Are You Truly Eligible For A Successful Relationship?

[Anocxu]

Hey Guys..
After making Meridian upset yesterday... (apologies again)
I figured I should be more productive on GS..instead of playing class clown..

Most of us here are single..

Most of us (single) are hoping to find a significant other.. wheather actively seeking or not.

These are my questions..

A) How do you know if you are eligible or capable of sustaining a healthy relationship?

B) If you have a history of unsuccessful relationships ... Is it wise to continue dating?
(I have stopped completely)

C) Are you capable of unconditional love?
And...
How do you know that you are capable of unconditional love?

This is my First thread of 'substance..' I hope it goes well.

[East]

Well...I am not single but I used to be...and I know "my" answers....

A) How do you know if you are eligible or capable of sustaining a healthy relationship?

You don't. There are no guarantees. It helps to be present and show up for your life...and after that...it is all about how you approach the journey....individually and as a couple...and how willing you are to grow...as an individual and a couple.....

Everything must change...as the song says..the young become the old..and mysteries do unfold...,..and they do...so how you deal with it and adapt to life's circumstances will determine your capability of having a healthy relationship with yourself..and with someone else...

B) If you have a history of unsuccessful relationships ... Is it wise to continue dating?
(I have stopped completely)

It is wise to take some time to get the know yourself and develop a relationship with yourself...

I never dated...UGH. I don't want to see someone put their best foot forward. I will "date" you after I fuck you if I like you....and me and my BF dated probably a year AFTER we were a couple...almost every day. We still "date" today. I would rather date someone I already love ...or like... If I don't know you...no chance of me ever dating you....always been that way....

C) Are you capable of unconditional love?
And...
How do you know that you are capable of unconditional love?

Yes...I am. I had no idea if I was or not...until I realized I unconditionally loved someone else...and it is a definite blessing...and something you should strive for if possible. Unconditionally loving someone else...and unconditionally loving yourself. It is brilliant..and will make you happy that you were alive to experience it.

This is my First thread of 'substance..' I hope it goes well.

A lot of things you say have substance.....

[matty7]

seen as you have gone to the trouble of posting your first thread of substance Anocxu I feel obliged to give your questionnaire a go and answer as honestly as I can

A) How do you know if you are eligible or capable of sustaining a healthy relationship? I don't know tbh , but I would try with all my heart - a quality im proud of is im very loyal and unless the other half was unfaithful I know I wouldn't be wandering looking for something outside the relationship - at my age now though I realise I would have to make compromises as ive sort of got a routine of what I like and want to do so I would need some re training like dog you got from the kennels lol

B) If you have a history of unsuccessful relationships ... Is it wise to continue dating?
(I have stopped completely)

why stop trying - you may find that needle in a haystack that gets you and understands you for all your faults as well as you qualities

C) Are you capable of unconditional love?
And...
How do you know that you are capable of unconditional love?

absolutely - I would give my last penny to anyone if it helped them more than me, im pretty selfless without wanting anything in return, if I care for a person then its for life in my book...

did I pass ????

Anocxu - hope your still gonna mix this new found sensibility with your humour too, I do need to smile you know

[Anocxu]

Well...I am not single but I used to be...and I know "my" answers....

A) How do you know if you are eligible or capable of sustaining a healthy relationship?

You don't. There are no guarantees. It helps to be present and show up for your life...and after that...it is all about how you approach the journey....individually and as a couple...and how willing you are to grow...as an individual and a couple.....

Everything must change...as the song says..the young become the old..and mysteries do unfold...,..and they do...so how you deal with it and adapt to life's circumstances will determine your capability of having a healthy relationship with yourself..and with someone else...

B) If you have a history of unsuccessful relationships ... Is it wise to continue dating?
(I have stopped completely)

It is wise to take some time to get the know yourself and develop a relationship with yourself...

I never dated...UGH. I don't want to see someone put their best foot forward. I will "date" you after I fuck you if I like you....and me and my BF dated probably a year AFTER we were a couple...almost every day. We still "date" today. I would rather date someone I already love ...or like... If I don't know you...no chance of me ever dating you....always been that way....

C) Are you capable of unconditional love?
And...
How do you know that you are capable of unconditional love?

Yes...I am. I had no idea if I was or not...until I realized I unconditionally loved someone else...and it is a definite blessing...and something you should strive for if possible. Unconditionally loving someone else...and unconditionally loving yourself. It is brilliant..and will make you happy that you were alive to experience it.

This is my First thread of 'substance..' I hope it goes well.

A lot of things you say have substance.....

I love your post East..
The reason I made this thread ...
I learned from a few wise pros that..'Not everyone is capable of love'

Most people have their own version of what love is and what it should be.

Even worse...
Most of us are not capable of unconditional love,
Most of us have no idea what it is...
^^^^
After learning these things I am still traumatized.

Imagine this...
1) Finding a person to date is difficult...

2) Dating is difficult...

3) Now I am learning ..
Technically.. you should be clever enough to figure out if the person you are dating is "Eligible" or has what it takes to sustain a relationship.

I'm learning if 2 people in a relationship have not considered all the above and are not willing to compromise and build into solid values..

The relationship is doomed from the start.

I have a headache.
Thanks East..

[Anocxu]

seen as you have gone to the trouble of posting your first thread of substance Anocxu I feel obliged to give your questionnaire a go and answer as honestly as I can

A) How do you know if you are eligible or capable of sustaining a healthy relationship? I don't know tbh , but I would try with all my heart - a quality im proud of is im very loyal and unless the other half was unfaithful I know I wouldn't be wandering looking for something outside the relationship - at my age now though I realise I would have to make compromises as ive sort of got a routine of what I like and want to do so I would need some re training like dog you got from the kennels lol

B) If you have a history of unsuccessful relationships ... Is it wise to continue dating?
(I have stopped completely)

why stop trying - you may find that needle in a haystack that gets you and understands you for all your faults as well as you qualities

C) Are you capable of unconditional love?
And...
How do you know that you are capable of unconditional love?

absolutely - I would give my last penny to anyone if it helped them more than me, im pretty selfless without wanting anything in return, if I care for a person then its for life in my book...

did I pass ????

Anocxu - hope your still gonna mix this new found sensibility with your humour too, I do need to smile you know

Lol..
Matty..
You seem very solid in everything you say and your consistency confirms it...

This thread is really to force self searching...

I have been doing it non stop and it's refreshing to hear the responses from you and east.

Do you think this topic is just apeshit crazy..
Or is it too deep ?....deeper than a blue whale's vagina?

Your confidence is inspiring Matty..
I hope you find him or he finds you...

[matty7]

Do you think this topic is just apeshit crazy..
Or is it too deep ?....deeper than a blue whale's vagina? its actually a great thread if people are honest - and thx for your reply - I know who I am as a person and I know my shyness is my downfall with strangers - with friends im the exact opposite,,,, work that one out lol - but you have just posted 3 great questions so thank you mate

[East]

I love your post East..
The reason I made this thread ...
I learned from a few wise pros that..'Not everyone is capable of love'

Most people have their own version of what love is and what it should be.

Even worse...
Most of us are not capable of unconditional love,
Most of us have no idea what it is...

I am not so sure that is true...unless maybe the person is a sociopath...or a psychopath..and even then...they may still be capable on some level I suppose...not really sure

It is true that it is up to each person to define love...not sure if a universal definition even exists...and that might be part of the problem a lot of people face...measuring themselves by other people's standards instead of setting their own...

What unconditional love means to me...accepting a person exactly as they are and loving them completely...their good parts....bad parts...dark side...defenses...all the good and bad equally....

Love will bring you to yoru knees...and bring you to every emotion's doorway...the highest and the lowest place...they are are equal....and when you can accept your own dark side...your own faults...your own "messy crap"....you can accept it in the person you love...

...and getting to that place means you have to challenge yourself to let go...not try to control what you can't...and to accept a person for who and what they are..not what you want them to be....

...and on that path...you will be opening the capacity to love yourself unconditionally as well....
^^^^

After learning these things I am still traumatized.

Imagine this...
1) Finding a person to date is difficult...

2) Dating is difficult...

3) Now I am learning ..
Technically.. you should be clever enough to figure out if the person you are dating is "Eligible" or has what it takes to sustain a relationship.

I'm learning if 2 people in a relationship has not considered all the above and are not willing to compromise and build into solid values..

The relationship is doomed from the start.

I have a headache.
Thanks East..

Take an aspirin...and then a deep breath!

...and get to know what it is you find unacceptable...and avoid that quality in a person...period....

I was - still am - difficult as hell for a lot of people. I have a mind of my own and I will say what I think and I have a TON of deal breakers so it is funny how I managed to find love...a 30 year relationship...especially when I was trying to AVOID a relationship. I LOVED being single....never once said to myself that I wanted a relationship...yet I had four of them ...LOL...

Oh yeah...I think dating SUCKS. I would tell guys who I went met that there was no way I was gonna date them until I fucked them because how the hell am I gonna know if I even like them? Besides...once you have seen a man naked and looked in his eyes when he was having an orgasm...and kissed him hard when he was having it...they don't tend to lie as much on a date...and it is a lot more fun...plus you can get laid twice ...before AND after the "date" LOL
________________________________________________________________________________

On a more serious note in general...if you have had traumatic events in your past that you have not come to terms with and healed yourself..it will severely affect your ability to let go...and love...

..and a lot of people have this..and maybe that is why some people think some people aren't capable of love...BUT if they are capable of healing themselves...they are capable of loving themselves...and then...loving someone else....

...and had I not tackled this many years ago...I would have never been capable of being where or who I am today....

[Anocxu]

Do you think this topic is just apeshit crazy..
Or is it too deep ?....deeper than a blue whale's vagina? its actually a great thread if people are honest - and thx for your reply - I know who I am as a person and I know my shyness is my downfall with strangers - with friends im the exact opposite,,,, work that one out lol - but you have just posted 3 great questions so thank you mate

You're welcome Matty..
Odly enough shyness is a quality of mine that I have loved and embraced over the years...

I am very attracted to guys that are shy ...
The minute you get a shy guy to relax around you it's usually a clear indication that things are going well.

Shy guys are less likely to be manipulative and usually have a good reason to be shy by character definition.

Bold over confident guys usually turn me off..
Shy guys that spurt confidence exactly when needed ....Gets me moist!
(Drip)

Despite being shy you seem to know who you are and what you need.

Think about it this way...
way...

Is it Matty that is shy...
Or is his environment bold?

I shall stalk you on scruff soon..:-P

[Anocxu]

I am not so sure that is true...unless maybe the person is a sociopath...or a psychopath..and even then...they may still be capable on some level I suppose...not really sure

It is true that it is up to each person to define love...not sure if a universal definition even exists...and that might be part of the problem a lot of people face...measuring themselves by other people's standards instead of setting their own...

What unconditional love means to me...accepting a person exactly as they are and loving them completely...their good parts....bad parts...dark side...defenses...all the good and bad equally....

Love will bring you to every emotion's doorway...the highest and the lowest place...they are are equal....and when you can accept your own dark side...yoru own faults...you own "messy crap"....you can accept it in the person you love...

...and getting to that place means you have to challenge yourself to let go...not try to control what you can't...and to accept a person for who and what they are..not what you want them to be....

...and on that path...you will be opening the capacity to love yourself unconditionally as well....
^^^^


Take an aspirin...and then a deep breath!

...and get to know what it is you find unacceptable...and avoid that quality in a person...period....

I was - still am - difficult as hell for a lot of people. I have a mind of my own and I will say what I think and I have a TON of deal breakers so it is funny how I managed to find love...a 30 year relationship...especially when I was trying to AVOID a relationship. I LOVED being single....never once said to myself that I wanted a relationship...yet I had four of them ...LOL...

Oh yeah...I think dating SUCKS. I would tell guys who I went met that there was no way I was gonna date them until I fucked them because how the hell am I gonna know if I even like them? Besides...once you have seen a man naked and looked in his eyes when he was having an orgasm...and kissed him hard when he was having it...they don't tend to lie as much on a date...and it is a lot more fun...plus you can get laid twice ...before AND after the "date" LOL
________________________________________________________________________________

On a more serious note in general...if you have had traumatic events in your past that you have not come to terms with and healed yourself..it will severely affect your ability to let go...and love...

..and a lot of people have this..and maybe that is why some people think some people aren't capable of love...BUT if they are capable of healing themselves...they are capable of loving themselves...and then...loving someone else....

...and had I not tackled this many years ago...I would have never been capable of being where or who I am today....

Unfortunately the info I got from those shrinks was correct in my opinion...

Just to confirm it..
If most people were capable of unconditional love there wouldn't be the number of nasty divorces that exist...

Couples get together..they split ..and so many are instant enemies.
^^^
This is when the lack of unconditional love becomes apparent..

"Our Own Definition of love"...
This topic has grazed my ears so many times.

I call it "love in Purgatory"..

When people think they love each other...
Then life reveals otherwise...

After reading your post I am realizing the reason i've had issues in past relationships was based on the "Type of love I was getting " which seemed to be everything but unconditional.

Thanks East.

[East]

After reading your post I am realizing the reason i've had issues in past relationships was based on the "Type of love I was getting " which seemed to be everything but unconditional.

Thanks East.

One thing I have found out...most recently..is that "truth" is so damn simple...I am embarrassed how far down the road I took it.....

...and the guy with THE definitive answer to everything that you have brought up is RuPaul...seriously...he nailed it....




^^^everything you need to unlock what eludes you is right there^^^