , it's a lack of respect towards your partner. Fuck buddies need to stay away or kept away from any relationship since they just don't belong there anymore