Break up advice

[jknguia1980]

Hey guys, I've been trying to recover from a recent break so here's the story... My name is justin, I'm 17 and a junior in high school. A senior named angel started talking to me and told me how he really liked me. There was this really strong connection between us and he just really made me happy. Happy to a point that every time he sends me a text message I get butterflies in my stomach. We were just so so into each other and so so happy, until just recently he talked to me about something that really broke me

A couple days ago we met up, I was really looking forward to seeing him as always. As we walked to our spot he told me, "I'm gonna be honest with you, im being selfish right now because I want to focus on school and my college stuff. I felt like our relationship isn't going anywhere since I'm going to new jersey".

After he said all that I didn't know what to say, I was just so bummed out. I mean he's really special to me because he is my first boyfriend, he's my first everything and I'm really proud of calling him my boyfriend. But now that he said that I've been really sad. The day he told me the new was the day I wanted to tell him I love him, but instead that happened.

I cried so much that night and I felt so alone and so fucking sad. I've been trying to find an outlet and I've been trying to hangbout with friends but I keep thinking about him.

So right now I'm trying to do the " no contact rule", and ever since I've been trying to avoid him, I SEE HIM EVERYWHERE! I just really need some comfort, anyone can suggest anything or tell me what you guys would do in this situation

[Pyromancer]

There's no easy way to get over him...what you're doing...spending time with friends and trying to avoid him, trying to distract yourself...is about all anyone can suggest. There's no quick fix...it takes time. I know it doesn't seem likely now, but at some point you'll meet someone else and move on. It's important to b open to new people and experiences...don't assume you'll never feel this way about anyone again...you will...

We all go through this...if you'd told me a few years ago that I'd get over the "love of my life" (lol his name was Justin...) and end up feeling happy, comfortable and secure with an amazing guy, I'd have told you that you just didn't understand...and I know that nothing I've said is going to make you feel any better right now, but just hang in there and don't close any doors

[Borg69]

I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you will survive. You'll move on, and you'll have dozens of other break ups that will make this one feel like a cake walk.

[MikeW]

I just really need some comfort, anyone can suggest anything or tell me what you guys would do in this situation

Ahhh.... sorry you're going through this. Hugs: {{{{{Justin}}}}} As others are saying, there really isn't much you can do to stop feeling the hurt other than what you already are doing. ALL of us who have been in relationships and have lost them for whatever reason go through this. We get close to and attached to someone. They're apart of our lives and then something happens and they're gone -- and we're left feeling this emptiness and sadness. It hurts and it sucks but that's the way these things go. In your case this is, as you say, your "first everything," and this will always be important to you. However, as time goes on, the hurt and emptiness won't take up as much of your attention. To the point where, eventually, it just won't be there anymore. That may take some time, depends on a lot of things. For example, lol, if someone new were to walk into your life right away, it would probably change much faster. But, if not, you might go on pining over him longer.

PERSONALLY (other people disagree with me on this), I don't like the "avoid him" rule. To me, it is much better, to see him, even go out with him, while knowing there is a real distance between us that can't be measured in feet or inches. HE has made a decision and is moving on. Good for him, in a way. That's what he (and you) should be doing at this stage of your lives. Is there any way YOU can be happy for him, in a sense give him "permission" to go off on his own? You know, we have to do that with people we love... give them permission to do what is right for them, even if it feels like a sacrifice for us. Actually, I guess what I'm suggesting is you be grateful for the time you've had together. SO MANY young gay men don't get to have the BF experience at your age. True, it sucks that the situation is changing but another way to look at it is, if you truly love him, you always will... and in doing so you let him go, set him free, to live the life he needs to live.

Like I say, not everyone agrees with me. BUT at least he was honest with you. He didn't just leave you hanging or cheat on your or treat you badly. You're actually very fortunate! It's just sad and disappointing -- unless you guys can and want to figure out a way to continue being friends..... that also can happen between some people.

Ok, enough from me. Give yourself some time to breathe, and heal, and know that this is not the end of your love life -- only the beginning!

ETA: There's an interesting movie on Netflix you can stream if you're interested, called "Last Summer"...




It's sort of a "meditation" on two teenagers experiencing exactly what you're going through... the inevitable separation. But I think its done very well.

[JohnSomebody]

Ahhh.... sorry you're going through this. Hugs: {{{{{Justin}}}}} As others are saying, there really isn't much you can do to stop feeling the hurt other than what you already are doing. ALL of us who have been in relationships and have lost them for whatever reason go through this. We get close to and attached to someone. They're apart of our lives and then something happens and they're gone -- and we're left feeling this emptiness and sadness. It hurts and it sucks but that's the way these things go. In your case this is, as you say, your "first everything," and this will always be important to you. However, as time goes on, the hurt and emptiness won't take up as much of your attention. To the point where, eventually, it just won't be there anymore. That may take some time, depends on a lot of things. For example, lol, if someone new were to walk into your life right away, it would probably change much faster. But, if not, you might go on pining over him longer.

PERSONALLY (other people disagree with me on this), I don't like the "avoid him" rule. To me, it is much better, to see him, even go out with him, while knowing there is a real distance between us that can't be measured in feet or inches. HE has made a decision and is moving on. Good for him, in a way. That's what he (and you) should be doing at this stage of your lives. Is there any way YOU can be happy for him, in a sense give him "permission" to go off on his own? You know, we have to do that with people we love... give them permission to do what is right for them, even if it feels like a sacrifice for us. Actually, I guess what I'm suggesting is you be grateful for the time you've had together. SO MANY young gay men don't get to have the BF experience at your age. True, it sucks that the situation is changing but another way to look at it is, if you truly love him, you always will... and in doing so you let him go, set him free, to live the life he needs to live.

Like I say, not everyone agrees with me. BUT at least he was honest with you. He didn't just leave you hanging or cheat on your or treat you badly. You're actually very fortunate! It's just sad and disappointing -- unless you guys can and want to figure out a way to continue being friends..... that also can happen between some people.

Ok, enough from me. Give yourself some time to breathe, and heal, and know that this is not the end of your love life -- only the beginning!

ETA: There's an interesting movie on Netflix you can stream if you're interested, called "Last Summer"...




It's sort of a "meditation" on two teenagers experiencing exactly what you're going through... the inevitable separation. But I think its done very well.

I agree with you MikeW....I could not have put it any better ....I do admire the fact of Angel being honest with Justin. The both of you are young and just starting your lives for new adventures, experiences, etc. The fact that he is probably leaving for a career pursuit...at his age...you can't be mad at him for doing so. I do however agree with the others in regard to you being able to move on which you will...but like MikeW had mentioned in his post...I would not avoid Angel and more than likely...I would spend some time with him until he leaves because at least you know where you stand with him now instead of wondering what he is feeling or if he's feeling the same as you. Perhaps...if you do spend some time with him before he leaves...you two can establish a friendship which who knows where that might lead in the near future if by then you haven't found a new guy to take your mind off of him in that manner. JS

[Shypuppy69]

Very good advise from Mike W. You should not avoid him. You both had feelings for each other so make the most of it. Spend time together. Support each other in your decisions on ways to better your life. Be happy for each other and remain friends. It can work because it has worked for me and a very good friend of mine. We have texted each other every day for the past 2 1/2 years even when he was in Europe for 6 months. He has a boyfriend and I'm happy for him because his boyfriend can give him what he is looking for in life and I'm not able to do that mainly due to work and distance very much like your friend going away to school. Granted you are not going to have all that you had hoped for right now but don't throw away what you do have. And if you remain friends and remain in contact you never know what the future could bring.

[Yelly]

MikeW and the company's right. instead of keeping on avoiding him, hating him, and pushing him away make the most of it for the both of you. Go, make a good memories. take the remaining time while you two have the chance. That's LIFE that LOVES, full of challenges and aches of course and sometimes it will twist you to a situation to the point that you have to choose and let go of someone you love, it might twist your heart for sure, (like in your situation right now) but always have a brave-heart and everything will gonna be okay.