So I came out to my brother.....

[blackula88]

I've come to terms with my sexuality a couple years ago. It took me a long time to even say the words I'm gay to myself in the mirror. I turned 29 this year and I'm like damn... i don't want to turn 30 next year and still be in the closet. My family is Jamaican and very religious... so of course it's not easy at all with them. I love them so much and i really don't want to lose them... but I'm tired of living my life for everyone else, but myself. I tend to put everyone's feeling over myself just to make others happy cause I want to avoid confrontation.

My older brother is my best friend from the same mother. We talk damn near every day... so I knew he def would have to be the 1st person to tell. I actually chickened out twice, but then finally told him the other night(honestly it felt like trying to tell ur parents u have a bad report card or some shit). I'm like umm well ahh.. i want to tell u something and um it's not easy for me to say at all.. he was like I have an idea what ur trying to tell me. Then I finally blurted out I'm gay. His response was Jesus Christ finally! Lol so in short he completely supports me and still loves me for me. Even asked if I had a boyfriend and all that shit lol. So anyways he's like well I'm pretty sure our parents have an idea but are in denial.

Mom has been bothering me lately asking me why haven't I given her a grand kid and all the bull shit. I'm getting sick of hearing it and I'm like damn I don't want to tell her I'm gay out of malice. I want to actually sit some where and talk to her about it but damn.. it took me so long just to say I'm gay to myself in the mirror, and to even blurt out the words to my brother who I knew wouldn't have a problem. I'm for some reason terrified to tell her. I guess it's just weird never talking to anyone but myself about this since I was 10, and now bringing this to light is kinda scary.

I mean I told my brother 2 weeks ago and now I'm trying to tell my 2 best friends. I haven't summoned up the courage to tell them for some reason. I keep thinking the worse is gonna happen... well like in the words of my brother, know one really knows I'm gay just cause my personality comes off str8. It also doesn't help that I'm pretty much putting up an act. I mean the only people that can question me are people that known me for a long period of time... Yea eyebrows tend to raise when u don't have a girlfriend in YEARS.

So back to trying to tell my friends. The one day honestly couldn't of been a better time. We usually always chill at my one friends house on the weekends and drink and smoke a lil weed. I refuse to drive drunk so I always share the guest room bed with my other friend. So anyways I walk into this dudes crib and walk in on them and my one friends fiance talking about how happy they were about the gay marriage verdict. We talked about that for awhile and i even brought up how i new a couple of people who were going to the pride parade in nyc.

fast forward to couple hours later. Drunk at this point and my friends fiance she decides to go up to bed. Perfect fucking time to say this.... So i think to myself it's just me and my two best friends I've been friends with for more then half of my life. I of course felt so confident to tell them, but when the perfect time came I fucking completely chickened out. When i went to bed that night I woke up in the middle of the night. I thought I had to puke or something... but no. My heart was pounding in my chest and I felt extreme terror out of no where. This never happened to me before! So sat downstairs by myself for about an hour before i went back upstairs to bed.

I HATE THIS. I wish it didn't have to feel so fucking difficult. The thing is I'm worried more about them thinking I have a thing for them or somethin. Me and one of them always chill... we even share a bed over my friends house all the time. people even joke that we're married or something. The one time we went on vacation with all couples and we shared a room with each other. I don't have any feelings for him in that nature what so ever. He is I'm sure str8.. he's just in a women hating mode after his last break up a couple years ago.

I'm just worried there's gonna be an awkward vibe once they know, and I really don't want that. I mean I could just be over thinking cause I honestly think one of them may have an idea. The one i hang out the most with is book smart but is kinda slow when it comes to worldly things. So I don't think he knows at all. Whatevs at the end of day I just need to man up and talk. I want to get this done before next year.

I actually have another thread I want to write about questionable moments I had with one of my friends. Lol I want to know u guys opinions on that as well as this.

[Cridders88]

Happy for you that your brother was so excepting . Everyone that I came out to was pretty shocked too, no-one knew at all that I am gay. I built it up as a really scary thing just as you're doing but everyone has been supportive. Unfortunately, not everyone is that lucky of course, but it feels so much better not having to hide who you are. Your friends will definitely be fine with it by the sounds of things. Don't beat yourself up about missing an 'ideal' time to tell them, you will tell them when you are ready . You will get there, it may not seem like it at the moment but you will.

Welcome to the forum btw

[Edward]

I wish my brother was that accepting. Ever since I told my brother I'm gay I don't have brother anymore, just a stranger who doesn't even greet me when he happen to meet. You're lucky.

[Camfer]

Congrats on coming out to your brother.

If you don't like coming out to people, just start living your life openly and let people figure it out. Talk about cute guys. Say you're going on a date with a guy. Say you're going to a gay pride event.

Everyone who matters already knows, and they are just being considerate to you by not talking about it. So be open about it and they will be too.

[Pyromancer]

I wish I had seen the look on your face when your brother said, Finally! I'm wondering if your friends are waiting for the announcement too...maybe it wasn't a coincidence that they were speaking out on gay marriage just as you happened to walk in..

My friend Jace kept 'chickening out' on telling people. Finally, he told his closest friend and the guy agreed to back him up...so they went to other friends together with the guy their for support...a couple times, when he sensed that Jace was about to panic, he said, 'Hey, we've got some news to tell you about Jace'...if your brother knows your friends, maybe he'd help out. But in any case, I really think you should talk to your brother about your fears and get his take on everything...he sounds like an amazing guy...

As for your mom...that's a tough one. All I can say, is approach her with love and patience. Try not to get angry or defensive, be calm and act sure of what you're saying...and give her time, try not to judge her no matter what she says...and FYI, being gay doesn't mean you'll never give her grandchildren. Gay couples adopt or use surrogates...

Good luck with all of this man, it's terrifying right now, but when you come out on the other side and can live openly and at peace with who you are, all of this will be worth it...oh, and BTW:

Welcome to the forum!

[ceez]

welcome to the forum, it's great that your brother was so accepting. for a lot of people if we are rejected coming out the first time to someone that important to us it can push us back into the closet. I also have the same fears about coming out to my friends, plus when I was younger I used to "experiment" with one of my close friends so I have no idea how that will go.

[Darius]

You've spent years thinking and worrying about how to tell them and it is making you unhappy. I think you will be surprised that some will accept you, like your brother, and there might be some who won't accept it and it will hurt. Maybe stop anticipating their reactions and just tell them. Once you tell one person, it won't remain a secret for long anyway. So no more overthinking and no more agonizing. That's easy for me to say, isn't it? You are the only who deal with the consequences, right. Just remember you don't want to stay as you are.

BTW, aren't Jamaicans historically pretty homophobic?

[Darius]

I wish my brother was that accepting. Ever since I told my brother I'm gay I don't have brother anymore, just a stranger who doesn't even greet me when he happen to meet. You're lucky.

Edward, I am so sorry for you about your brother. Is he generally an asshole?
I hope he comes around some day. Family can really suck sometimes.

[Edward]

Edward, I am so sorry for you about your brother. Is he generally an asshole?
I hope he comes around some day. Family can really suck sometimes.

Well, if he hasn't came around in 7 years, I doubt it'll ever happen. He's generally intelligent and successful person but hates homosexuals and cannot accept his brother being one. Thanks for your support.

[Darius]

Well, if he hasn't came around in 7 years, I doubt it'll ever happen. He's generally intelligent and successful person but hates homosexuals and cannot accept his brother being one. Thanks for your support.

As a Norwegian-American, I know that Norway has a reputation of being a place filled with tolerant, accepting place, as if no one there is homophobic. That is just not so, is it? How was your relationship before you told him? Where do you think his hatred comes from? I doubt his hatred is limited to homosexuals, however. Hatred usually runs deep and is far reaching.