Advice Plz...

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I assure you he is not going to kill himself.

I know from personal experience that real suicides actually don't take hostages, emotionally or otherwise. He is trying to hold you emotionally hostage with the threat that if you stop talking to him he will kill himself.

I have little doubt you have failed to mention that you are already in a decent relationship and are content with that situation. You often hint of that here in a round about way as most individuals who are in a decent relationship can't help but mention their other half.

So I doubt this is you.

This threat of suicide if you don't comply is hostage taking, its a form of malicious manipulation which given with what little you have said seems to me to make up a goodly part of this guy's character.

You need to tell him that there is no room in your life for extra drama, or him calling your home to make demands.

I would also reevaluate his part of the conversations you had to see if anything else feels 'off'. It is possible that he is manipulating you in other ways and 20/20 hindsight tends to reveal things that we missed the first time around.

There appears to be a rather large group of 'people' on the internet who get this shits and giggles from targeting people who already have issues then proceed to fuck with them for no other reason than they can.

These are called trolls. Trolls attack from all different angles and do really odd things. I think they are psychopaths, sociopaths and other unfit minds.

They manipulate, play games and hold you emotionally hostage until you decide that you are not responsible for their actions and decide to cut them from your life. Or you can hold on and play out this thing until they decide they have enough and they do this horror show to you.

[East]

Thanks Mike,
Yesterday, I sat down with my husband and let him read our correspondence. He agreed that I had given him absolutely NO reason to think I wanted anything more than a pen-pal, nor any reason to think I was in anyway unhappy with my current medical treatment. With my husband's help, we wrote him a polite, but short and direct letter telling him just that.
I can't help but feel as though this guy is experiencing some emotional hurdles in his life. Why else would a grown man act this way? I don't want to be mean or to cause hurt to him (or anyone for that matter). However, I just don't have the energy for this kind of drama.
I will try to write him another, even more direct letter and do as you suggested--I will just straight up tell him that I feel like he is intruding on my boundries.
Thanks again,
~Beaux

Beaux....I love your response to this guy...It is perfect.

I wish I knew what else to tell you but I am not worth a shit with this kind of situation...my mind just starts racing and I kinda freak out a little bit.....I enter into paranoid territory

I had stalkers who I had to take legal action against and also a series of obsessive men who were scary at one time in my life and so it is a PTSD moment anytime I hear about anything similar or even see it on TV....

The only thing I can say...empathy is good but try to scale it back when you are dealing with him. Hopefully your response to him will do the trick but if it doesn't....too much empathy can really make you a prisoner...I know of what I speak....

One more thing...You said that a doctor had given you new hope a while back...has your health situation improved at all lately?

Good Luck ...I think you have handled it perfectly so far

[MikeW]

... a nosey nosey nosey guy.... like it's something I need to account for to anyone.

Country living. Not a hell of a lot going on so everybody else's business is always way more interesting than one's own. Not to mention, everyone needs to be told how to live their own lives because clearly they aren't doing it right! Drove me fucking nuts. The worst thing was, everyone knew who I was -- that is to say, "Ray's boy," or occasionally, "Donald's little brother."

[Lexington]

In addition to telling him he's out of line, feel free to close the door. If you'd like to give him a chance to "re-adjust" to being just penpals again, that's fine, but if he continues to push, you should have no compunction about simply saying "you obviously are expecting something I'm not able to provide, so I'm going to go ahead and end this conversation" - and block him.

Lex

[Beaux]

Beaux, good advice here. I hope this bad experience doesn't sour you on reaching out to others as you have done here. Are you still willing to talk to him if he shapes up?

Of course I would like to remain pen-pals if he can become less intrusive, unfortunately I don't think that is going to happen.
This morning, after we had breakfast and my husband left for work, I sat down and wrote a long (8-10 paragraph) letter explaining that, though I appreciated his concern for me, it was completely unnecessary. I told him that my husband not only cares for me but that he down right spoils me, and what I needed more than anything right now is simply rest and peice of mind--neither of which could occur with him calling my home and plastering my facebook page with messages about how wonderful, beautiful, and charismatic I am. I also told him that, from my husband's point of view, his messages were insulting because they implied that he wasn't taking care of me.

His very next message to me said that he wished he was here so that he could "massage away my pain"......
I really think it is best if I just block him, but I am going to wait until my husband gets home from work, let him read these most recent posts and message, and get his input first.
~Beaux

[East]

Of course I would like to remain pen-pals if he can become less intrusive, unfortunately I don't think that is going to happen.
This morning, after we had breakfast and my husband left for work, I sat down and wrote a long (8-10 paragraph) letter explaining that, though I appreciated his concern for me, it was completely unnecessary. I told him that my husband not only cares for me but that he down right spoils me, and what I needed more than anything right now is simply rest and peice of mind--neither of which could occur with him calling my home and plastering my facebook page with messages about how wonderful, beautiful, and charismatic I am. I also told him that, from my husband's point of view, his messages were insulting because they implied that he wasn't taking care of me.

His very next message to me said that he wished he was here so that he could "massage away my pain"......

I really think it is best if I just block him, but I am going to wait until my husband gets home from work, let him read these most recent posts and message, and get his input first.
~Beaux

Ewwwwww...definite red flag there. I can't quite
explain why...but I am sure of it.

Blocking him might be the best solution...

[Beaux]

One more thing...You said that a doctor had given you new hope a while back...has your health situation improved at all lately?

Good Luck ...I think you have handled it perfectly so far

Hiya East! I have been hoping to post on my improved health for a while, I know I caused some concern when I opened up about it and feel obligated to let everyone here know as soon as I found out anything concrete, unfortunately that just hasn't materilized yet.

The Endrochronologist was mistaken in her assessment of Adrenal Failure, but they are now leaning towards believing that I may be suffering from a form of Chrones' Disease. That would make sense, since I do seem to present with some form of nutrient malabsorbtion AND since my mother suffers from Chrones' Disease.

Unfortunalty, last month I suffered a series of minor strokes, so now I am seeing a Neurologist as well.....

On the upside, when I was in my early 20s, I suffered nerve damage in my jaw after dental surgery which left one side of my smile lower than the other (resulting in a "crooked" smile), but after the stroke the other side of my smile kinda "sagged" a little and now my smile is "even" again! LOL Count your blessings, right? :-D
Xoxo
~Beaux

[meridannight]

you know he's too clingy, right? he's only been in written communication with you, and already he thinks he loves you? i assume he knows you have a partner? and still he pulls a stunt like that. and he acts like he has a say in your life. big warning sign there.

that's a recipe for disaster. i only have this advice for you, Beaux: steer clear of that guy. anybody who gets too ''involved'' over the internet or letters is a bit off. calling your house in panic like that was not acceptable.

he may have been deprived of human contact for a long time for him to react this intensely to a simple written communication. or maybe this is what his character is like. in either case, what he wants from you and what you want from him do not match. he wants more, and you can't give it to him. cut him loose. that's the best thing you can do for yourself and him.

[East]

Oh man...I was hoping that the endochronologist was right...I was feeling how frustrated you were.

So...with the Chrones...is it hereditary? if so...is there treatment for it? I have heard the name a lot but am not familiar with the disease. How can they tell for sure? Are there tests?

I am so sorry to hear about the strokes...do you have any idea what might have contributed to/caused them? Were you aware when they were happening? I read that a lot of times people don't know when they are having a stroke.

I hope the neurologist can figure it out for you quickly...

I am sorry you are going through this Beaux ((()))

[Bhp91126]

Hi Beaux, this a..hole is just playing with you. The sooner you sever all ties to him the better for you. Block him, delete him, erase him wherever you can. He will move on to his next willing victim.