3way.... Relationship!

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend and I have been friends with a guy for around 3 years now, we we're all close before me and my partner got together. We all spend a lot of time together and he is always at our house and continually flirts with both of us.. About 7-8 months ago me and my partner had a fight and he blurted out how he thought I had fallen for our friend. Which was true. But so had he. After days and days of debate and discussion between the 3 of us, we've invited him to move in and have a monogamous 3 way relationship. It sounds like a failure to begin with but its actually working out. We've all been living, sleeping and having sex together for the past 6. The other 2 being quiet small bodied means we can all fit in a king size bed, and we've turned our spare room into a sort of "playroom". There is simple rules but they work. Is it possible this could workout in the long run or will something eventually give? I only ask simply because it seems too good.
All advice welcome thanks guys

[princealbertofb]

I think it can work... I've seen this film called THREE which precisely tells the story of such a couple who let in an extra person and it all seems to work out. The only reason why it might not work out would be if one person weren't getting out of the relationship what they expected it to deliver. If you are all three into each other, then why not. At one point, though, and this is something to be aware of, one of you might suddenly feel that this relationship is no longer good enough for him.

It's not a conventional relationship and it'll be difficult to present and even make people understand, but it can work.
A film I saw which came out in 1976 (I think) was called Pourquoi Pas? (Why not?) but it was a Ménage à Trois with a woman and two men. I think they'd finally got around to thinking that maybe that was what was needed for the balance of the relationship and they went with it (Why Not?) It was a bit of a hippie film, but there are probably more non conventional relationships out there than we know about. Unfortunately I'm afraid you won't be able to get married all three of you, but it might become necessary for two of you to do so for economic or other reasons. Talk it out.
https://www.lensculture.com/books/9935-three

[princealbertofb]

From Howard Roffman's words : "I am a 55-year-old white, Jewish man who grew up in a decidedly white middle-class section of Philadelphia, who now lives in San Francisco with his partner of 34 years and whose career has nothing to do with photography. So how do I find myself publishing book after book of photographs of deliriously beautiful young men? I often find myself asking that very same question.

My interest in photography dates back to when I was a child. Don't be shocked, but so does my interest in beautiful young men. Somehow, the two interests have always been connected. For as long as I can remember, whenever I saw a gorgeous boy, I dreamed of being able to capture his beauty in photographs. For so long, it was a dream that seemed far beyond my reach, a fantasy, a frustration.

It wasn't until 1991 that my fantasy became a reality. It happened when I met John and Gary, an attractive young couple in San Francisco who wanted to be photographed. You can read the gory details in my book THREE, but suffice it to say that my first session with them was a turning point in my life -- the point, in fact, when I turned from being a frustrated voyeur into being a photographer. Suddenly I realized that if I asked people to pose for me, I could bring all those pictures locked in my head into reality.

There was no stopping me. I gave my card to people at restaurants, street fairs, shopping malls, on the street -- anywhere I saw someone who interested me. I began to build a body of work and to develop my skills. I also began to understand what my photography was really about. The popular aesthetic when I started was all about bodies and sculpture. "Male nude photography" was the term of art most often used to describe my work. It never sat well with me. I wasn't photographing bodies; I was photographing people. I wanted my pictures to feel like a window into their soul. I wanted viewers to feel connected with my models. My work is portraiture. It isn't about nudes or bodies or body parts.

As of today, I have published fourteen books of photographs, with more to come, and am represented by a terrific gallery in New York. Along the way there have been cards and calendars and magazine articles. It is still rather amazing to me that any of this has happened at all, but, clearly, none of this could have happened without the intervention of some wonderful people who cared about what I was doing and offered their help. People like John Wascisin, my first real model, who tirelessly championed my work, Doug Mitchell, the owner of Soho Gallery, who published my first cards and calendars, Kerry O'Quinn, one of my dearest friends, who encouraged me, opened his home to me and searched for models, Michael Taubenheim, a brilliant photo editor, who has helped shape and develop my books, Bruno Gmünder, a savvy publisher, who has created a meaningful channel for artists like me to publish their often forbidden works, John Wessel and Billy O'Connor, owners of the Wessel + O'Connor Gallery in New York, who have given credibility and stature to this art form and warmly welcomed my work, and Jeremy Ferguson, a model and friend, who dragged me kicking and screaming into the 21st century with this web site. And then there is my partner Duane Waters, who has put up with me for 34 years, the last twelve of which were spent patiently waiting for me to finish lengthy photo shoots and late night sessions poring over proof sheets, with barely a moment of jealousy or doubt.

[princealbertofb]

the subtitle being THREE IS NOT ONE TOO MANY

[Maverick]

Jayson Smith, Dustin Germain and Steve Peña make it work. Here is a link to their facebook pages.

https://www.facebook.com/jayson.smith.391
https://www.facebook.com/brent.everett.3958?pnref=story
https://www.facebook.com/steve.pena.921?pnref=story

[BarryAndBryan]

Personally, I do not feel like something can this work...I don't know if I'm just "old school"...which I am old...lol...but I don't believe you can love more than one person at a time....I believe that jealousy is a good thing, and that if it's truly love then it is only with ONE person....I too tried having a three way relationship once upon a time....and it did in fact end badly...because in the end a relationship can only be between two people and that "third" person eventually gets pushed out....but I do hope you the best in this situation if it is what suits you....

[Watermark]

As long as you all are happy and it works for you guys. I like how unique love is and how diverse situations it can create.

[princealbertofb]

Personally, I do not feel like something can this work...I don't know if I'm just "old school"...which I am old...lol...but I don't believe you can love more than one person at a time....I believe that jealousy is a good thing, and that if it's truly love then it is only with ONE person....I too tried having a three way relationship once upon a time....and it did in fact end badly...because in the end a relationship can only be between two people and that "third" person eventually gets pushed out....but I do hope you the best in this situation if it is what suits you....

I don't think our brains and hearts all work in the same way. I think it can work for some. After all, men are not naturally monogamous, it would seem, or we wouldn't have all this drama, straight or gay.

[MikeW]

You know, OP, sounds to me like yo've got a good thing going. You are enjoying it and so is everyone else.

NOW you come here asking, "Is it possible this could workout in the long run or will something eventually give? I only ask simply because it seems too good."

Are you serious? NOTHING in life is permanent. NOT ONE GOD DAMNED THING. Everything changes. Life is DYNAMIC, it moves, it changes it transforms. That's what makes it so wonderful, so exhilarating, so precious. Will this three-way relationship last? Well, yes, it will last as long as the people participating in it want it to, so long as they're all putting something into it and getting something out of it. BUT… will that *always* happen? Well, who the hell knows? Probably not, but so what? That doesn't -- or shouldn't -- detract from whatever value you're getting from it NOW. What's the Buddhist saying … "I love this glass tremendously because I know it is already broken…" something along those lines.

The point being, live in the moment. Yes, you may, and most likely will, have to endure pain, sorrow, grief -- any number of difficult feelings -- at some point in the future. SO WHAT? That's life. One way and another we all suffer. SO… all the more reason to fully ENJOY the good things, the good times, no? For sure, don't be naive about it; but don't bring on the doom and gloom either.

[Lexington]

Of course it can work. That doesn't mean it will, but it can.

I do think triads are more likely to fail, simply because adding a third member triples the number of interpersonal relationships. It's not just A-B now - it's A-B, A-C and B-C. (And how does A feel about B-C? etc, etc...) But just be ause it's a bigger juggling act doesn't mean it's impossible. It just means you need to stay open, stay aware, and nip any potential problem sin the bud early on.

Lex