Am I gay or bisexual? Or straight?

[reaper]

I'm also unsure about how truthful this story is. If it's true, it's sad and this kid was basically abused.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Ok. so I'm going to take this story at face value because.... well, I was sexually active at 14 and emancipated from my parents at 16. It happens. Some people, even people far older with kids and shit, have bad judgement. Hell, criminally bad judgement.

I think there's enough people who have been very clear about the legalities here, so I'm going to address the poster's actual question.
[MENTION=22559]Justme16[/MENTION] I would say you are probably bisexual from what you describe of your interests. There's nothing wrong with having different criteria that you find attractive when looking at men vs looking at women (ie: age, demeanor, etc).

You -do- need to let go of your obsession with this one particular man, though. Clearly, he's not interested in anything with you. He's married. Unavailable, and from the sound of what he's said to you, wouldn't be with you even if he was single. This how he used you. He used you for sex, they both did. You were willing, had a good time, that's great. But clearly, they want nothing more than that.

Live your life honestly yeah? If you get one, don't fuck around on your boyfriend/girlfriend with someone else. If you want to fuck around and experiment, that's fine. But stay single so you can do that to your heart's content without hurting others in the process.

[Justme16]

Here's a little secret about being a teenager - you can't have things both ways. If you're going to insist that this was a consensual thing between them and you, then you're going to have to man up and take everything that would've come with it had you been an adult.

I don't get a lot of sense that he "lied" to you, unless you left out a lot of stuff. It's not like there are two modes - "love" and "don't give a rat's ass". It sounds like he cared enough to make sure you enjoyed yourself, but I don't get much sense that he loved you, and I certainly don't see any sense that he was going to leave his wife for you.

There's nothing wrong with the basic idea of being interested in older guys, although I'd certainly wait until you pass the age of consent before doing anything more with them. (Even if you wanted to continue doing so, you'd be putting them in heavy risk from the law by doing so.) As far as "What You Are", what you are is sixteen. You're not entirely sure yet. That's fine. Keep dating girls if you find girls that interest you. Keep fantasizing about guys on occasion if that floats your boat. I'd avoid fantasizing specifically about this guy - you've already learned he's a dead end. Feel free to use him to build a fantasy guy - one who IS interested in being with you in addition to having sex with you.

Lex

The thing is when I think of guys all I think of is him. No other guy really. That's a good idea though I guess as a fantasy but I sometimes compare and feel like I'm missing out when I start talking to other girls. But it's a whole different thing in itself. I don't plan to get involved with any guy for that matter because of this for now.

[Justme16]

I think you are not getting the answers you want because this is dealing with something illegal. It was illegal and it is still illegal. There are only 10 states where the age of consent is 18 and California is one of those states, but in those states where it is lower than 18, there is usually an exception if the sex is with someone under 18 that the person has some type of authority over, and since this couple hired you for a job, they have that authority.

You are in very dangerous territory here. If authorities were to find out about this, that couple's child could very likely be removed from the home. The couple will both likely have prison time. Your parents will be informed. You will probably be called as a witness and not have a choice about it.

I don't believe my state has those laws it's just 16 that is the age of consent end of story.


I cont tell my parents my dad would beat me up and probably kill the guy probably the woman too if he were drunk. My mom would go into depression and become suicidal again. And I am not open about being gay or bisexual so that would be really bad for me. I rather just let it be. I do feel used but I learned my lesson no need to make matters worstplus honestly I do love him still I wouldn't do anything that would hurt him or his family.

[Justme16]

I think you are not getting the answers you want because this is dealing with something illegal. It was illegal and it is still illegal. There are only 10 states where the age of consent is 18 and California is one of those states, but in those states where it is lower than 18, there is usually an exception if the sex is with someone under 18 that the person has some type of authority over, and since this couple hired you for a job, they have that authority.

You are in very dangerous territory here. If authorities were to find out about this, that couple's child could very likely be removed from the home. The couple will both likely have prison time. Your parents will be informed. You will probably be called as a witness and not have a choice about it.

I'm being sincere but I didn't mean to bring up legal precautions I was talking about my personal life since I can't talk about my sexuality to anyone else. My bad.

[Rareboy]

The issue here is that you were 15....and even if you are sexually active at the age of 15, in this case, you were part of an illegal menage a trois and the object of sexual predators. God knows how many more underage kids this couple will damage in the future now that they've discarded you.

Because you are clearly emotionally immature, you are having trouble processing the end of the affair. My great concern is that unless you get some help to sort this out, this experience may damage all of your future emotional relationships.

My other great fear here is that you don't seem to think that adults having sexual relations with 15 year old kids is a big deal. This is very troubling .... in too many cases, people who were exploited as children into having sex with an older adult may become the aggressor themselves. Seriously. As soon as possible, please get some counselling to work through this experience. Because until you do, I don't think that you actually are going to sort out a healthy sexual and emotional identity.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Having been in a similar situation way back in my youth...

I get what your question is about and how you may be struggling with your sexual identity. It is one of the typical reactions to this sort of situation. As well as falling in 'love' with the perpetrator, and re-making the experience into one of consent when consent wasn't initially given, and many other potentials.

First you need to understand that pleasure from sex - any sex - is possible, this doesn't define ones sexuality, it just defines that in this case a male can be stimulated to orgasm.

Sexuality as in what really defines hetero, bi and homo sexualities are the rest of those things that take place in intimacy like love, who you want to share a life with.

Its not all about if you like dick up your arse or down your throat - its about who you want to build a life with, share your life with, etc. Its relationships, not sexual experiences, that define ones sexuality. Yes I know the words have sex in them, but sex is just a minor part of what Homo, Hetero and Bi sexuality is about.

The problem with this particular man is that he lied to you and manipulated you emotionally on top of the sex. He lead you to believe that you two could have a relationship as lovers. What he did (beyond sex) was not loving acts he used your own heart against you to get something from you.

I would be concerned about the whole consent thing - seems more like coercion. These two adults pretty much exercised authority over you to get you to do something. This can skew the emotions you experienced and are experiencing for this particular man. Successive use by another person can lead to faux-love type feelings, where the victim feels that they have real love, but its not. Something along the lines of Stockholm Syndrome.

BUT - I wasn't there, I didn't witness how this situation came into being. However I do find it difficult to believe that negative emotions were not in play the first time you agreed to give them what they wanted.

I went through the same phase of confusion about my sexuality over abuse that took place to me at a young age. I didn't decide my sexual orientation or how I view my sexuality until I met and fell deeply in love with my first lover. Whilst I had extracted some pleasure from previous experiences, with my first lover I experienced real love, and real pleasure and once that happened I understood the difference.

Sadly I cannot tell you what the difference is, because emotions are such deep and complex things. But - I can assure you when you meet the right person and you have a true lovers relationship you will know the difference between what has happened to you and what love is and you will be better able to identify and label your own sexual orientation.

In my youth, before my first lover I stuck to the label 'straight' and 'celibate'. This made it perfectly ok for me to not date females and not pursue sex, while being safely in the straight world since gay was a far worse thing then than today.

You actually have it a wee bit easier as bi and homo sexuality is tolerated and accepted.

Since you have attraction to only one male, and many females I would conclude that 'slightly bi' would be a fitting temporary label until you meet your first lover and have a real relationship free of manipulation and lies.

[Darius]

I'm being sincere but I didn't mean to bring up legal precautions I was talking about my personal life since I can't talk about my sexuality to anyone else. My bad.

Justme, we understand where you are coming from, but you can't expect us to just let your age and the ages of the couple who used you go unnoticed.
Sexuality is a complicated thing and none of us can tell you what yours is from what you have shared.
Is it possible that this man appeals to you other than just sexually? You say you love him, could that be because you lack love from/for your own father? Maybe he is some sort of masculine ideal for you? Add sex that you enjoyed to the equation and you are left confused when you got dumped.

I know you don't want to cause him or his family any trouble and I am pretty sure you won't, but it's too bad they didn't feel the same about you. They used you and most likely used other young guys before you (and will again). They should be stopped, but I understand that you are too afraid to be the one to do that.

Maybe delay any further sex with anyone else until you are old enough to handle it. OK?

Glad you are here to talk to us, though.

[Justme16]

Ok. so I'm going to take this story at face value because.... well, I was sexually active at 14 and emancipated from my parents at 16. It happens. Some people, even people far older with kids and shit, have bad judgement. Hell, criminally bad judgement.

I think there's enough people who have been very clear about the legalities here, so I'm going to address the poster's actual question.
[MENTION=22559]Justme16[/MENTION] I would say you are probably bisexual from what you describe of your interests. There's nothing wrong with having different criteria that you find attractive when looking at men vs looking at women (ie: age, demeanor, etc).

You -do- need to let go of your obsession with this one particular man, though. Clearly, he's not interested in anything with you. He's married. Unavailable, and from the sound of what he's said to you, wouldn't be with you even if he was single. This how he used you. He used you for sex, they both did. You were willing, had a good time, that's great. But clearly, they want nothing more than that.

Live your life honestly yeah? If you get one, don't fuck around on your boyfriend/girlfriend with someone else. If you want to fuck around and experiment, that's fine. But stay single so you can do that to your heart's content without hurting others in the process.

My relationship with him also a side secret affair along with the threesomes. In the threesomes I wasn't even having sexual with him. It was just me pleasuring their needs. He had a relationship out of that with me. If he didn't have a wife I'd totally be willing to have a long term eelationship with him. I would feel like though he would have to earn my trust again because he lied so much.

I think I do need therapy to sort this out but I don't want them telling anyone. Because that would just make matters worst.

[Justme16]

I actually did consent Initially. Because I was initially attracted to his wife and he and I had become friends by then. We'd see each other everyday basically. We would also work out together and the like. I figured I didn't mind sucking his dick if it meant I got to do stuff with her too. I like him initially on a very intense platonic way which became more than that swiftly. Maybe you're right in a sense he did use the fact that we loved each other as a way to have sex with me because for a while I really wasn't interested in sex with him without her being involved. But when we did I actually regretted all the times I said no before because I felt I missed out. He never forced me though he respected when I didn't want to. It's more like he caused all these feelings I have for him just to leave me wanting more for nothing now.

Realistically I could see myself spending my life with a woman. Since things dont seem to be working out with him. I am open to a relationship with a guy. But it doesn't seem likely since I am attracted to the female frame usually.

Having been in a similar situation way back in my youth...

I get what your question is about and how you may be struggling with your sexual identity. It is one of the typical reactions to this sort of situation. As well as falling in 'love' with the perpetrator, and re-making the experience into one of consent when consent wasn't initially given, and many other potentials.

First you need to understand that pleasure from sex - any sex - is possible, this doesn't define ones sexuality, it just defines that in this case a male can be stimulated to orgasm.

Sexuality as in what really defines hetero, bi and homo sexualities are the rest of those things that take place in intimacy like love, who you want to share a life with.

Its not all about if you like dick up your arse or down your throat - its about who you want to build a life with, share your life with, etc. Its relationships, not sexual experiences, that define ones sexuality. Yes I know the words have sex in them, but sex is just a minor part of what Homo, Hetero and Bi sexuality is about.

The problem with this particular man is that he lied to you and manipulated you emotionally on top of the sex. He lead you to believe that you two could have a relationship as lovers. What he did (beyond sex) was not loving acts he used your own heart against you to get something from you.

I would be concerned about the whole consent thing - seems more like coercion. These two adults pretty much exercised authority over you to get you to do something. This can skew the emotions you experienced and are experiencing for this particular man. Successive use by another person can lead to faux-love type feelings, where the victim feels that they haves.

I know besides him I'd rather be with a girl. I have always liked girls it's like for me just apart of who I am. I just really like him too. I guess there are more honest relationships and I'd want that likely with another girl. I'm open to a relationship with a guy but in general Ive never been interested in a relationship with a guy besides him.