So I came out to my brother.....

[Edward]

As a Norwegian-American, I know that Norway has a reputation of being a place filled with tolerant, accepting place, as if no one there is homophobic. That is just not so, is it? How was your relationship before you told him? Where do you think his hatred comes from? I doubt his hatred is limited to homosexuals, however. Hatred usually runs deep and is far reaching.

Every country has haters. No place is totally liberal unfortunately.

We had really good relationships before, he was my favorite brother, a role model for me. He has everything one could wish for - successful career, family, children, I don't know why he has to hate. But actually the time when I was worried about his opinion has passed. He wants to alienate himself from me, that's his choice, I can't force him to accept me and luckily, he's not my only sibling.

[MikeW]

....I'm just worried there's gonna be an awkward vibe once they know, and I really don't want that. I mean I could just be over thinking ...

First off, welcome to the forum and congratulations on coming out to your brother... a big first step. Secondly, I agree with [MENTION=20941]Camfer[/MENTION], one way to come out is to just begin *being* who you are. You don't have to say anything or make a big 'statement'. People will figure it out. On the other hand, sometimes we have to actually say the words, "I'm gay," and let the cookie crumble. That's fine too...

For sure don't beat yourself up about not feeling the courage to say those words. Keep in mind it took you a long time to accept this within yourself. Coming out to one's self is *actually* THE first step. Next is coming out to those who you feel close with.

Yes, there is likely to be some "awkwardness" about it. I bet it isn't going to be as bad as you anticipate, though. If your friends were strongly homophobic you'd know this about them already, right? They may have some homo-ignorance (that's different), as most straight people who don't have out gay friends are. So, yeah, some awkwardness is to be expected. BUT the more comfortable you feel with yourself about this, the more comfortable they're going to feel with you as well. If any of them fears you may have a "thing" for them, you can put their mind at ease... You don't. They're your friends, not sex objects, and as you continue just being you however you are, they'll get past the awkwardness and so will you.

Your mom may be a whole other issue... I wouldn't know. Homo-ignorance is kind of a huge thing for a lot of people; they just can't wrap their heads around the whole "gay" thing... and to a degree I understand this. I'm a gay man and have lived out of the closet most of my adult life and there are still a lot of things about "gay" that I don't understand... some I even find down-right repulsive. But that's just me.

Finding and owning your own truth and feeling confident in yourself enough to live that truth... If life is "about" anything, it has to be this. Learning to cover the ground one stands on without fear.

I'm convinced you CAN do it!

[blackula88]

Thanks everyone for all the feed back. Really appreciate it.

First I want to start with @Edward
I'm really sorry about your brother. It bothers me so much when someone can throw a life time of memories away over nonsense. It's been 7 years, but hey times are changing and he may change as well. Don't give up hope on your brother.

@Cridders88
Yea I want to get to that point where I can breathe a breath of fresh air, and be 100% myself around everyone. I just need to get out of my head, because sadly I'm a pessimist. I'm glad everything worked out for u man. Hopefully I'm as lucky.

@Camfer
I debated about doing that.. i remember watching a blogger who said that's what he did and it worked out for him. My issue with that is that I have a huge family (dad has 12 brothers and sisters) and the town we live in isn't the biggest, so word would spread so fast. I have one of those in your face and all up in your business mothers. I just know if she heard about me from anyone else aside from me she would be extremely mad. Example! I'm the youngest aka "the baby" in the family, so when I turned 18 my mom wouldn't stop crying cause she felt that it meant I was gonna move out soon and never look back and totally forget about her and blah blah blah. Pretty much the empty nest syndrome. So when it came time for me to move out, I didn't know how to tell her cause I felt so bad about leaving. So long story short she found out from someone else about me moving out and she made my life a leaving hell for the last month I lived there. Didn't even help me move cause she was so mad she had to hear from someone else but me. The lady is insane. My point is i feel there are a hand full of people I want r tell str8 up, and everyone else can find out on their own cause I don't give 2 fucks what they think.

@Pryomancer
Lol well it was instant tears.. and the crazy part is I never cry. Well he claims he knew for years and pretty much was pushing me to find a girl prior, because he wanted me to use it as a cover up for the family. The crazy part is I find women very attractive. I can look at a pair of breast for hours and a nice ass is awesome on both guys and girls lol... but when it comes down to it I can't imagine myself having sex or being in a relationship with a woman AT ALL. He's very proud of me coming forward with him, he's just more worried about people talking about me then I am. Now that I think of it both of my older brothers have been very protective of me since I was little. Now as for the friend out look. I completely agree with your statement that they could of been saying that to lure me out lol. Believe me when I say I take what people say and over analyze the fuck out of it. There have been other times when my one friend would just bring up random gay rights things out of no where. I'd think he's on to me and is trying to get me to talk, but then I think this is how he's been since I've known him as a kid. He would always bring up current events that are going on in the news. It could be about murder, racist shit, gay rights.. etc the list goes on. He is the friend I think that mite have an idea though, so I think I want to tell him first alone. I think it should be just me and him hanging out this weekend, so I might tell him then. I'm hoping he can then help me tell everyone else.

@ceez
That honestly was my main fear. If it went wrong with my brother, I def would of just shut down completely.

@Darius
Yea I know. I can't think for others, but I keep fucking doing it and I hate it lol. That's the main thing holding my ass back and I need to stop. Oh and yes to the Jamaican thing. I grew up with a family who would talk down about homosexuality all the fucking time like that was the only thing to talk about. As time gone by a lot of family members aren't as ignorant as they use to be which is a huge plus. My mom even made friends with a lesbian girl at her job. She would talk about how awesome she is but talk down about her sexuality all the damn time.

@MikeW
Yea I mean the main thing I'm worried about is being treated any different. It's just me over thinking as usual cause I'm sure like u said the awkwardness will subside. They're awesome friends and I'm closer to them than most of my family. As for my mom she's been getting a lot better with things, but she's one of those people that when she believes something it's like impossible to make her change her mind.

[LJay]

Give it a little time and don't feel that you must out yourself to everyone at once. As for your mother, perhaps you can talk it over with our brother and ask him to just listen. You have been a long time coming to this point and having someone like your brother to hear you speak of your journey is part of the process of coming out. You are not alone with this any more.

[blackula88]

Weird I wrote a long post replying to everyone hours ago and it still hasn't posted on here

[LJay]

Because you ae new and have less than 50 posts, some of them will be set aside. This is to weed out trolls. After 50 posts you are not apt to see this.

[MikeW]

Weird I wrote a long post replying to everyone hours ago and it still hasn't posted on here

Yeah, that's just troll defense built into the system. It will show up eventually and once you have 50 posts that won't happen.

[blackula88]

Oh ok.. dear lord I was about to be extremely pissed cause it took me forever to write that shit lol. Thanks for the info guys

[TwisttheLeaf]

Welcome to the forum and congrats on coming out to your brother.

I really like [MENTION=20941]Camfer[/MENTION]'s advice. I have never been in the closet, but by living my life in the way that Camfer has described, it has always helped in not having to turn around and say to someone "hey, I'm gay". I mean, I could. But if they can't figure it out on their own when I'm not making an effort to hide anything, then IMO that isn't my problem.

[Camfer]

Weird I wrote a long post replying to everyone hours ago and it still hasn't posted on here

Go to the Word Games. Post 47 more times in there. An easy one in there is Longest Posting Streak. But beware of CellDwell.