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Coming out when in university.
#1
I kinda need some advice as to whether or not this is a good idea or not. I've put off coming out right now due to the implications school wise. It pretty much comes to do people actually become more accepting in a more 'educated' and mature place?
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#2
I'm at university now and as far as I've seen everyone is very accepting towards pretty much everything. I haven't heard any nasty comments about anything ever since I got here.
Are you going to a university on your own or are friends from your old school going to the same place?
I went on my own, so everyone I met was new to me and I decided to just be open about it, it seemed to be the easiest thing as I didn't have to make a big deal out of it. They didn't know I'd never told anyone before anyway Wink
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#3
I came out my first year at my university. That was in 1984 so it was a very different time. I would hope if I had it to do today that I would be able to come out in high school, although I went to a small, small town school and so I am still not sure if that would be possible. I think for many of us gay men, our 20-something dating lives are immature and high school-ish because most of us did not have the practice of dating in high school. Our learning experience in dating begins later in life than it does for most. I would like to think we are changing that so we can begin our adulthood with more responsibility when it comes to dating and that is one of the reasons I wish I could have come out in high school.

We choose who our friends are the people we hang out with, although when all of your classmates are all contained with the walls of one building that is not the way it seems. If you are like most people, when you get to university, you will find a much larger community. If you meet people that are not accepting of the person you are, you can always leave them behind and seek the people. That is how it worked for me. My freshman year was a time of searching and meeting people. By my sophomore year I had found a place of comfort and a place where I fit.

Only you can know the atmosphere of your school to know if it is safe. I always encourage everyone to live openly, with two major exceptions- if it would compromise your safety in school or anyplace you are at in your life, or if it would make you homeless if your parents found out. If either of both of those is the case, then wait until you've changed your surroundings.
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#4
Yes you should. Personally I would rather tell everyone than have itcome out in an ugly way with rumours and gossip. If I know my sexuality earlier I would've come out in high school. It's tougher as you get older. Do what you thinks right for you but that's my advice. All the best
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#5
I most likely will do it then, I'll know nobody there anyway since like no one I know at school is going to that university, one person has applied to it, but they're nice anyway. I probably won't make a big deal out of it, if anyone was to mention why I have no gf or looking at some guys butt I'll just tell them. The reason I wouldn't do it just now is because almost everyone at my school uses gay slurs and pretty much are just homophobic in general, my parents do know however.

I see that was just me rambling, oops.
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#6
Seems like a good idea to me. Especially if the people you'll still have contact with (like your parents) already know.
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#7
WeirdScot Wrote:I most likely will do it then, I'll know nobody there anyway since like no one I know at school is going to that university, one person has applied to it, but they're nice anyway. I probably won't make a big deal out of it, if anyone was to mention why I have no gf or looking at some guys butt I'll just tell them. The reason I wouldn't do it just now is because almost everyone at my school uses gay slurs and pretty much are just homophobic in general, my parents do know however.

I see that was just me rambling, oops.

People who use homophobic slurs aren't necesarily homophobic. It's just "cool" to say "you're a faggot" and "that's so gay".
Most of them don't mean it "that way".
I lecture everybody who does it in my earshot. There's nothing wrong with being gay, which is why the "that's so gay" is weird. And since I consider faggot to be simply offensive, that one is easy.

Rambling.

What I mean to say is, they (probably) don't mean to hurt you or any other homosexuals. They're just saying it, because they can't come up with anything better.
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#8
Even we use 'That is soooooooo gay'.

But yes. come out come out wherever you are.....it is no fun hiding. In university, the vast majority of people won't care and the ones who do will either become your tight friends or they will simply avoid you...which means that you won't be wasting your time trying to be someone you're not in order to hang around others who you don't really have any reason to like.
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#9
Rareboy Wrote:Even we use 'That is soooooooo gay'.

Sometimes, but in a different way than I meant to quote originally.

'That's so gay' is (too) often used derogatively.
Like a dad painting his daughter's nails or brushing her hair.
On the other hand, there's that awful pink sweater with the yellow flowers on it that your (hypothetical) sister wears at christmas.... That sweater would be gay, if it had a sexuality. I'm sure of it.
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#10
Cuddly Wrote:People who use homophobic slurs aren't necesarily homophobic. It's just "cool" to say "you're a faggot" and "that's so gay".
Most of them don't mean it "that way".
.

Honestly I've found that people around here are pretty staunchly against it. I don't know, it's just that I really can't tell anymore.
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