Feelings of Uncertainty

[Anonymous]

There's a couple of things about this new guy I'm dating that sort of leave me with uncertainty.

We met on Grindr a couple weeks back, and went on our first date last Sunday the 24th, a second date last Wednesday, and our third date this evening.

He's really fun to be around, he's sweet and compassionate, and every time I'm around him, I get the butterflies in the stomach feeling.

What has me feeling uncertain though: texting him, which makes me feel like my texts go ignored for awhile (perhaps just forgotten), and tonight, on this third date.

We got around to making out in his car and I could not get the idea of us spending the night together out of my head. Nothing sexual or anything, just simply spending the night together.

I feel like I got on his nerves when I asked him about it, and later I asked him if he was sure about "not tonight".

I don't want to rush anything, though when he dropped me off at home, I asked him if we could see each other again this upcoming Sunday night, and he was okay with it.

Maybe I'm overthinking all of this? Maybe we're moving too fast?

[Cridders88]

Did you make it clear to him you weren't expecting anything sexual? Is he quite a shy guy? Perhaps he is feeling a little nervous about spending the night with you. The fact that he has agreed to another date suggests he is still interested . Perhaps he wants to take it slow. I definitely wouldn't push the issue of spending the night together though because it's sounds like he is not ready.

I hope it all works out for you

[Pyromancer]

As far as the texting is concerned...a couple of my friends have the same complaint about me. It's not that I'm ignoring them or indifferent to them...but real life comes first. If I'm at work, with friends, with my bf...that comes first. I was having lunch with a friend the other day and she was talking about a problem in her life...another friend kept texting, nothing important, and I ignored it because I felt like I needed to focus on the woman in front of me. My bf and I never text unless it's necessary...like he's in a situation where he can't talk on the phone and wants me to know he's running late.

...and honestly? If I was on my third date with you and after a little making out you suggested spending the night together, I'd be a little put off. If I'd met you on Grindr and didn't know you that well...all the reassurances in the world about no sex wouldn't quite convince me. And emotionally? Yeah, it's too soon...

I would say, just try to relax and let things develop. Live the real relationship, not one that you construct in your head where not answering texts means something ominous.

No matter where you are in your life, there will always be uncertainties and we all need to learn to cope.

[JohnSomebody]

I totally agree with Cridders88 and Pyromancer's responses to your post...believe it or not..there are some guys still out there who do not like rushing off to bed right away and like to let things happen naturally. You should at this point take it as a compliment and besides...when you asked him if you could see him again...he did not say NO...for now...don't put too much thought into it...JS

[kindy64]

That's the difference between hooking up versus actually dating someone...

I take things much slower with people I want to have a continuing relationship with. If it's a one time thing, just for sex, then that's different.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I don't text. Period.

If I have a telephone, I expect people to call me and talk to me. And yes I may not actually have the phone on me, so at the beep you know what to do.

Not everyone's life orbits their technology. A lot of people still go around all day long without using their 'device'.

He is still interested.

I'm actually surprised that two people managed to use G'rinder and it not become a one night stand with shattered expectations.

I suppose this is one sign of the Apocalypse.

[kindy64]

I don't text. Period.

If I have a telephone, I expect people to call me and talk to me. And yes I may not actually have the phone on me, so at the beep you know what to do.

Not everyone's life orbits their technology. A lot of people still go around all day long without using their 'device'.

He is still interested.

I'm actually surprised that two people managed to use G'rinder and it not become a one night stand with shattered expectations.

I suppose this is one sign of the Apocalypse.

Yeah, same way, I'm not tied to the phone and social media all day. Phone was always something used to arrange a destinations to meet a friend or whatever. Then we'd talk in person.

[LJay]

Agreed about the technology, Bowyn. We need to have lives.

OP, you are overthinking it. Give him respect, time and let him show you his pace. Some guys are OK with sex at first meeting and actually can make a relationship from there, others are different. Have fun discovering this guy's wishes.