no new gay friends rule

[Borg69]

I agree with the guys here.

You're being controlling, over bearing, neurotic, selfish, impractical, jealous ... in short, WRONG.

You can't rule someone's life. He should be there because he WANTS to be. Not because he has to.

Don't project your own fear and insecurity on him.

[MikeW]

The bottom line is this, guys: You can't control what other people do. In my experience, it's difficult enough to control what WE OURSELVES do.

You can make all the rules you want -- better thought of as agreements -- but when it comes right down to it, everyone is going to do whatever they do. If they're thinking with their dicks instead of their head or heart at any given moment, they're very likely to bend or break "the rules" (period).

I view a capital R Relationship as being between two equals. If *anyone* who wanted to be my partner tried to control what I chose to do with my private life, I can assure you I would show them the door faster than I can do a head snap. I'll give you an example... This goes back many, many years ago. I was dating an extremely good looking man -- hot as hell. Not only hot, he was a very high-powered attorney whose specialty was international constitutional law. Very wealthy guy. By comparison in that realm I'm like a "nobody" so for him to have been dating me at all was a clear indication that he was interested in ME -- not my looks, not my money or anything else. The thing is, I hadn't known him very long and he was *already* trying to organize my life for me. The moment of clarity came for me as we were riding in my car: He opened the glove box, took out all the maps, refolded them "properly" and put them back in the glove box in alphabetical order. For me, that was it, right then and there. I was quite willing to go out to dinner, hang out with the guy, w/e, but no way in hell was I going to get emotionally involved with this man -- who clearly felt he knew how I ought to do *everything*.

You know, if you guys aren't ready to be in a long-term monogamous relationship without a lot of "rules" to protect it, maybe you're not ready to be in one at all.

[Lexington]

You can make whatever rules you want him to follow, as you see fit.

And he can choose to abide or not abide by them, as he sees fit.

Lex