Confused about how he treats me

[Spinz]

Okay, this might be me blowing off steam or me with a serious problem.

I have a BF that is about 7-8" taller and about 70 lbs heavier than me. He's BIG and muscular. Thing is, he will put his finger in my face, slap my phone or tablet out of my hands, push me around, he's slammed me into walls and they've caved in, and once he's actually hurt me.

Now I'm no small man. We were both lifters and body builders once. I'm the bug guy you see at the gym and he's the walking wall that Tokyo fears when he comes out the water

I know I'm an asshole. I taunt him and irritate him. He expects me to do feminine thinks like cook, clean and laundry, serve food and pet his head and be his bitch. Yes, it's gender bs and yes I'm ignorant and intolerant. I am bi all my life and stuck it out with women. I've only dated and had sex with two men in my 47 yrs. but I've only dated six women. I am good at long term relationships.

But I transgress. If I complain about his behavior, he turns it on me. If I say something's unfair, somehow I m at fault. In argue kente he brings up my family, daughter, mother, ex'es, friends whomever, just to win the argument. It's stupid and he ends up losing every time because he's got few to no relationship skills, but it's beyond annoying. He's not a grown up AT ALL! I'm the only adult in the relationship. He does what he wants, when he wants and I have to shut up about it.

We are both alphas. I know that's not great but it's true. I am a bottom but I am the boss and people follow me because I lead with maturity, integrity and bold strength. Just because I like taking dick doesn't mean I've go to do anything I don't agree with. I am not a follower.

So I don't know what I am looking for in the way of advice, but I sure would like to here what you all think.

[East]

So...what is your dealbreaker?

The one abusive guy I was with....I took the emotional and mental abuse...but the one time he tried to strangle me..I lifted him up by his neck and held him against the wall so I looked right into his fucking eyes.... and told him really calmly...and really sincerely.,...that if he ever touched me again like that....I would kill him...

I meant it. He knew it. He never touched me again. I almost wish he had...

My reaction was swift....immediate...and so I found out what my dealbreaker was accidentally....and it was...and will always be...a dealbreaker for me.

....I don't know him..or you...but from just what you wrote here...it sounds like he likes to win....at everything. My dad was like that. He loved his stupid bumpersticker..He who dies with the most toys wins ....and I would argue that he who dies with the most toys..uh...they just die....like everyone else...and no one gives a shit about their fucking toys....except maybe the people at the garage sale...

One more thing to consider....not only alpha males...pretty much every type of man or woman has their own challenges and positive/negative qualities...and quite often the things that turn us off the most also turn us on the most.......

[Anocxu]

Your opening post confused me as to how you could be confused.

"Fire and Gasoline."

Iron out the contradictions..
You said you lead with maturity... yet you taunt , provoke and aggregate him...You get verbal... he gets physical..

Cooking and cleaning is not your thing?
Both of you eat and make messes.. split the chores or hire help...There is no need for chaos...

[Rareboy]

You both sound like a bit of a mess to be perfectly honest.

I have to assume that neither of you had much training or guidance from your own parents or other family members with respect to managing your own household and relationships.

Unfortunately at your age, it sounds like old dogs and new tricks....one doubts if either of you can learn much at this point.

Assuming that steroids are not part of the problem here, it is obvious that your bf needs some anger management counselling and it sounds like you might benefit from going with him in order to learn why you like to prod him into anger and physical abuse.

I assume the sex is hot though.

[rado84]

Spinz, if I were would break up with him immediately! None of my partners have ever been aggressive but if someone hits me even once, I'll make his life miserable in many ways, one of which is my favorite - flood his network and leave him disconnected from the world for a very long period of time. Aaand... there are other, physical, ways to make him regret it.

[Darius]

Sounds like a mess.

[meridannight]

there's no such thing as being an alpha. you two aren't living as a pack of lions hunting food in the wild and watching over your pride (the pride is a group of lions living together, so to say, in case you didn't know). there's no such thing as one being the leader and the other being the follower. get that labeling out of your system. you're not gonna have any relationship survive if you keep thinking on those terms.

besides that -- the guy doesn't treat you with respect or care. frankly, he treats you like complete shit. it's your call whether to put up with it or not. i can only tell you that i wouldn't. i would end the relationship.

and neither of you have any idea on how to lead. it seems like you're both stuck in the mindset of never having to give an inch and always come out on top even if it means asserting yourself by slapping the phone out of the other's hand. leader? that's childish temper tantrum befitting a 1-year-old. how old are you two again?

[TwisttheLeaf]

Okay so... you don't make this clear, which means I need to ask before I can give my perception and an answer to your questions yeah?

Is the violence consentual? Is it something that gets you hot? Do you taunt him specifically go -get- the violence going because it's hot for you?

I know most probably wouldn't go there with it, but the fact is? Gid and I like violence. I punch him in the nose, he puts me into a wall. It turns into some seriously HOT sex. It's all good.

But if he put his hands on me in anger? I'd cut off his dick and pickle it in a jar, AFTER having made a pincushion out of him with an icepick.

See the difference?

[Spinz]

Wow, lots of input here.

I will start by saying that I've learned a few things from reading the posts.

Yes, we are big man-children, infantile and without any real structure or rule in how we treat each other. That's why we have so much fun together. We actual PLAY. And we play on many maturity levels. We're not one dimetional character. We bring our full selves to the table.

The remainder of this was a lot of caddy negativity, from what I'm guessing stems from you own past(s). So I won't bother to address it.

I think relationships stem from siblings, family and friends. I've fought with all of them throughout my life. Why would I expect to not be a brother, friend and family to this man? I wonder if you've considered that?

I'm 47 years old but with him I can act like we're five, we hold hands and skip, play and dance, daily. But we fight. I should have added that fullness in the first post. I guess I took the idea for granted that I was in it for positive reasons too. I think the dips sue isn't fighting. I honestly do not understand how men DON'T fight. Real life has a hierarchy. Alphas do exist. Not going to argue an obvious fact. It's everywhere. Don't believe me, ask your boss.

[ShiftyNJ]

Well you said it yourself. He's an alpha too and--in his world--that apparently means being waited on and relating to others in an immature way and getting away with it.

Only you can decide if the rest of it makes living with this worth it. None of that would be for me, but I'm not the one living it.