Unsure of his feelings

[metalmikey]

Hi All. This may be a little long winded, but I will try make it as short as possible with the main points. I really need advice, as I am unsure how to pursue matters with this guy I like.

Basically, January 2014 I randomly added a guy on Facebook who was a mutual with a friend I have known of 7 years. We chatted on and off, at periods more so than others. I had a feeling he could be bi, so I did flirt online with him. Bear in mind we had never met. At times he would be responsive, and other times he would say he was straight. Then he'd say he could be bicurious. One time he sent me some naked pictures. We have also sent sexual messages, which he seemed to enjoy.

Bringing us up to date though... We eventually met, early last month February 2015. We had a great night out and I felt such a connection. He was very generous buying me drinks and such, even though I refused, he insisted. When that night came to an end, we did go somewhere quiet and I was thinking, ought I try kiss him, but didn't. All in all a good night though.

The next 2 weeks he was away working. Until last weekend I seen him on Friday and we had another great night out. At first we were with our mutual friend until he went home. When the bar closed we had been at, he asked if I wanted to go for a walk with him, so we did. He took me somewhere real quiet on the outskirts of the city, besides a canal, in a little den of his amongst some trees. It was oddly comfortable. He said it was his place he went to think. So we sat there and he went real quiet. I asked if he was OK. He replied saying he was scared. I told him he ought not be scared amongst me. Next second he was on top of me holding me tight, and we had our first kiss. He also gave me oral. We lay there a while cuddling, holding eachothers hand and slept a while.

When we got up and were walking to the train station, he told me not to tell our mutual friend. Of course I agreed. No one knows hes into guys (if he is or not :/)

I also seen him the next day amongst our mutual friend so nothing really happened.

This last week, seems to be the issue though. My head says give him some space. So I have not messaged him everyday. Messaged him a few times over the week and he has been very distant. Rarely getting back to me. We have not mentioned our night together at all. I am wondering if hes thinking it was a mistake and not mention it. He has been aware Ive liked him some time though. He isn't home this weekend, but still I cannot thinking about him. I am just unsure what to do now. Whether to leave him to process it or what. Opinions appreciated!

[mvoco]

You need to mention what happened, more than mention really but sounds like maybe it's baby steps with this guy. If this is a first for him then he is probably nervous, unsure, maybe a feeling a bit guilty, so you you might have to take the lead. Don't leave it any longer without talking about it though otherwise it will turn into a much bigger thing, and he might be thinking that you regret it and don't want to talk about it!

[Lexington]

None of this sound unusual in the slightest. He thinks he might be bisexual. He's going back and forth between "I want to do sexual things (with this guy)" and "no, wait, forget it, I don't want to do this." You're doing everything right - letting him move along at his own pace, and not pushing him to do anything.

I'd say the smart thing is to tell him "If you want to mess around some more, I'm open to doing that. But if you'd rather not, that's fine, too." That lets him know the pressure's off.

The thing is, of course, you have wants and needs too. You'd like a relationship, or at least more sex. I certainly wouldn't put your love life on hold waiting for this guy to decide.

Lex

[MikeW]

[MENTION=22542]metalmikey[/MENTION] , what [MENTION=21778]Lexington[/MENTION] said. Exactly.

[Borg69]

I'm guessing it was special for you, but for him it was an opportunistic chance to get off.

[Lexington]

I'm guessing it was special for you, but for him it was an opportunistic chance to get off.

You act like the two are mutually exclusive.

Lex

[TwisttheLeaf]

I'm a little blunt and have been told many times that I not only lack tact but can be a bit socially awkward in my interactions. That said? How I would handle this situation is probably to hit on him by sending a text along the lines of "Hey man, I had a good time the other night. How would you feel about a repeat sometime?"

Then again, I function under the theory that the worst that can happen is someone says no, and no doesn't usually bother me overly much as long as it's not Gideon doing the No-ing.

[metalmikey]

Thanks for your views guys. He's still been pretty quiet and working away. I will be contacting him soon though and see if hes up for meeting when he is home. Will keep you posted!

[Borg69]

He's probably just looking for a fwb thing that's casual and on the down low. If you start acting clingy/needy you'll scare him off.

[Lexington]

Saying "I had a great time. Would love to do it again sometime if you're interested" isn't clingy, though. It's simply explaining where you stand, and offering an open invitation for something more to happen.

Lex