Gay Marriage

[Iceblink]

The main thing this battle for gay rights and for marriage equality has been about is to end the moral judgments of others having control of how we live our lives, so why would you be doing the same thing to other gay men? Why should they have to live to your personal feelings about what a marriage or relationship should be? As has already been said, if the couple agrees to to have an open relationship or to invite another person into their sex life, it is not cheating. Cheating is when the agreement they have between the two of them has been violated by one of those in the relationship. If a couple asks you to join them or if a person in an open relationship hits on you, all you have to do is turn them down if it is something you are not into. Nothing more than that needs to be done, but to storm out of the bar, throwing a hissy because someone is not doing in their relationship what you think they should, who does that? After you turn them down, what business of yours is the agreements they have in their relationship? They have to live their lives, not you. And when you say, "I feel these 2 examples are what give homosexuals a bad name," the problem is not these gay men living their life as they see fit, the people with the problem are the ones who have decided that others should live their lives according to our personal standards, the same kind of judgment people make about us being attracted to people of the same gender. Sorry to be a little harsh, but this kind of judgment you are making about the relationship of others is the same kind of judgment inflicted on us by homophobic bigots. I am not a part of this battle for equality with the expectation that everyone must fall in line with my ideals and values of what makes a marriage or relationship, because that is not freedom.

[meridannight]

feel these 2 examples are what give homosexuals a bad name. It just baffles my mind that some men are just throwing away something we've been fighting for decades to achieve. What is the point of having gay marriage if this is what it's going to be used for?

i don't think there's anything wrong with it. two guys who are married or in a monogamous relationship looking for a third party for sex doesn't give homosexuality or homosexual marriage a bad name. it's their business. you can be married/committed and still want to experience some other guy(s) sometimes. if both parties in the relationship want it and/or are okay with, there's nothing wrong with that.

i'm not sure how prevalent this is but i've heard of/come across plenty of couples who do this myself.

the point of gay marriage is that gay men are no different than heterosexual men when it comes to legal rights and freedom, and thus shouldn't be treated different by any relevant institutions. success of marriage itself, its healthiness, is dependent on the two individuals engaged in it. personal standards involving sex, employment, finances, assets, etc, are up for the two in that marriage to decide about, not for outside parties.

[SilentFilm1988]

I wanted to apologize for my post, I didn't mean for it to be taken the way it was, and I didn't mean to anger anybody. I wanted to elaborate a little more on the story with me and the gay married couple in the bar. They were in there late 30s early 40s and I personally wasn't attracted to either of them. So not only was the one guy hitting on me verbally but he was also gropeing me which I didn't appreacate, I may be the biggest prude, but I don't like just any guy just grabbing me like he did, so I felt uncomfortable and that's why I just walked out of the bar because I wanted to get away from him thinking if I stayed at the bar he'd find me later and do it again. So really it wasn't so much they were a couple that made me leave which my original post indicated it was just feeling uncomfortable. But say I had found the guy attractive, I would have been slightly flattered but still would have said "look you're a nice looking guy, but that's not for me" or something like that.

[Vizor]

To have opportunity to marry it it is fine. Very large number of people have no such opportunity. And will never be. I envy people who could reach the equal rights. I want to believe that I will be able to tell "yes".

[Beaux]

I wanted to apologize for my post, I didn't mean for it to be taken the way it was, and I didn't mean to anger anybody. I wanted to elaborate a little more on the story with me and the gay married couple in the bar. They were in there late 30s early 40s and I personally wasn't attracted to either of them. So not only was the one guy hitting on me verbally but he was also gropeing me which I didn't appreacate, I may be the biggest prude, but I don't like just any guy just grabbing me like he did, so I felt uncomfortable and that's why I just walked out of the bar because I wanted to get away from him thinking if I stayed at the bar he'd find me later and do it again. So really it wasn't so much they were a couple that made me leave which my original post indicated it was just feeling uncomfortable. But say I had found the guy attractive, I would have been slightly flattered but still would have said "look you're a nice looking guy, but that's not for me" or something like that.

I may be wrong, but I think you are totally missing what made your post offensive to so many people here. I cannot speak for anyone but myself though, so here is my take on what you said:

Firstly, I am married to my husband and one of the conditions of our marriage was that we are monogamous. I AM one of those old fashioned prudes who would NEVER be part of an open marriage, HOWEVER, just because some gay couples (and a LOT of Hetro couples) choose to engage in open marriages or swinging, that has NOTHING to do with MY marriage. If it makes them happy, more power to them! Why? Because what others do in THEIR marriages is none of MY business! IT ISNT ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS EITHER!
Personally, I think people who choose to wait until they are married to have sex are IDIOTS, but (again) it is their life and they have the right to live it as they see fit without being attacked for it.
~Beaux

[MikeW]

How is it I miss some of these threads entirely?

Basically, what [MENTION=13210]Beaux[/MENTION] said. I've been in both a monogamous and an open relationship. They were both great and, like all relationships, at times both difficult. But basically it all boils down to people being honest with themselves and one another about what they really want -- and whether or not those two points of view "fit" together.

[Camfer]

I personally wasn't attracted to either of them. So not only was the one guy hitting on me verbally but he was also gropeing me which I didn't appreacate

Yeah, it's a drag when someone touches you without your consent. Learn to set your boundaries clearly and forcefully. Tell him no and push him or his hand away. If a guy can't keep his hands off you, get *him* thrown out of the bar. You have every right to be there and not be groped.