A question about grooming or "manscaping"

[Barefoot]

The thread about grooming or "manscaping" brings up something important to me that I've wondered about. Hairy guys are a big turn off for me. By that I mean chest, abs and leg/thigh hair. I don't mind facial, underarm or arm hair. I only like smooth guys. If I meet a guy who I otherwise am attracted to, is it inappropriate to tactfully ask him if he would shave? I know if I was hairy and a guy asked me to shave and I liked him it wouldn't bother me at all and I'd be happy to, but what about asking a guy to do it? Also, in an online profile on a dating site, would this be OK to mention? I haven't seen it mentioned specifically so I'm wondering.

[Beaux]

I cannot answer your question when it ones to dating apps at all, as I have never even seen one much less used one. However, as far as the question goes about asking someone else to groom (shave, clip, wax, ect..) I don't think it would be completely out of line, depending in how you brought it up and specifically how you went about asking. I can see situations where it would probably be ok, while I can also see where a question like that might come across as presumptive, demanding and insulting. SO....I guess it would really depend on the situation and the person.

I have kinda "bit my tounge" in answering some of your earlier posts (in some cases, avoiding answering all together), but I feel compelled to be honest with you now, so please don't take offense as I, in no way, intend for this to be offensive: It seems to me, that you have quite a number of "requirements" for anyone who might wish to date you. Now, that is fine for the most part, and if these things really are "deal-breakers" for you then you definately need to let any potiteial love intrest know this ASAP. However, while I agree that there has to be some initial chemistry present for ANY relationship to become more than just sexual, it comes across in your writing that these "requirements" of yours are all based on the superficiality of the physical (youth, hairlessness, ect..) and I feel I would be remiss if I did not comment on the fact that basing relationships on these kinds of qualities do not generally lead to a genuine LTRs; I can say with some certainty, that people inevitably change, age, and grow as the relationship progresses. What I am trying to get at is this: assuming you DO find someone who fits your "requirements" and you succeed in developing a LTR with this person, eventually he is going to CHANGE (eventually, we ALL change as the years go buy). If by this time you are still fixated on physical characteristics to keep you I satisfied in the relationship, I fear you are going to be very disappointed in the long run.

~Beaux

[Lexington]

I'd say there's no harm in asking. Then again, it seems the current gay environment is currently weighted heavier towards the trimmers and shavers. This would lead me to believe that if a guy posts pictures online of him with body hair, it's because he likes having body hair. In other words, if he had any inclination to trim or shave it, he probably would have (as it would invariably lead to more responses).

How should you ask? Well, I guess turn it around. Say a guy wanted to ask you "I'd totally love to get with you, but only if you shave your head. Would you do that for me?" How would you best liked to be approached about that?

Lex

[East]

I would gauge the person you ask carefully....

If you can't ...you have to expect any answer they give you. Some people will be very insulted...some might like the idea...and pretty much everything in between.....

I would just laugh if anyone asked me that...and it would be a definite NO...

[Barefoot]

I cannot answer your question when it ones to dating apps at all, as I have never even seen one much less used one. However, as far as the question goes about asking someone else to groom (shave, clip, wax, ect..) I don't think it would be completely out of line, depending in how you brought it up and specifically how you went about asking. I can see situations where it would probably be ok, while I can also see where a question like that might come across as presumptive, demanding and insulting. SO....I guess it would really depend on the situation and the person.

I have kinda "bit my tounge" in answering some of your earlier posts (in some cases, avoiding answering all together), but I feel compelled to be honest with you now, so please don't take offense as I, in no way, intend for this to be offensive: It seems to me, that you have quite a number of "requirements" for anyone who might wish to date you. Now, that is fine for the most part, and if these things really are "deal-breakers" for you then you definately need to let any potiteial love intrest know this ASAP. However, while I agree that there has to be some initial chemistry present for ANY relationship to become more than just sexual, it comes across in your writing that these "requirements" of yours are all based on the superficiality of the physical (youth, hairlessness, ect..) and I feel I would be remiss if I did not comment on the fact that basing relationships on these kinds of qualities do not generally lead to a genuine LTRs; I can say with some certainty, that people inevitably change, age, and grow as the relationship progresses. What I am trying to get at is this: assuming you DO find someone who fits your "requirements" and you succeed in developing a LTR with this person, eventually he is going to CHANGE (eventually, we ALL change as the years go buy). If by this time you are still fixated on physical characteristics to keep you I satisfied in the relationship, I fear you are going to be very disappointed in the long run.

~Beaux

I am not offended but you are mis-gauging my perspective. This particular question was meant to help me to broaden my possibilities because too much body hair can definitely a deal breaker for me, whether the guy is young or old. However, as I said in a previous reply in another post, attraction is very subjective, and youthfulness, or lack thereof, is even more a subjective attribute when it comes down to who I will find attractive when I meet various men. I had a young guy (early 20s) online just two nights ago begging me over and over to be with me and after he sent me his facial photo I knew I just could not. Partly because he had made no effort to improve his appearance when clearly he could have. Facial features are also a big factor in attractiveness for and yes, they can also be a deal breaker. I don't think I'm that much different. I've seen plenty of older guys who I thought I could easily say yes to also. So the operative word here is subjective. It's all subjective. And of course I know we all change, get older and look older as time passes. It's not like I'm going to dump someone because they've gotten older and lost their looks. It doesn't work that way anyway; people get used to the slow process of change in a partner and they tend not to notice it. And to sum it up, I'm not a shallow person as you seem to be thinking I might be. No offense but I do sense a bit of that implication in your post, although in no way am I saying you intended it to be offensive, as you so stated. I know you only stated it with genuine concern. All is good.

[meridannight]

Hairy guys are a big turn off for me. By that I mean chest, abs and leg/thigh hair. I don't mind facial, underarm or arm hair. I only like smooth guys. If I meet a guy who I otherwise am attracted to, is it inappropriate to tactfully ask him if he would shave? I know if I was hairy and a guy asked me to shave and I liked him it wouldn't bother me at all and I'd be happy to, but what about asking a guy to do it?

if you like smooth guys then seek out guys who are naturally smooth (although, again, you're exceptionally specific and limiting in your taste and attractions there, as i remember from one of your previous threads).

you can of course ask. and if a guy doesn't mind it he might even do it. but i personally think it's going a bit backwards about it. instead of trying to find a guy you like (or accepting the one you're with for who he is but who doesn't fit your ideal image to 100% accuracy), you're trying to change him to make him fit. that i do think is inappropriate.

i for one love body hair on a man. it's sexy and attractive. i'm hairy myself and i wouldn't shave it off for anyone. guys can ask (and one potential hookup did point out to me that razors exist ), but it's not gonna happen.

[Barefoot]

I was only wondering is all. Just something I had thought about. Of course I will try to find a guy I like. Just exploring possibilities, that's all.

[jogu656]

Im hairy and if im asked to shave i do no problem, unfortunately it can be uncomfortable because eventhough its harmless the guy will feel a bit of a rejection or disapproval, ive learned to accept it but i do warn that i get in-grown hairs fast and that can be more off putting than a few hairs lol, if you like smooth i say go find a smooth hairless guy cause the guy might be ok with it at first but might not always be that way.

[reaper]

I don't think it would be wrong to ask in the right way. Or maybe plant the seed and see if they are open to some sort of change. If a dude was hairy you could ask if they ever took the plunge and shaved. If they have you could ask if they liked it ect. Or you could ask if they ever considered it.

I'm also in the "smooth" boat. I don't care for body hair. I don't have much and remove what I have.

[Beaux]

And to sum it up, I'm not a shallow person as you seem to be thinking I might be. No offense but I do sense a bit of that implication in your post, although in no way am I saying you intended it to be offensive, as you so stated..

No, I didnt write my post because I thought you were being shallow. However, since you brought it up, let's look at the information you have shared about your self in the short time you have been here at GS.

From your "Delimina" Thread:

I'm not always as articulate as I'd like to be.

I've been inactive socially, romantically and sexually for a very long time.

I'm an older man who finds himself innately attracted only to younger guys.

I find that I am not physically attracted to any guy my age or even near it.

I like guys from 18 to about 28 and I'm 60 today.

I also only like twinks...

I'm not great looking and I'm overweight.

I really really want a young boyfriend....I just don't feel I can fall in love with someone near my own age.

I want to find my lover and be with him until the end.

And from your "Grooming" Thread:

Hairy guys are a big turn off for me.

I only like smooth guys.

...too much body hair can definitely a deal breaker for me...

And to sum it up, I'm not a shallow person as you seem to be thinking I might be.

So...no, I do not necessarily think that you are shallow. Delusional? Maybe...
~Beaux