Casual Hookup/Body shame issues

[Wade]

One thing I'm noticing is it seems a lot of gay young men are having a hard time allowing themselves to feel SEXUAL (truly turned on and into it) with someone IRL. I'm guessing this has something to do with watching and JOing to so much porn. We get USED to having sexual fantasies over which we have total control, including exactly how we're touched -- AND all this is private. IRL sex is NOT like our fantasies and it is no longer private. So there's a bit of a "learning curve" to letting ourselves HAVE our erotic energy, expressing it with and sharing it with someone else -- someone who isn't a fantasy.

I think there's a lot of truth to that.

In general I agree with [MENTION=21495]Rareboy[/MENTION] about this. Moreover, if you like this guy at all there's no reason you can't see him again, set him down and say, "look... if we want to continue, this is what I need to have happen..." and see how he is with that. If he isn't able or willing to be communicative you can let him know that doesn't work for you.

I just don't understand why people don't just SAY what is going on inside them.

Fucking this! I thought I was being mature by trying to ask what he wanted. Communication is a difficult thing for him in general though. Sometime's I can tell his mind is racing, but rather than say what clearly thinking about, he'll use does diversion tactic by talking about the most random shit.

If I do see him again I'll definitely make this part more clear, or state how important it is. Thanks Mike.

[MikeW]

...Sometime's I can tell his mind is racing, but rather than say what clearly thinking about, he'll use does diversion tactic by talking about the most random shit. ....

He is censoring. So, my first question to him would be: Do you know you are censoring, holding back your truth? If he can acknowledge that he IS doing that (or whatever his truth is), the next question from me would be, "How can I help you feel safe to share your truth with me?"

[Camfer]

There are no fatal STIs at the moment as long as you get modern medical treatments. You used a condom so you really have nothing to worry about. This conflation of sex and death has really got to go. It's not helping.

Your hookup sounds somewhat successful. Sure it could have been better.

With your autistic lust interest, he's not reading your body language, and when you ask direct questions you may well not get direct answers. Insisting on direct answers will probably lead to confusion for both of you! Taking more physical initiative may be helpful.

[MikeW]

[MENTION=18396]Wade[/MENTION]: [MENTION=20941]Camfer[/MENTION] may be right about the physical / intuitive communication modality. Certainly something worth considering.