So just a little update. Not good news sadly. I heard off him, I asked if he was out this weekend, and I guess he felt ready to talk about the situation. He said that I shouldn't get attached to him, and he will see me if he's around. He then went on to say he is evil, and straight and that he felt cruel leading me on in a direction that can never be. I asked if he never enjoyed cuddling/kissing me and... He said it wasn't his cup of tea. We are going to remain friends. My heads a little messed though, I wish he had said sooner.
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metalmikey Wrote:… My heads a little messed though, I wish he had said sooner. Yeah. Sorry to hear that. I swear, some straight boys don't understand what they're doing to gay ones. I duno whether they think its funny or they like the attention or what but it is truly irritating.
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MikeW Wrote:Yeah. Sorry to hear that. I swear, some straight boys don't understand what they're doing to gay ones. I duno whether they think its funny or they like the attention or what but it is truly irritating.
Like Mike I'm sorry to hear that. There seems to be a spate of straight gays "trying out the whole gay thing" (actual quote from a guy who hooked up with a friend of mine recently and then the following day said he was straight.
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He will be back, if you are patient. Make sure that when you do see him, that he sees what a great time you are having at life (fake it if you have to and are able), flirt with other people in front of him (but don't get with anyone else--at least that he knows about), and pretend that you could care less that you ever hooked up with him. Trust me, he'll be back.
~Beaux
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metalmikey Wrote:So just a little update. Not good news sadly. I heard off him, I asked if he was out this weekend, and I guess he felt ready to talk about the situation. He said that I shouldn't get attached to him, and he will see me if he's around. He then went on to say he is evil, and straight and that he felt cruel leading me on in a direction that can never be. I asked if he never enjoyed cuddling/kissing me and... He said it wasn't his cup of tea. We are going to remain friends. My heads a little messed though, I wish he had said sooner.
This is pretty typical of guys in denial. He'll say this until his urges builds up and He gets his next guy-fix one nighter and then the self abuse, denial, and claims of being straight and "evil" come out again. These types are often alcoholics. It's easier to blame the alcohol for moments of "weakness".
He's broken, and you can't fix him.
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drop him. guys in denial are unhealthy for everyone involved, including themselves.
what's worse is not only are they in denial, they usually also wish they felt no attraction for men. i don't know about you, but it's not appealing to me to be with a guy who will go home and end up beating himself up for having had sex with me and dealing with all that regret. he has to either figure his shit out or take a hike. this is one thing i make no exceptions on.
''Do I look civilized to you?''
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metalmikey Wrote:So just a little update. Not good news sadly. I heard off him, I asked if he was out this weekend, and I guess he felt ready to talk about the situation. He said that I shouldn't get attached to him, and he will see me if he's around. He then went on to say he is evil, and straight and that he felt cruel leading me on in a direction that can never be. I asked if he never enjoyed cuddling/kissing me and... He said it wasn't his cup of tea. We are going to remain friends. My heads a little messed though, I wish he had said sooner.
Well, then, you've gained a friend (not a wholly trustworthy one, maybe) and he's had his little experience (not his thing, he can now cross it off his list), but you know that you can move on. Not everything is lost. Chalk it up to experience, and since the memory seems to be a good one for you, just put it in the "good memories" box. Hoping this story never gets out and never gets ugly for either of you, you can concentrate on moving to a more meaningful and more stable relationship. Even dating in the straight world is a lot of tentative, unsure, experimental kissing, groping, fondling, and full-blown sex before you set your heart more definitely (and your sense of attachment) on someone steady. Good luck, [MENTION=22542]metalmikey[/MENTION], on making those next steps towards love.
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Borg69 Wrote:This is pretty typical of guys in denial. He'll say this until his urges builds up and He gets his next guy-fix one nighter and then the self abuse, denial, and claims of being straight and "evil" come out again. These types are often alcoholics. It's easier to blame the alcohol for moments of "weakness".
He's broken, and you can't fix him. @ Borg69, maybe this is true of certain types, but it seems to me that this pair is pretty young still, maybe they are just experimenting, the way we did (or should have done) when we were teenagers (I know I didn't experiment till in my twenties, so...) so, let's not be too negative.
@ metalmikey, having had satisfying but un-repeated and maybe un-repeatable sex doesn't mean that the connection you felt with this person is no longer there. I think the fact that he indulged himself and you in that particular context may be causing him some fear and some reassessment. Maybe he's processing it, and he doesn't know what to think. It may have upset his whole world, which is why we all (mostly all of us) have such a hard time "coming out", or put so much pressure on ourselves to "come out". Maybe he's just discovered something, maybe he IS straight after all, maybe he's BI but not ready to deal with even that... so giving him time sounds like it's right. Hang out with him if you still feel comfortable with it, otherwise, let him go for good.
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Thanks for all your replies and feedback guys. I've been processing it. It's pretty hard just to switch my feelings off for him. If only there was a button huh? I'm unsure to go with my heart and continue liking him, though that may be the unhealthy route. Or the logical way and just distance from him. I don't believe he is straight, probably just deeply in denial. And who knows how long he will be telling himself he is straight. I just feel like this is a waste of a real connection I felt with him and I am sure he felt it too.
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A little update on this story. Still been seeing this guy, and more than often things keep happening. We just spent the weekend together mountain climbing. I was with him Friday night and he said fancy going mountain climbing? So Saturday morning we were at Mount Helvellyn. A pretty hard climb, but was great spending more time with him. After we reached the top, we descended a little and we pitched down a tent. Nothing for miles. Spent the night just hugging/kissing/sex... I learnt he is a catholic, from a strict catholic family. So I think this is maybe why he does things then claim to be straight. But he can hardly say this when it keeps happening time and time again!
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