I love two men.... Can't pick one. Help please

[Cridders88]

Blimey, this is a mess . Despite his ex being a psycho, he clearly is not over him. He is definitely not ready for a new relationship, which I believe he has alluded to before. This guy clearly has some issues which are now becoming more apparent, this guy did however, warn you that he was worried about hurting you. That of course, doesn't make it any better, but he is fulfilling that prophecy for sure .

I can't see this situation changing soon. You need to tell him how him discussing his ex is really hurting you, and to tell him perhaps you should cool things until he is fully over his ex. See what he says. At the moment however, alarm bells are ringing, and I can only see more hurt for you. If he truly loves you, and only you, he wouldn't be telling you he misses his ex. It's a tough thing to do, but I think you need to cool it with him until he sorts himself out and decides what he wants. Because from what you've said, it doesn't seem he is sure he wants the same thing as you. Communication is key here.

Best of luck whatever you decide to do

[Virge]

I don't have much of anything to sat now I didn't say on the other end of this thread.

You're in a pit of drama you've created for yourself but you don't see that yet. None of this is going to work out the ways you fantasize. There's fantasy and there's reality. Anytime the two of them happen to turn out resembling each other it's pure coincidence.

Plus you don't sound mature enough for a solid relationship.

But don't take our word for it... Go ahead and do it all your way... then come back and wail about how everything fucked up and the only one who's not at fault is you...

There aren't too many variations on theme.

Besides that, looking back over the posts done here I'm a bit put out over so many people trying to give you solid advice that you seem to have ignored.

Now you're back wanting to have a drama party about this all turning into a disaster?

Count me out.
I'm getting better about knowing how and when not to throw jewels where they'll be trampled... metaphorically speaking.

I wish you luck growing up.

[Camfer]

Hey youngw27, I think what stands out the most in your latest chapter is your expectation that someone/anyone is supposed to drop everything and leap to your rescue when you're having some interior emotional turmoil. You probably will never have a successful relationship if you cling to this expectation.

So yes, to answer your question, you were indeed over-reacting to a very large degree.

You asked for let's say a night, then an hour, then five minutes. You got a consistent answer every time. If you say anything to this guy about his clear boundaries he set during your latest angst, maybe you could tell him thanks for not giving into your emotional demands and for forcing you to deal with your thought storm on your own.

Part of being a mature adult is owning your crap and not pulling others into it as much as possible. Maybe it will prove useful for you to have some reflection about developing your inner strength and how to deal with your emotions without pulling others into it. If you do achieve this, others might see it as one of your positive character traits. You bring your best self forward and work on the worst stuff on your own or with the help of a professional.

So yeah the whole story of being a damsel in distress and someone being your knight in shining armor is a children's fairy tale to leave behind. Today and for ever more.

I figured this out at age 16. Some people never figure it out. Around here we call them psychic vampires. They push their stuff out onto others and then feed upon them. If you figure this out now, and stop it, it could make life so much better for you. Please consider it.