Homophobic problem in my family

[LJay]

Where do you live? Is there a state-run school that will take him? Perhaps if he is truly faced with that he will think differently.

What does he propose as a solution?

Going to Europe with your mother seems reasonable. It might broaden his mind a bit.

It is good of you to want to help your mom, but it is really not your problem to solve. You have offered him a place, but if he does not want it you should not have a recalcitrant teenager on your hands. He is likely to get into trouble out of spite.

Is there a possibility that there is the family of one of his schoolmates that your mother could make an arrangement with for the time she will be gone? She could make an arrangement for expenses and he could stay in the same school situation to provide some stability.

As for his homophobia, there may be peer pressure involved. That can be a huge matter for a 15-year-old to endure. He is at the age where he is defining himself and the kids around him could make his life hell over this, perhaps already are. Though it is easy to see a younger brother as a little brat, he does have his own pressures to deal with. It is possible that he will change his attitude in a few years as he gains more life experience.

[Cuddly]

As you've stated multiple times, there's no alternative.

So what's the problem? What can we possibly discuss? We know nothing about your teenage brother or you or your boyfriend. There could be thousands of reasons why he doesn't want to stay with you or there could be none.
Maybe his classmates know that he has a gay brother and he's being bullied because of it? That could explain him wanting to distance himself from you. Maybe he thinks you're some kind of pervert who will do things to him when his mum is away.

There are no other options, so it's final. He will stay with you while your mother is away. His behaviour isn't surprising for a boy of his age, so what's the big deal? Is this the first time he isn't going to get his way?

[Hardheaded1]

It is not your decision. Your mother is guardian, and she must make the call. If she assigns him to your custody, you must immediately have her declare to you privately and in writing what is to be done when he runs away. Do NOT let him know this decision has been made, as it will precipitate the behavior.

[Genersis]

Doesn't seem like there's any other option unless there are other relatives or friends of the family who are willing to take him in.

That really sucks.

[Rareboy]

Mum cannot take him with her. Yes, it is my problem as well, he is my brother. It would be unfair to let mum deal with this alone.

He's been going to the same school since the first grade and I believe he likes it. I don't know is it ok to transfer him to a boarding school for just one year. Our country is quite homophobic, I wouldn't call it liberal.

The first thing that you need to do is to sharpen your problem solving skills, I think. Particularly if you were really going to have to deal with a fifteen year old in your household. To be honest, if all you can do in the face of a problem like this is to resist all the most logical advice and solutions....I don't think that you are the ones to be trying to care for an irrational, volatile, immature adolescent.

This is what we call a 'designed to fail' problem solving process.

The only solution that you want to hear is that your 15 year old brother will not only come around, but will be eager to live with you and your partner. And that you will help him get over his bizarre and inexplicable homophobia. As you know, none of us can give you this answer.

But I guess what I want to know is why the entire universe should be revolving around an unpleasant 15 year old boy? Maybe it is time for him to grow the fuck up and who cares if he doesn't want to go to boarding school. I have to think that if he's picked up his nasty homophobia from his schoolmates....it may be high time that he is in a different school.

[z3ro81]

I take it your mum is happy with your sexuality then considering she is happy for him to live there.

It sounds like he may be a bit of a mummy's boy? If he is that close to her can she not speak to him try to get to the bottom of things?

Bullying or closet sounds like a good call on this one too.

End of the day it sounds like the only option is he is coming to live with you so he is going to have to get used to things.

If he does then it may be rocky for a few weeks, he may try to run away but with his age the police are always going to bring him home.

Hopefully after a period of adjustment (for everyone) hopefully everything will settle down.

[Zone20222]

I honestly don't know what to suggest. Forcing him to stay with you could make things worse. And you're obviously certain about not sending him to boarding school... The only thing that comes to mind is having a talk with him and your mother. You should also discuss this with your boyfriend. He needs to have a say too, since you guys are living together.