"Don't go to hell!"

[East]

Sounds to me like you were already *in* hell today...

[chibigiraffe]

Why are you still living at home?

Even setting all of the stated issues aside, it is hard to believe that a 22-year-old guy could be comfortable living at home and not being able to express his own personality, whatever it may be.

well, i'm poor and its sort of a long story, here it goes...

i always knew that being a veterinarian was my dream job. i love animals so much. but i was a hardcore christian and didn't know if that was the path god? wanted for me. so i prayed. and prayed. and prayed and of course, no answers so i had to make a choice so in highschool i thought that nc state was the best choice for me. i'm pretty smart (i guess...) so getting in to nc state wasn't hard, the only school i applied to. i got in but didn't declare a major right away. i didn't know exactly how to make my dreams come true. i thought about zoology, and then animal science, then natural resources where i might me able to work with forest wildlife or something. so i wasted a lot of credits of electives and useless classes. i also learned that chemistry (no matter how much i love science) wasn't my strong suit at all. i failed chemistry 101 and chem 201 and had to retake them both. i even failed biology 101. but i excelled in my math classes (precalc, and calc I & II). so i had to rethink my plans but didnt get the chance too because before i knew it i was academically expelled (after already being academically suspended the semester before).

all the while my grades were falling, i was also extremely depressed. i was calling on god? to help me and no help came. i was struggling against my homosexual nature and i wasn't really making friends. my life was not panning out the way i always just assumed they would because i was always taught that god? would make everything alright...

so i was forced to go back home after two years of wasting away at nc state. i enrolled in a community college to try to rethink my career path. i tried writing, art, accounting and even the "working w/ animals" path again but none of them really worked out. i then was led on to engineering and i really liked the idea of it. i started taking classes to get me on the right path to go back to nc state for computer engineering but i messed up so bad and it took me so long to figure out what i wanted to do that it was too late.

after wasting another two years at the comm college, i'm now looking at other schools. i trying to figure out what i need to do but this task just seems too daunting right now. not only am i in the process of coming out to all the people i know, i also had a huge makeover in my "faith" stance, and i can't find a job to save my life...

so that's why...

[ShiftyNJ]

I'd also been fortunate enough to watch the church I was about to baptized in at age 12, burn to the ground in a total conflagration right in front of my eyes -- but that's a whole other story.

[Pix]

I could share even "better" horror stories (both Baptist), though one anti-gay sermon was actually intended for my bisexual partner to get her to give me up, but when my partner wouldn't take her daughter (who had been invited by the preacher's daughter) I took her instead.

Twice in a row (the first time had nothing to do with homosexuality but it was still too much drama and BS). I will never, ever step foot inside another Baptist church. Not unless they display a rainbow flag and other signs that they're radically different from what I experienced.

And then there was what happened when I visited my family back in November...I practically came out of the closet to them (who live over a thousand miles from me) then though my cousin (who along with my Granny knows I'm a lesbian) said there was enough snark in my voice to be inconclusive (but also that most everyone pretty much assumes I am anyway, though as long as I don't come outright to say it they'll not bring it up themselves, save for what happened last November...)


But I did want to ask about this, should you be able to answer:

some weird lady went on a tangent rant (like she always does when she opens her mouth) she started talking about how she had to take some test for her job and how it was asking questions like "what consists of a family? A: man and women married B: unmarried man and woman living together C: two women and D: two men. she was taught that the answer was all four but she didn't like that answer and knowing wrote out the wrong answer. she was so proud of herself denying the right of other people to qualify as a family "under god" in her eyes even though she ended up failing the test because of it.

So what job would she apply for in your area would ask a question like that, one that could potentially get them boycotted? (And most companies just look up your Facebook page anyway to see what kind of person you are, some even demanding access if you deny to be considered for employment.) And how did she know that one question got her barred from further consideration? Surely she said, assuming she was actually telling the truth.

Frankly, I assume no such thing. If I heard her say that I'd have immediately said, "Exodus 20:16. Read it. Then live it." (For those who don't know, it's the commandment against bearing false witness, part of the Ten Commandments.)


ETA: I just looked it up to make sure I had the right verse (I've said it enough times to think I had it right, but maybe I was wrong, and I did have the right one) and found an even better one! "Revelations 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death. " You could share that and say you'll save her a seat next to you.

[Virge]

I was in a GREAT mood until I read this thread....... so here goes.....

FIRST
Boy you missed a prime opportunity to cut that B***h down to size when she told everyone she had to take a test for a job about what determines a family.
THAT WAS A COMPLETE LIE. In fact it was worse than a lie because it's untrue on two levels. The first is that it is totally illegal for an employer to ask questions like that... (here comes the second part) .... except if they are a damned church that is utilizing the new idea of "positive discrimination." (invented by the Discovery Institute who invented the great hoax called Intelligent design) Positive Discrimination has been upheld in some courts and gives churches and faith based businesses the right to discriminate on the basis of religion when hiring or even in other things. There's a mega church in Alabama that bought up an apartment complex near to it and is allowed to discriminate on the basis of religion when leasing apartments.

Had the Cupid Stunt really taken that test she could have been applying for a job ONLY in a faith based business in which case the only correct answer would have been A: man and women married

I wish I'd been there. I'd have yelled her down and mocked the crap out of her for lying for Jesus and then if she really pissed me off I'd have tied her tits in a square knot behind her head.

Second.....
I caught that you came out to your EX pastor and then heard a sermon from your pastor... implying they are two separate people and that the EX Pastor broke your confidence and ran his mouth to the current pastor.
You were victimized by the worst behavior that a supposed "men of god" could be capable of. Get yourself as far from that as you possibly can and don't feel bad about it. In fact you ought to feel proud for standing up for yourself. With no idea where you live and the churches in your area I can still assure you there are others where you would be welcome as gay and as an atheist. ( I have a funny story about that I may share if this isn't too long. )
Metropolitian Community Church = the largest worldwide gay denomination and is throughout the US, Australia, New Zealand, Brazil, UK, and many countries in Europe.
Unitarians are 100% inclusive and you'll find people of all faiths other than Chrisitanity involved with them.
American Catholic Church (not Roman CC) is 100% inclusive of gays and full of refugees from other churches who have experienced the types of things you are going through with your church.
There are also many organizations of atheists/agnostics all over the USA and can be found on the internet pretty easily. Our local group calls themselves "Free Thinkers" and meets on Sunday afternoons for discussions and various speakers -- and always have tons of food and sometimes great entertainment.

Third
About your education, career plans and future. Guess what? There's no danged timeline on deciding that and there's no sense beating yourself up over it. Sometimes the career plans we dream out for ourselves will come in direct conflict with other aspects of our lives as they develop. If you happen to meet up with 'the man of your dreams' all your career plans may conflict with the relationship. That means you'll either have to give up one for the sake of the other OR change career plans in order to keep the relationship.

I know this from personal experience. I planned on a career in Geology/Mining that would have meant I'd most likely have been traveling the globe and never settling down for more than a few years.... Then came my man... It took a couple of years to figure things out, I'm still working on my degree but I'll most likely never do anything with it. I changed directions (while still in school) opened a Bed and Breakfast and ventured into other businesses so that I'm really not working for anyone but myself and already making more than I ever could in a career in my field.

My suggestion is to forget school for a while and get into a job for awhile and continue to look for another one. As for your desire to work with animals -- there are careers in that and you can actually make a living at it without a degree. Because of my lifelong love of dogs and cats I was suckered into taking in "unadoptable" dogs from our local small shelter and teaching them manners and tricks to help them get homes. I've been doing it now for three years, love it and IF I had the time could turn it into a full time career... Instead I do it just for the fun and the satisfaction of helping good dogs find good homes....

If you ever need a cheerleader to help you out... just PM me.

Virge.

[Rareboy]

Virge got there first.

I see a real problem here with you allowing yourself to be defined by others, including parents and pastors and Sunday School teachers.

Time for you to grow up and take more responsibility for your entire life.

Going to church as an aetheist isn't respectful of your parents; it is a compromise of your principles.
To be blunt...I think you like the conflict and drama...at this point, I believe that you want to feel the injustice of your struggle with intolerance.

You could make a much stronger statement by quitting church and going out to volunteer at a food bank or shelter on Sunday mornings.

At 22, you need to get beyond the notion of wasting time at school...particularly if you are doing it on someone else's dime. I get that some students fail because they are out of their depth and depressed, but your career path planning just sounds sloppy. Instead of just wasting time and credits, you should have researched exactly what you would require to be a veterinarian and buckled down. Anyone could have told you that chemistry and biology would be savage, but honestly...you should have done all the hard work to figure this out yourself.

Having said this...it is up to you to do all the work to buckle down and plan out a career path that either does or does not rely on post-secondary education and to get on with it. And to stick with it and give it 100% of you attention and passion.

Instead of wasting your life fretting about frontal assaults from your parents' church or pastor...put you energy and your brains into creating a life that is rich and fulfilling.

[Cuddly]

They really believe these things. You want acceptance and there's a chance that they won't give it to you. But you can do what's right and accept their lack of acceptance, based on their beliefs.

You are not in the wrong, but you are in the wrong place. I would like to think, that if i were in your place, I would have the balls to give my dad the acceptance speech.

[LJay]

Thre is nothing wrong with searching out your own path on your own schedule. What seems to be lacking for you is a strong center. One of the sad things about churches, some more than others, is that they tend to guide people into thinking that they are powerless. I think that your situation is somewhat due to that influence and that you should find help to establish your own self confidence. Getting a job, supporting yourself and moving out on your own will help. It is indeed a struggle for allof us, but in doing so you will find that you have a new outlook and new opportunities. Lots of hard work involved, but lots of reward also.

Another way of putting it is that you should move from the mindset of "You can't because God forbids." to "You can because God empowers."

PS: I realize that you have declared yourself to be atheistic, but dealing with the negative influence of a restrictive religious background is not necessarily that simple. You will propbably still find resonance in religious phrasing and that I why I added that last paragraph.

[Borg69]

Maybe college isn't for you... there's no shame in that. Go to a trade school. You said you're strong in math - become an electrician. A Plumber. An accountant. If you like animals and can't get through the biology/chemistry volunteer at various animal shelters. There's a LOT you can do to help animals without operating on them.

But please DON'T just sit around waiting for signs from god to show you the right path to take. Work with your strengths and around your weaknesses.

[Nanaki]

Feeling guilty and beating yourself up over the things that happened with school and the people at church is a very easy trap to fall into. But please, really do try not to let things keep you down for long. Instead, square your shoulders, keep your chin up, and pursue the life you want with renewed vigor. It is within your reach.

It probably goes without saying, but I would definitely NOT return to that church if at all possible. I can only imagine the sense of humiliation and betrayal you feel. Personally, if it were me and my father did that, I don't know that I could ever forgive him.

It's perfectly okay to put school on hold until you feel more focused about a field of study. Plus, with school being so expensive nowadays, it will only add to your troubles exponentially if you accumulate massive student loan debt that you'll be stuck with forever without getting that degree and good-paying job.

I think things will start to improve for you once you find a job, most any job, that pays enough for you to find your own place or, possibly, get one with a gay or gay-friendly roommate. Independence can be a very scary thing, but it can also be very empowering. It's so hard to assert yourself when you're under your parents' roof and thumb.

Are there friends from your childhood or high school days that you might want to reconnect with? Everybody's on Facebook these days. It can feel scary and awkward to reach out to them, but the possible reward of renewed friendship is worth the risk of rejection. You'll also meet new people at work - maybe a lifelong friend or even a boyfriend.

Visualize the life you want - and use that vision to keep you motivated as you survive this difficult time. You deserve to be happy! Things might be rough for awhile, but persistence really does pay off. And please do keep us posted as to how things are going!