I've been going with this guy I really like. We have gone out and gotten to know each other very well. I've had asked a few times if he wants to be my partner, but he says he would say yes, but he's still in the closet. So am I, so what's does that have to do with anything? I just want him to be mine in every way possible. I love this man, but I hate that he calls me bud, buddy and dude. 😑 it sucks. He also apologizes when he calls me baby and babe. It pisses me off. Also when we get intimate he doesn't want us to take off our boxers because he says sex complicated things. But come on! We've been a "couple" for over two years. I don't know what to do anymore. I love this man and I don't want to stop feeling how I feel for him because I know it will hurt because it's not the first time I've had my heart broken. Any help or advice you guys can give me? Please and thank you.
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The problem is his, being in the closet and in a relationship isn't easy at all. Maybe he feels insecure, unsure of himself, having a low self-esteem... You two must have a deep chat together. You can be his best friend too, who knows, maybe you're the only one he can trust.
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So you've been with him for two years and there's been no taking off of the boxers? You're a patient, patient man.
I've never been in a relationship, but I've wondered how I would refer to my boyfriend... I can actually see myself saying "Bud." Any of the other standard pet names (all from the heterosexual world) just seem too awkward to see myself using them.
But I can understand why this would make you sad. Have you told him any of this? How these things make you feel? That would be a great start.
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I think you're making a problem out of nothing about the way he calls you. He's not saying anything offending.
But the fact the you're together for 2 years and still haven't had sex is something different and probably indicates that he's not that much into you.
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I agree with Lex. It is time that you told him that you think that things should get complicated. Barring any unrevealed disease or other physical reason, that is. Does he have issues with his body? You don't seem to.
Try asking him just to be naked together. Maybe later bathe or massage or sunbathe or swim. Have a frank conversation about why he feels the way he does and be respectful but stand your ground. Let him know that this can't go on forever, for his own good and yours.
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From what I've read in your post...I tend to believe that this guy is not sure about his sexuality and there may be days when he feels he can embrace it and there are those days when he doesn't. Nonetheless...it sounds as if he has more days when he doesn't as opposed to the days he does. Also, you mentioning that you guys have been in each others' company for two years and when you do make attempts towards anything sexual...you both leave your boxers on. Kudos to you for being so patient .....however...to me...this is a strong indication that he is not willing to go all the way with you probably because he may feels that if he does...then feelings that he is not ready to accept about you may come out. For instance, there are guys who are conflicted about their sexuality that may feel a certain way about you while engaging into intimacy with you...but once its over and reality creeps back in...they began to regret what had happened earlier and may withdraw from the situation altogether.
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axelcanvasback Wrote:Also when we get intimate he doesn't want us to take off our boxers because he says sex complicated things.
how weird. my experience has been the opposite. sex tends to make things simpler, or easier.
complicated or not complicated, not taking off your underwear when having sex/being intimate is ridiculous....i don't even know what to make of it. are you sure he wants to have sex with you and be in a relationship with you?
''Do I look civilized to you?''
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I would have a conversation about what you want. It sounds like this guy is calling all the shots and your just being way to patient and passive. A relationship requires a balance of meeting each others needs. It sounds like all your doing is what he wants and your just sitting there in your boxers like a couple of "buds" unhappy and unsatisfied. You live in Chicago! Find a guy that will allow you to make some decisions.
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