I dunno - I've been in a relationship with an equal for almost two decades. He cooks because he's better at it. I clean because I don't mind doing it. There's disagreements once in a while, and what I would call "good-natured ribbing" from time to time. But there's no jockeying for position, or attempts to establish dominance, or anything like that. And the sex is still damn awesome. I don't give any thought to "who wears the pants" because we're usually busy taking them off.
But hey - way to turn your request for advice to a primer on how we're the ones doing it wrong. 
Lex
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TwisttheLeaf Wrote:Okay so... you don't make this clear, which means I need to ask before I can give my perception and an answer to your questions yeah?
Is the violence consentual? Is it something that gets you hot? Do you taunt him specifically go -get- the violence going because it's hot for you?
I know most probably wouldn't go there with it, but the fact is? Gid and I like violence. I punch him in the nose, he puts me into a wall. It turns into some seriously HOT sex. It's all good.
But if he put his hands on me in anger? I'd cut off his dick and pickle it in a jar, AFTER having made a pincushion out of him with an icepick.
See the difference?
This I agree with in a LOT of ways.
He is BIG and I will say I don't find men that are shorter, skinny, young, weaker, etc than me unattractive. If you cant take me down then I don't look at you. So yes, in part I agree with this "aggression is sexy" thing big time, but boundaries are hazy. This is really great feedback and is giving me a lot to think about!
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Spinz Wrote:This I agree with in a LOT of ways.
He is BIG and I will say I don't find men that are shorter, skinny, young, weaker, etc than me unattractive. If you cant take me down then I don't look at you. So yes, in part I agree with this "aggression is sexy" thing big time, but boundaries are hazy. This is really great feedback and is giving me a lot to think about!
*Chuckles* I definitely can't take Gid down. Okay, I could, but only if I was willing to use lethal violence to do it. Which I'm definitely not. BUT, the violence is still hot. Just saying.
From what you say, it sounds like that 'blur in the boundaries' is the issue then, yeah? Maybe you need to sit down and have a serious consideration on where the lines are between "okay" and "not okay"..... then sit down with him and hash those lines out so they are better defined and you both understand -why- they are there.
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*Eyes Twist and gives a slow, slow grin*
Come and take me, babyboy...the walls could really use a little shaking, It's been awhile, yeah?
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Spinz Wrote:Alphas do exist. Not going to argue an obvious fact. It's everywhere. Don't believe me, ask your boss.
it's only in your mindset that it exists. not in real life.
and i don't have a boss.
''Do I look civilized to you?''
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Alpha-Dominant-Top(not your position in bed)
Definitely exists for me, Spinz. I get what you're saying...put two bulls in the pen and they're going to lock horns, yeah? Makes perfect sense to me.
Fight hard, play hard, love hard...and fuck like there's no tomorrow. Just make sure that it's all in the right mindset and it doesn't turn into abuse. Twist's advise is excellent...even if I am biased like that.
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[MENTION=20738]TwisttheLeaf[/MENTION]
Sound advice. I will do just that.
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it sounds like you have taken the alpha male rule book literally , yes you are both big guys but violence is not really a show of love , I do understand the attraction people have if they are into domination or to be dominated but getting thrown through a wall is overstepping any line that you can lay down - I hope you start to put a stop to this extreme behaviour because even a big guy can suffer a fractured skull if his partner cannot control himself - you do come across as happy in your relationship and do enjoy the ruff and tumble edge to your life together...but the you need to address the bounderies
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The first bf I had who was much older was great looking and very sexual but would attack me verbally to say the least. The thing with him was that because I was young and had just been abandoned by my family...he felt that all I had was him and wanted me to quit my job, let go of my friends at the time and just live for him and him alone. He wanted me to cook...which I learned how by watching TV cooking shows, keep the house clean...and to be in bed naked and waiting for him when he came home from his day. Furthermore, he would go out with his friend from time to time but I was not aloud to and if I did decide to defy his wishes...he would get so pissed at me that he would not talk to me for a couple of days. When he did begin to talk to me again..he would always make attempts to fill my head with talk to lower my self esteem in order to make me feel or realize that he was the most important person in my life and no one else...and yet..he was not only very possessive, very insecure and insanely jealous of anyone who held a conversation with me whenever we rarely went out in public. Needless to say that this sort of behavior was something that I was not used to since I was always very independent and yet for me to adapt to this behavior just to make him happy would bother me a lot from time to time. One day...I just got so fed up with everything..that I got up, got dressed in a business suit with my resume portfolio with the pursuit of finding a job and getting my life back to the individual that I was before. When he saw me getting ready...he did question me about what I was doing and once he found out...he laughed and told me that I was wasting my time. I love a challenge and I told him that I would have a job when I return. He laughed even harder after that remark.
To my dismay, I walked into this huge office building and when one of the men got off on this floor with plush offices...I decided to get off as well. I went up to the receptionist and told her that I was looking for employment. She asked to look at my portfolio and she found it to be very impressive. She was however very concerned about why I took so much time off from working and what happened to me during that time? I immediately made up this lie that was so convincing...thanks for quit thinking...that she had me take a seat. The human resource manager had asked me to come to her office. We chatted for awhile and she wondered what made me come to their offices and seek employment? I explained to her that I just got out of a really bad situation and I just took a chance on inquiring at their offices when I saw a guy get off the elevator. I just knew that she was not going to hire me and yet to my surprise...she did and offered me a very nice position as an Assistant Manager in the Financial Dept. that they were getting ready to advertise for employment. She wanted me to start the following Monday morning.
I was so surprised and happy at the same time...I could not believe that I stepped out on faith with awesome results from doing so. When I got home and I told my bf ...he immediately got upset and told me that if I did not call and decline the job that he wanted me to move out and he would end the relationship altogether. I contacted one of my friends and I moved in with him immediately. My bf could not believe that I was actually moving out that he began to beg me to stay. However, my mind was made up and I knew it was time to end this farce altogether. This is when I came to realize that I was not that young, vulnerable guy anymore and that I have grown in so many ways and it was time for new beginnings and a new life for me and to leave this one totally behind me and to this day...I am so glad that I did. To conclude...you never let anyone treat you in such a way ...and to realize your worth and know that you can do better and someone out there would love to have someone like you in their life without all that b.s.
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Abuse is abuse. As the years progress I take less and less abuse and the line I chiseled in stone gets set further and further to limit the kind, time and number of abuse.
Personally the first time he laid hands on me in violence would be the breaking point. I'm now at the age and the health with sufficient knowledge of toxic teas where if there is a next and he shows any sign of abuse I make him sufficient tea to put him in the grave.
See there are two ways victims of abuse act/react.
1. They let is slide and explain it away, make excuses and let it continue.
2. They blow a circuit and the next thing they know they are taking a quiet walk in the woods dragging a body behind them - very relaxing.
As for abusers, few actually change and that is largely due to them blaming the victim for 'making them angry''. So they never see themselves at fault and make changes.
And yes, let me point out that you are old and getting another relationship at your age is going to be hard - but is it harder than being killed or committing murder?
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Confused about how he treats me
