Cheating : What is costs. What is destroys.
03-28-2015, 07:49 PM
This isn't an appeal for sympathy or advice so save that for someone else on another thread.
I'm writing this so maybe someone can learn from it and not make the mistake of cheating on someone with whom they have built up years (a total of nine) into building a relationship.
I won't go into the details of how I found out I had been cheated on other than to say it didn't take snooping into someone's phone to see what was going on that I wasn't supposed to to know about. It all started with me changing sheets before I left home on a Sunday then coming home Wednesday, crawling into bed tired, waking up and realizing not only had the sheets been changed that morning but they were not any of the good sheets for the bed but the ones from the bottom shelf in the closet I was saving to make rags out of if. Then I noticed a few things out of place that shouldn't have been. Then I checked the video from the security cam on the driveway. The guy, a supposed friend of mine, came over a few minutes after 9pm and didn't leave until after my bestfriend/room mate came in from work the next morning then stormed out of the house mad as hell after finding this friend of mine and my guy in bed together.
It was like my guy had decided to throw away everything for a quick and meaningless piece of ass with a half witted 20 year old slut. When he moved here in December half of all I have became his. I gave him a fine ass set of wheels I worked on and helped restore and pimp out. Te title is still in my name and it'll be in my name from now until I die. I sold and gave away furniture of mine to make room for his. I'd even gone through the paperwork of making him a partner in my business. I was the happiest guy on the face of this planet when he moved here just after Xmas.
All of that is gone and there's nothing that can be done to make me feel that way about him again. He killed that part of me that lived for him.
We've been trying to put things back together and salvage a relationship. Whatever it is we'll end up with won't be anything like what he had going for us before he decided to cheat. I'm not even attracted to him anymore. We've gotten back to sleeping in the same bed, but there's no cuddling or anything. I don't even use the same bathroom he uses so I don't have to see him naked or him me.
I've cancelled the hotel reservations I made for Memorial Day weekend in Pensacola. I told him it was up to him to let it be known that the July wedding is at least postponed, if not cancelled. I just don't feel the commitment to marry him anymore. It's gone.
Four and half years ago he and I changed from being long distance FWBs to trying to make a relationship out of what we had. What had happened was I broke up with him because I couldn't put up with the FWB bullshit anymore. He was the only one who wanted the benefits of being "friends" with others. After the break up he came after me to convince me to try to make a relationship work out. It took a few days of talking but we worked things out. But I warned him then that if he ever wanted to mess around with anyone else he'd better make sure it was someone he wanted to be with more than me cuz he wouldn't get any dick from me ever again.
At the time I was just saying that being tough or so I thought. Now I see I really meant it from deep within. I'm not going to set myself up to be hurt like this again, after a wedding. I don't know what he'll have to do to take away the hurt and give back the trust he destroyed -- or if he ever can take away the hurt or rebuild the trust. I just know that I'm not going to be made to suffer a second, third, forth or fifth time hoping for something that he can't deliver.
It's got nothing to do with putting an unrealistic value on monogamy. It's got everything to do with putting a realistic value on trust. Had he felt the urge to cheat on me I should have been the first person he turned to about it, not the last one. He knows that. When we got back together the first time we agreed to that trust -- turning to each other first instead of last.
That's all for now. I'll be leaving here shortly headed south to pick up a load and bring it home. I'll check back in when I can..
Virge
I'm writing this so maybe someone can learn from it and not make the mistake of cheating on someone with whom they have built up years (a total of nine) into building a relationship.
I won't go into the details of how I found out I had been cheated on other than to say it didn't take snooping into someone's phone to see what was going on that I wasn't supposed to to know about. It all started with me changing sheets before I left home on a Sunday then coming home Wednesday, crawling into bed tired, waking up and realizing not only had the sheets been changed that morning but they were not any of the good sheets for the bed but the ones from the bottom shelf in the closet I was saving to make rags out of if. Then I noticed a few things out of place that shouldn't have been. Then I checked the video from the security cam on the driveway. The guy, a supposed friend of mine, came over a few minutes after 9pm and didn't leave until after my bestfriend/room mate came in from work the next morning then stormed out of the house mad as hell after finding this friend of mine and my guy in bed together.
It was like my guy had decided to throw away everything for a quick and meaningless piece of ass with a half witted 20 year old slut. When he moved here in December half of all I have became his. I gave him a fine ass set of wheels I worked on and helped restore and pimp out. Te title is still in my name and it'll be in my name from now until I die. I sold and gave away furniture of mine to make room for his. I'd even gone through the paperwork of making him a partner in my business. I was the happiest guy on the face of this planet when he moved here just after Xmas.
All of that is gone and there's nothing that can be done to make me feel that way about him again. He killed that part of me that lived for him.
We've been trying to put things back together and salvage a relationship. Whatever it is we'll end up with won't be anything like what he had going for us before he decided to cheat. I'm not even attracted to him anymore. We've gotten back to sleeping in the same bed, but there's no cuddling or anything. I don't even use the same bathroom he uses so I don't have to see him naked or him me.
I've cancelled the hotel reservations I made for Memorial Day weekend in Pensacola. I told him it was up to him to let it be known that the July wedding is at least postponed, if not cancelled. I just don't feel the commitment to marry him anymore. It's gone.
Four and half years ago he and I changed from being long distance FWBs to trying to make a relationship out of what we had. What had happened was I broke up with him because I couldn't put up with the FWB bullshit anymore. He was the only one who wanted the benefits of being "friends" with others. After the break up he came after me to convince me to try to make a relationship work out. It took a few days of talking but we worked things out. But I warned him then that if he ever wanted to mess around with anyone else he'd better make sure it was someone he wanted to be with more than me cuz he wouldn't get any dick from me ever again.
At the time I was just saying that being tough or so I thought. Now I see I really meant it from deep within. I'm not going to set myself up to be hurt like this again, after a wedding. I don't know what he'll have to do to take away the hurt and give back the trust he destroyed -- or if he ever can take away the hurt or rebuild the trust. I just know that I'm not going to be made to suffer a second, third, forth or fifth time hoping for something that he can't deliver.
It's got nothing to do with putting an unrealistic value on monogamy. It's got everything to do with putting a realistic value on trust. Had he felt the urge to cheat on me I should have been the first person he turned to about it, not the last one. He knows that. When we got back together the first time we agreed to that trust -- turning to each other first instead of last.
That's all for now. I'll be leaving here shortly headed south to pick up a load and bring it home. I'll check back in when I can..
Virge
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