Gay people also want to be parents

[Adam]

im just going to reply to the original post and not dissect it for hidden meaning

Your wish for children to complete your family has been played out in Modern Family tv show and as you can see from Mitchel and Cams adoption that its very acceptable now for gay couples to adopt a child and create a happy family unit

Thank you. Yes, I consider adoption one of possible options. But I'm also thinking about other variants which exist. Surrogacy, for example. Now I'm thinking about pros and cons of each variant for me

[Jake]

Well, Adam from what I understand you didn't come here to get advice, you came here to tell us your desire to become a parent. Which is very good no matter what other says. From your replies it seems to me that you are pretty decided. However, now the only thing you're going to get here will not help you much since you have made your decision. Of course you're talking for two people which the other guy isn't here to give his point of view. Yes, you have made a mistake by "normalizing" the desire of being parents. As you may have realized that being parent isn't everyone's desire, whether they are gay or not. But it is everyone's right to be if they desire so.

You came here asking for advice, I gave you an example of myself and my husband who have 5 children, yet you just took it as being a nice story, but in between you seem to have missed the point. I went through a lot for adopting my child and this was done internationally, which is one heck of an adventure if you ask me. I know a shit load about adoption because I, myself, was adopted (and you'll notice that I speak of my adoptive mother as my real mother - I am in their family three so are all my children), so you didn't get just a cute story to bring you tears or envy, I gave you a hint that if you need the advice you're looking for, perhaps it would have been good for you to contact me or my husband directly because we went through it. I am the result of adoption myself. I know more about adoption than most of the people you will encounter here.

However, it may be too late as this account will be deleted at the end of today. Now that you feel ready to adopt or have kids by any means possible, if you believe that you truly went through all pros and cons (allow me to doubt it) because it doesn't matter the amount of thinking you'll do, when that little person enters your life and that of your partner the game rules will change and many of your previous questioning will just be questioning as the reality starts to kick in.

You are in New York City, well, that's a big city, there's certainly adoption agencies, or even association of gay parents that can give you the advices and the information you need to fulfill your dream. Do you really believe Adam you will get a subjective idea here? Most of the guys here aren't parents, the majority of them don't want children, some are just content with being uncles. You need a place where you can get real advices from people who have been through that road that you're about to take. What you'll get here is people's personal opinions, fears or disagreement or people who will take one word that you placed wrongly and they'll go around that word making it sound like a grammatical correction. Yet you came across someone who does have children, I would have expected you to contact me and ask for more details.

Your thread here will have a life span of about 3 or 4 days and when you'll stop responding it will be quickly forgotten. Do you really believe Adam you came to the right place to get advices on gay parenting? If you said you did some research, what in the world make you believe that GS was the place to discuss such things? Here's a quick research I did and there's the result:

http://www.therainbowbabies.com/Links.html - discussion group of gay parents with legal advices, it's all about treating the subjects of:

• Insemination
  
• Surrogacy
  
• Adoption
  
• Foster Care
  
• Pregnancy
  
• Raising Kids
  

http://www.adoptionopen.com/gay_adoption.html - WOW look it's in NY and it's all about adoption for gay people.

Adam if you and your partner want to be parents, stop fucking around the bushes and go straight to the information, stop talking about it with people of general interest, they'll only put some more doubts into you or you'll spend more time arguing and defending your ideas when in fact it seems that what you want is to become a daddy. Take action! However, what you can do with GS once you have started taking action, it's to create a thread telling your journey (this is more what you can do with a subject like this in GS).

Oh, and by the way... GET A FAMILY LAWYER (those are specialized with most of family matters including adoption, insemination and other parental options) if you do not have one already. The adoption lingo is as fucked as the criminal or business law.

Good luck and welcome into parenthood (I have given you my personal contact in PM should you need our help).

Best to you and your partner!

[Adam]

Thank you very much for a lot of useful inf.! I didn't even expect that there are so many people like me even in the city where I live! And thank you for your story! 5 kids - it is really great! Best to you and to your big happy family!

[Jack01]

I know lots of people who try to be ironic but cannot do it even using a mother tongue. Everything depends on sense of humor

[quote=Adam]Thank you very much for a lot of useful inf.! I didn't even expect that there are so many people like me even in the city where I live! And thank you for your story! 5 kids - it is really great! Best to you and to your big happy family![/
Your story touched my heart. I hope, everything will be ok and you'll become the happiest daddy in the world)))))

[Adam]

[quote=Adam]Thank you very much for a lot of useful inf.! I didn't even expect that there are so many people like me even in the city where I live! And thank you for your story! 5 kids - it is really great! Best to you and to your big happy family![/
Your story touched my heart. I hope, everything will be ok and you'll become the happiest daddy in the world)))))

Thank you. I did not expect to get so much support from people I don't really know. The advice I got here can help me a lot. The recommendations given are very helpful! And I probably will be the happiest daddy in the world!

[Virge]

I've intentionally stayed off this thread and honestly didn't expect it to last this long. The reason I stayed off of it is because most of the guys in here know my guy and I intend to come parents and over the past 2 and half years have been moulding our lives to prepare for not only becoming fathers but the best possible fathers we can be. The target date is 2020.

Why that long? To be sure we have covered all bases and prepared for everything we possibly can. We also have a target amount of savings to reach. By the time we're ready if foster parenting for 2 relatively wealthy gay men isn't a possibility in our state as much as we'll temporarily hate it, we'll move to a state where we can. Also by 2020 we will have had six years as a 24/7/365 couple to do all or most of the things we want to do as a couple before nesting and settling in for the next twenty or more years as parents. We're going at it as foster parents because there are way too many kids right here in this country who need what we can give them. Surrogate parenting is out of the question because neither of us are enthused about passing on genetic problems we each have to another generation.

Going out of the country to adopt just hits me wrong and I apologize for this analogy. It's like driving 1000 miles to get a puppy instead of getting one from the shelter six blocks away. We don't have an urge to compete with Bradgelina Jolipitt and collect kids from every continent like souvenirs.

Straight out adoption in the USA (as Beaux almost pointed out) is unjustifiaby expensive. Why? The same reason when I was born in 1987 the cost of a delivery with 3 days in the hospital cost $1,100 and today costs close to $25,000. Lawyers have turned adoption into a legal industry to support themselves the same way they have turned suing for malpractice into a major cost in healthcare by causing medical liability insurance to skyrocket. Today in the USA adoption is the equivalent of a child's college education. Why stuff money in a lawyer's pocket that could be better spent to educate an adopted child?

By fostering -- and preparing for kids who are pretty much labeled undesirable for adoption due to the understandable concern of adoptive parents to get a $60,000 kid for the $60,000 they'll have to dish out -- we'll be helping kids who need loving, patient and caring parents the most. My man is a psychologist who has been working with children and teens for over two years and intends to continue that when he begins family practice with a team of family practice physicians this winter. That will kill a whole flock of birds with one stone. The children will have any health care they need, he will be broadening his experience with children and teens and he'll be working in his chosen field and making enough to compensate when I scale back my career to be a full time daddy.

Starting in 2011 I completely changed my career goals that would have meant long hours and a considerable amount of travel to take on things that I will eventually be able to do from the house in my spare time. I have made connections with local foster parents who are already my eager mentors in preparing for things I had no idea I would need to prepare for. I'm not talking about diapers or colic. I'm talking about developmental problems from mothers who used drugs and alcohol during pregnancies, birth defects and other physical, psychological or developmental problems.

Adam, you haven't mentioned anything that makes me feel you're prepared for what parenting really means or anything that makes me believe you're approaching it with a plan. To be honest if you were sitting in my house telling what you've told in here I'd do my best to talk you out of it until you and your partner have worked out a long range plan for what will be a commitment more important that the relationship the two of you have. You're going to be giving up most of the minutes of your non sleep time (and loose a lot of sleep too) for twenty years. Jay and I have already been talking about how to react to the first car wreck when one of our kids gets a license and how to handle things if one of them is of another race. There's a huge canyon to build a bridge across to get from wanting children to becoming prepared to be the best parents you can be.

[Adam]

Adam, you haven't mentioned anything that makes me feel you're prepared for what parenting really means or anything that makes me believe you're approaching it with a plan. To be honest if you were sitting in my house telling what you've told in here I'd do my best to talk you out of it until you and your partner have worked out a long range plan for what will be a commitment more important that the relationship the two of you have. You're going to be giving up most of the minutes of your non sleep time (and loose a lot of sleep too) for twenty years. Jay and I have already been talking about how to react to the first car wreck when one of our kids gets a license and how to handle things if one of them is of another race. There's a huge canyon to build a bridge across to get from wanting children to becoming prepared to be the best parents you can be.[/QUOTE]
Well, it is your personal opinion. By the way, I'm not going to come to your house and to prove you anything. Or to tell you or anybody else here, what I'm planning to do next 20 years)))) Of course, I have such a plan. Of course, we're together with my partner have already discussed everything. I just see no reason to write it all here, I came here for support and I got it.

Best wishes

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hello everyone. I'm Adam. I live with my partner for 6 years already. We consider ourselves like a family, But each normal family must have children. I know, that it's impossible for us to carry and bear a child, but I still think that there is some way out for us

Go stand in front of a fertility clinic and tell that to the couples who can't have kids.

I never had kids, and while my biological clock ticked once I immediately ripped that sucker out and took a sledge hammer to it.

Does my lack of desire to have snot covered, slimy brats make me less than normal?

Several years ago a lesbian couple I once new approached me and wanted a two-for-one deal. The general idea is that due to my bone structure and rather high intelligence and other genetic factors I would make the perfect donor for the male genetic material.

Their offer was to carry a child to term for myself and my partner of the time, and then I would bestow upon them the gift of more semen in order for them to produce a offspring for themselves, or the other way around. They even went so far as to produce a stack of documents with all the legalese to relieve me of responsibility for their offspring who would biologically be mine, but I wouldn't have legal obligation of.

Gays and lesbians can in fact have children. Few are technically sterile. Everything works in this area and they can, if they are this desperate to bring yet one more hungry mouth into an overcrowded world with millions starving and billions living in abject poverty.

I think breeding in the 21st century is a selfish act considering how troubled the world is due to the 7,279,679,605 and counting hungry mouths on this planet.

[Adam]

Go stand in front of a fertility clinic and tell that to the couples who can't have kids.

I think, they will agree with me if I do so. If one goes through the treatment at the fertility clinic, that means that he considers his life and family incomplete without kids

[MountLogan]

I would like it! I know what it means! I have a niece. Her name is Valery. She is 11 now. I spend with her as much time as possible since she was born. I understand that being an uncle and being a dad is not the same. But I know how to behave with children and I like it! But anyway Valery is not my daughter. And I want to know how it feels to be a father!

I totally understand what you mean. For me a future with no children is just not the same.
For me the possibility to have a child means more than anything else. I have a baby niece, two months old, and I love her to death. I just cannot imagine the feeling I will have if I become a parent. it will be amazing.

I think they is nothing wrong to want to be a normal family. I do to and so does most heterosexual couples. I'm not sure why people put that as read flag. We are at a age we see lot's of our friends become parents and it's normal to feel incomplete without the possibility to feel it too and want to experience what our friends experience. The feeling to be normal is one of the most common a person can feel.

I also totally understand it's important to consider the issue carefully and not just want a child just because it's normal but because we want that kind of commitment. However, the process for a gay man to have a child is not easy. So I don't think it's possible for a gay man to have a child without really good considerations. It's clear for me you being with the same man for six years and having a niece, you are totally ready to be a dad.

I really hope with all my hearth it will happen soon for you.