I love somebody who's in love with somebody else

[Anonymous]

Seriously, this is going on for almost a year already. I'm madly in love with a guy, let's call him Bob, who loves someone unreal - a straight man. Bob has good relationships with that guy who has told him clearly that he's straight and will never return his feelings. I seriously don't know what else is he expecting. I've been giving him so much attention, I'm stable in life and ready for serious, loving relationships. Maybe that sounds arrogant but I don't see any reason why wouldn't he like me. However he's always treating me harshly, always telling me that he's in love with other man and doesn't need me. I think I've done everything I could to open Bob's eyes and show him that his feelings to that guy are pointless, he's straight and will never love him back. When I told him I'm ready to do anything for him, he said "if anything, then start with leaving me alone". Why such attitude? I've told him millions of times that that guy doesn't need him and he always replies "that doesn't matter, I love him". I know only Bob himself can change this situation but when will he open his eyes?? And what should I do, it hurts so much to watch him ruining his life because of some one sided love.

[MikeW]

Sounds like you deserve one another.

Look, he's not into you. He's said so. So how come you're acting just like he is, obsessing over someone who isn't into you?

Move on.

[Bookworm]

Well, 'Bob' has made his feelings perfectly clear to you. He's not interested. End of story. You can't force him to have a relationship with you if he's not interested.

He is also pursuing a straight man he can't have. You both need to refocus and move on. Channel your energies elsewhere instead of going round in endless circles.

[Pyromancer]

He's told you very clearly that he wants you to leave him alone. It's really none of your business who he does or doesn't love.

Stop behaving like a stalker and move on. I've been in his position...being continually harassed by an obsessed "lover" ...and I can guarantee that what you're doing will drive him even further away from you.

These situations never end well.

[East]

Don't worry about what Bob is doing. Turn that attention to yourself....

What makes you think if he wasn't in love with him that he would be in love with you? It sounds like you guys have zero chemistry....

Take his advice...leave him alone.

[meridannight]

i agree with others. sounds like he's not interested in you.

you wanna know why he's invested in a guy who can't return his feelings? look in the mirror. why exactly are you invested in him?

i can't tell you what you should or should not do. maybe the guy is worth the trouble. if he is or is not, you're not gonna win him by telling him that what he feels for another guy is wrong. it is not, in fact, wrong. his feelings are his. he knows whether they are worth it or not. if you like him that much, you should be supportive of him first and foremost. that includes being supportive even if he's in love with a guy who can never return what he feels.

[TwisttheLeaf]

It's time to turn your sights in a new direction. You and he are doing the -exact- same thing.... fixating on someone who has no interest at all in being involved with you.

Move on.

[Rareboy]

I have nothing to add except that I am utterly fascinated by your own lack of self-awareness about what you are doing.

If he has asked you to leave him alone....that sounds like one of the clearest rejections that I have ever heard.

So leave him alone. And find someone to love who will love you in return instead of hunting someone down like prey.

[erectrician4u]

hey guy you sound just like bob your in love with a guy that will not cannot and more than likely will never love you theres millions of fish so to speak out there surely you are well rounded enough to find someone who will return the love that you have to give apparently hes not taking the bait its time to move to another pond and try again and remember there is someone for everyone and some are fortunate to have two or three so hang in there big guy

[Iceblink]

It sounds like you want some magic advice that is going to make Bob desire you romantically. It is not going to happen. If anyone were to give some ideas of how to make a guy like you, in your situation it would only come across as more infatuation and obsession. He is interested in someone else and not into you. And so what if the other guy doesn't "need" him? Why must the guy need Bob for him to love the guy? That other guy might be straight, but that is Bob's issue to deal with. Since you have a motive to get rid of that guy beyond just being a good friend, you aren't exactly the best person to help Bob with that situation and having that ulterior motive is certainly not going to make Bob love you.

Let it go. Move on with your life.