Unsure of his feelings

[Camfer]

Sounds like a great adventure! Don't get too attached while he's figuring things out. Hooray for guilty pleasures!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

bible abuse is the number one culprit when it comes to 'straight' guys staying 'straight' while doing gay things. That and family pressure - and of course a lot of these guys only have the hate messages and stereotypes of what gay is and what it means - thus they cannot reconcile their 'straight acting' self as being gay.

Mountain climbing isn't known as a gay sport I bet he has a lot of other hobbies and habits that make him 'typically male' which further confuses the issue of what he thinks he is sexually.

I was fortunate at a young age to have several 'straight acting' gay role models who demonstrated to me that I didn't have to prance, flounce, lisp and other things to be gay. I was also taught that I didn't have to be promiscuous or many other things that 'gay' is associated with.

I would suggest to you to have him 'pal around' with other gay couples. No they don't need to know he is gay or that you two are partners or having sex - but it may help him reconcile his sexuality if he sees two guys in a loving relationship not being all drama queenish and stereotypically gay.

I also suspect that he ain't going to come out to his family no time soon. A lot of mainstream catholic families frown on gay seriously. While in recent years the Popes have attempted to calm down the angst, the reality is that the Vatican is no where near ready to drop 2000 years of strict anti-gay policy. Over the coming decades they will soften their stance and slowly redirect the church toward acceptance.

There are individual parishes which are catholic and LGBT affirming: http://www.gaychurch.org/find_a_church/ is the place to look. Perhaps you can find a local Catholic Church that is gay affirming and he can talk to the father/priest of that parish and get a better idea of what gay is in relationship to the Church Doctrine and the interpretations of the bible.

Look,the reality is that this will be a conflict for him for a long time. However if he has feelings for you he most likely will try to hurdle some of the coming out process with you - once he knows that he can take his time and his parents don't have to find out immediately.

[metalmikey]

Thanks [MENTION=12444]Bowyn Aerrow[/MENTION] for that reply

He is a very outdoors guy, from mountain climbing to canoeing and what not haha. I really enjoyed our weekend and he made me feel real safe.

I met a friend of his last Friday who is also Catholic. Spoke to him since meeting. Backs a lot of things up with things from the bible... Just not me like, I am agnostic.

The guy in question though has only told me he is catholic, and his family are.

In the past hes suggested going a gay pub, so perhaps I may do that with him soon, so we can be among other gay people.

At the end of the day I am moving at his pace, and not forcing him into anything. I think his friends would be cool with it, as I know most and they know I am gay. His family are another question though.

[JohnSomebody]

I recall having a similar situation to the one that is mentioned here. This guy was extremely handsome and all the females in the neighborhood were crazy about him and some gay guys as well. His family had a restaurant in the community that was pretty popular. I became friends with his sister which evolved in my having a relationship with his father. This guy came off like an abrasive asshole initially and I pretty much kept my distance from him at all costs. Until one day...I was on my way to church and this car drove by and the guy was yelling my name out from the traffic light. I looked up and it him...this startled me to say the least. He complimented me on my suit and told me I looked really handsome and then he asked me to stop by the restaurant after I got out of church to keep him company because he will be working by himself. All during church service...my mind was totally on what the hell just happened...lol...Needless to say ..I decided to go by the restaurant and he was so happy to see me. He had me sit down and order some free food and then he preceded to have this really long conversation with me. There were a few times that I had interjected with "I gotta go and he would tell me no...to stay". Let me try to condense this as much as possible. He mentioned that he wanted to establish a friendship with me and I have this rule of informing any straight guy who wants a friendship with me that I am a gay man upfront so as to not have any surprises at a later time. Also, because I have had a second job as a bartender in one of the local gay clubs...I did not want any guy to go behind my back and tell him my orientation in order to be deceitful. Anyway...once I told this guy...he stood up and ask me to do the same and he gave me this long lingering hug and then he thanked me for telling him. Since that day...whenever gay guys would come into the restaurant and I was there...he would grab me and kiss me on my neck or grab me around my waist as if we were a couple. He even did this when some females would come in also. One night...he asked me if he come by my place to hang out with me...I agreed. However, as the evening progressed...he became pretty intoxicated and when I went to the kitchen...I came back into the living room to find him sitting on my sofa butt ass naked ...stroking himself and asking me to do the same. I was so shocked at this ..that I even insisted on him putting his clothes back on. The more I insisted..the more he came on to me. We started kissing and he helped me take off my clothes. He made me promise that we would keep what's happening between us. Let me put it this way...I could tell that I was not the first guy he messed with although he told me I was. ....the night was something else and lasted to the next morning. Needless to say...the next time I saw him...he acted very awkward towards me. When I got him alone and confronted him....he insisted that all was fine. Later on that evening..he called me and told me that he was very confused and all he could think about was what we did a couple of nights ago. He even told me that whenever he sees me...he began to develop feelings for me. The thing is that he developed these patterns of various mood swings towards me to the degree where he became unsure of his sexuality. To conclude...this behavior went on for awhile ...he was acting as if we were a couple for quite some time whenever I would pull away from him before I finally put an end to it. I did not want to be the person who try to "fix him or help him with his choices". I felt this was something that he had to come to terms with on his own. He even moved to another state in hopes that with a new start in a new state...the feelings he had for me would go away altogether. Wonder how that worked out...???

[Pyromancer]

[MENTION=22709]JohnSomebody[/MENTION] ... you said, "...this behavior went on for awhile ...he was acting as if we were a couple for quite some time whenever I would pull away from him before I finally put an end to it. I did not want to be the person who try to "fix him or help him with his choices". I felt this was something that he had to come to terms with on his own..."- this is what I was trying to say to [MENTION=22742]kevinfr23[/MENTION] in his Desperate For Help thread...but you sum it up better.

...we should embroider this on pillows and send them to every guy who's caught up in the "what is he thinking" trap...

[ShiftyNJ]

[MENTION=22709]JohnSomebody[/MENTION] I'm confused... the guy you had the relationship with is the father or the son?

[Pyromancer]

[MENTION=22709]JohnSomebody[/MENTION] I'm confused... the guy you had the relationship with is the father or the son?

I think he said that he had a long relationship with the father...and then a confusing series of encounters with the conflicted son...lol how am I doing [MENTION=22709]JohnSomebody[/MENTION], do I get my PI license...?

[JohnSomebody]

[MENTION=22709]JohnSomebody[/MENTION] I'm confused... the guy you had the relationship with is the father or the son?

I had the relationship with the son...I made mention of the father when I had said that I had established a close relationship with the sister and then the father. Sorry for misunderstanding...haha

[JohnSomebody]

[MENTION=22709]JohnSomebody[/MENTION] I'm confused... the guy you had the relationship with is the father or the son?

I'm sorry for the misunderstanding but the relationship was with the son ...not the father...

[ShiftyNJ]

Thanks... thought so but was confused because of the phrasing.