Does real love only exist in dreams?

[BlueStar]

True love, real love... (...)

These words mean nothing to me. You either love someone, or you don't. But for love found in commitment, it is divided and never really perfect. I admit though, I may have had a different perspective over this, but I have changed my views after long thoughts.

[si91mon]

Oh thanx for all the replies.

I started actually this thread in a very busy period. (in the middle of my exams :p)
But I'm almost through them , so I can make some time to react on some replies.

[si91mon]

Thanks Mike for the reply...

Actually I'm working on my life at the moment (being a student). BTW I got my first results of the first exam period and my results were good ...

It's indeed good to work on your life. But I don't do it for other people but for myself. But why can't it be possible to have a relationship when you're in the 'building fase' of your life ? I don't really feel like being alone for an extra 3 years until I get my diploma (I live already 4 years on my own). And then have a relationship with someone because I have a decent job. Actually it makes me angry inside... I hear people often saying in general that they find the carriere of their potential parter important. Actually I don't really care that the other person has a great job. If he can care for himself financially then it's fine for me . I just want to find a nice person where I feel attracted to .

I'm afraid that my low image has to do with the fact that I can't imagine that people find me attractive. Because when I look in the mirror I see a person who is much different from my own ideal... I can't make myself more manly :p. And NO going to the gym doesn't aply for that :p. If I talk about manly I'm talking about genes .
Yes I could do some stuff to feel more 'attractive'. But to be honest, it's a big turn off if it's kinda obvious that someone really spends much time on his looks. Though maybe I can have here and there in a while a new haircut. My hair looks sometimes messy :p.

Pitiful to say but the places where the bear types hang out in Belgium... Are often homophobic, such as the metal scene. Or the nerd/gamer scene, who have the largest vocabulary of gay swears :p. (though I don't care so much anymore about the homophobe tendencies) It's just hard to find someone, when you like men who look totally not gay :p.
And the only bear café where I'm aware of in Belgium is far from my hometown and is full with scene acting gays. Just give me a down to earth manly man .

I guess... the only solution is keeping on working on my own life so I can feel good in my skin. And maybe with some effort I will find someone nice. I'll just need to stay optimistic .

[Cinestry]

But why can't it be possible to have a relationship when you're in the 'building fase' of your life ? I don't really feel like being alone for an extra 3 years until I get my diploma (I live already 4 years on my own). And then have a relationship with someone because I have a decent job.

I'm afraid that my low image has to do with the fact that I can't imagine that people find me attractive. Because when I look in the mirror I see a person who is much different from my own ideal....

These two parts of your comment make it sound to me like you are seeing two types of working on yourself as one and the same thing.
I don't think you can't be in a relationship when you're building on your life and future by going to school and getting a diploma. If you are able to find a balance in school and free time it's all good, right?
Getting a relationship while working on yourself as a person with insecurities and all that is a different thing though. I think that it is important to be confident and comfortable with yourself before sharing your life with someone. So I'd say it is better to not be in a relationship when you are in this 'building phase'

[si91mon]

These two parts of your comment make it sound to me like you are seeing two types of working on yourself as one and the same thing.
I don't think you can't be in a relationship when you're building on your life and future by going to school and getting a diploma. If you are able to find a balance in school and free time it's all good, right?
Getting a relationship while working on yourself as a person with insecurities and all that is a different thing though. I think that it is important to be confident and comfortable with yourself before sharing your life with someone. So I'd say it is better to not be in a relationship when you are in this 'building phase'

Euhmmm not really that's your interpretation . I didn't mention something about working on emotions :p... Does working on your life mean = working on career AND emotions? If you look to the content of my post I hope it's obvious that it was about career (school). And working on myself was related to school :p. But anyhow I'm not an awesome writer and even not writing in my mother tongue. So I wouldn't be surprised that I didn't make my point clear enough . Actually I hope it's now more clear .

Nevertheless... back to the point of your message.
Of course it's not smart to start a relationship when you're an emotional mess. Though everybody works on there emotions, even people twice the age of me. It's something good but if it goes to extreme like you're constantly busy with it. Yes then I totally agree with you that it's not ideal to be in a relationship. Though I wouldn't dump someone if he gets in a difficult time. But for sure I wouldn't start a relationship when being on the edge of depression :/.
Everybody has insecurities but if they are getting too prominent... a no go then...
To reflect this to myself, I don't really have the feeling like I'm very busy with my emotional life. Not in an extreme way, just like the average guy.

[Jerry]

No, but you have to be open about your feelings and live for the moment in order to achieve that thing called love. It´s real, but the position, where both partners are in love in equal way is rare. That´s why many gays prefer to stay single (like me).

So, good hunting

[Cinestry]

But anyhow I'm not an awesome writer and even not writing in my mother tongue. So I wouldn't be surprised that I didn't make my point clear enough . Actually I hope it's now more clear .

It's not my mother tongue either so it might as well have been me misreading it

[NayNay]

Thank you for sharing this with us. First of all, can I say that you seem to be rather logical and have the right frame of mind when it comes to relationships and finding a guy. You only recently came out, you cannot expect for everything to happen all at once. Love is something that takes time to flurioush. Perhaps this is the same thing happening to you and your friend right now as your describing.

It sounds like you know what you want when it comes to love and your not going to sacrifice your values in order to obtain pleasure now. It may be discouraging becaus it might take a while for someone to come along where you do click.

A piece of advice I would have is try not to over generalize every experience that you have. Online profiles are mostly generic and if you would meet them in person you would see a totally different side of them.

My advice would be to try and continue to pursue this friendship with this person your interested in and keep an open mind. Meanwhile, you can always try to meet new people because they always bring a fresh perspective to your thoughts and may even change the way you think

True love does exist, just do not get confused with the love that you see in fairytales and movies. Those are not real love stories, they are just an illusion. True love is when you've been with someone for the long haul. When you've experienced happiness and hardships with them, when you know that they will always be by your side. This cannot happen instantly it is built over time through experiences where you will gain trust for one another. Please keep that in mind when your finding yourself into someone you like. One of my friends described it best to me, in order for love to work, it takes time and effort. There are stages of love and the first stage is not 'true love.' That can only be found at the end of a journey with another person. At least, that is my belief.

[MikeW]

Thanks Mike for the reply....

You're welcome.

Well, you know, it isn't easy to find a relationship even under the best of circumstances. As for finding love now, well, it *could* happen ...

I found this "bearish" kind of guy, does he meet your tastes?



Age: 22
First location: Brussels, Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest, Belgium

[si91mon]

You realized that the relationship was missing something and not going to the next level where the two of you would become sexually intimate in a romantic way. When you reached this point where you realized the relationship was not going in the right direction,,, did you talk with your boyfriend about what was going wrong? and why the relationship was not moving forward? No relationship can survive unless you work out your problems together. Not having this conversation with your boyfriend will leave both of you with unanswered questions and unresolved answers as to what went wrong and how to correct these problems in the future.

Thanks for the reply Jim.
Actually I talked a lot with him about some problems in our relationship. But some topics always ended in a similar way. Both felt exhausted in the end and we didn't come to a solution. One of us both would suffer in some way. It's like we couldn't find some healthy mid way, it was black or white and we couldn't find the grey solution. So it seemed for me better to go back to friendship 'status' so we could enjoy eachother company the fullest without the relationship problems.

Sorry, that I don't go into details. But I want to keep it between me and him .