Opinion on Coming Out

[Virge]

Matt, I read your opening post right after you wrote it a few days ago and now I'm glad I didn't reply first. In fact I'm going to wait on replying to threads like yours from now on so that guys like you can get the real good advice from the guys who've already given you theirs.

All I can say is there is no rule book or instructions on coming out. It's all about when you are ready to do it and if you are ready to do it. Don't let anyone push you into it. It's more about when you have accepted yourself than others. Don't forget that.

I slipped up at 13 and said something to my brother that let him know for sure I was gay even before I had any idea I really was attracted to guys in that way. He told my parents and all of them were real supportive of me and from the time I was 13 until I went in the marines after graduation they always let me know (in little ways without confronting me) that if I was gay they didn't care. I didn't come out to them until I was 20... stupid huh? It took me that long to really accept myself.

It's different for everyone. Just concentrate on being yourself, not pretending to be someone you're not just to please others and things should go okay. If you start pretending (dating girls because everyone else is and going out of your way to make people believe you're straight) remember all of them will have a full right to be upset when they find out you're gay because you deceived them.

[Matt23]

Matt, I read your opening post right after you wrote it a few days ago and now I'm glad I didn't reply first. In fact I'm going to wait on replying to threads like yours from now on so that guys like you can get the real good advice from the guys who've already given you theirs.

All I can say is there is no rule book or instructions on coming out. It's all about when you are ready to do it and if you are ready to do it. Don't let anyone push you into it. It's more about when you have accepted yourself than others. Don't forget that.

I slipped up at 13 and said something to my brother that let him know for sure I was gay even before I had any idea I really was attracted to guys in that way. He told my parents and all of them were real supportive of me and from the time I was 13 until I went in the marines after graduation they always let me know (in little ways without confronting me) that if I was gay they didn't care. I didn't come out to them until I was 20... stupid huh? It took me that long to really accept myself.

It's different for everyone. Just concentrate on being yourself, not pretending to be someone you're not just to please others and things should go okay. If you start pretending (dating girls because everyone else is and going out of your way to make people believe you're straight) remember all of them will have a full right to be upset when they find out you're gay because you deceived them.

I'll work on it

[ShiftyNJ]

I can understand the costs of coming out now, but I echo what others said about your girlfriend. I'm .01% less concerned because you implied you are not sexual together, but she's going to be hurt eventually regardless. I would think that she'd be more hurt if she spends the majority of her high school years committed to someone who is in love with someone else, but that's just me.

In the meantime, I know athletes have some unique challenges, so I thought maybe some more links might be good reading for you so you feel less isolated; hope it helps.

http://youcanplayproject.org/
http://outsports.com
https://bradrobertben.wordpress.com/

[Matt23]

I can understand the costs of coming out now, but I echo what others said about your girlfriend. I'm .01% less concerned because you implied you are not sexual together, but she's going to be hurt eventually regardless. I would think that she'd be more hurt if she spends the majority of her high school years committed to someone who is in love with someone else, but that's just me.

In the meantime, I know athletes have some unique challenges, so I thought maybe some more links might be good reading for you so you feel less isolated; hope it helps.

That out sports link has an article about this kid I know from WV. We don't live in the same town but we play against his school sometimes. I heard about it when he came out. I used to think he was really cute but I never talked to him much.

[excalibur77]

OP, come out when you want to. Come out when you can. Don't come out for any other reason other than that. Best of luck to you.