Will it all work out?

[cavillr]

I'm a crazy combo of, well - socially awkward, academically accomplishing, not really attractive, gay (surprise!), introvert. Somehow I'm getting the feeling that I'd better learn to be romantically alone as well..

That doesn't mean that I haven't ever made meaningful human relationships (with straight women and straight men). I have (symmetrical relationships I mean). But the number has been so minuscule compared to the number of people I've met, that it's beyond me how I could be happy with someone else, or just be happy the way other people are. I find it painful quite often how others enjoy so nonchalantly simple things like social relationships when I generally find it a chore of sorts. I've tried convincing myself that I can enjoy being an introvert and science the way others probably can't, but this well dries up quick.

I realize now that I'm rambling, but the question is - how has life worked out for anyone similar?

[Virge]

I'm not going to be much help to you. I'm a loud hyperactive extroverted prankster. I hope you get it figured out. Now I'll go sit in the corner and behave and not make things rough on you before the experts get here.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

My magic 8 ball says "question hazy, ask again later."

Honestly, no one can tell you what will happen to you. Never know,l crossing the street on the way to work or school you will be ran down by a trash truck and your life story ends there.

OR you could be standing in line at starbucks ordering your unamerican Coffee and the guy right behind you falls immediately and forever in love with you because you asked for extra cinnamon with your double venti venta whatever its called....


That is pretty much how life works - no one knows the future, anything is possible -
All the factors you think matter don't - introverts, extroverts whatever-verts find love - or not - fate, destinty, whatever is in charge of such random factors is the ultimate decider.



I'm an introvert, a little easy on the eye with 'issues' and have managed to land up going through 6 boughts of hell - erm I mean gotten into 6 partnerships with mixed results. At this time in my life, with my lengthinging list of ailments I have opted out of relationships - but still get hit on all the damned time by guys who want to take the chance.

Not because I'm an extrovert, not because I'm a hot chippendale model - mostly because
(and I will kill you if you repeat this to anyone) I'm a rather charitable, nice fella who has empathy and tries to be a good guy - my personality is "attractive" enough to get 20-something year olds wanting to do the two back beast and try a relationship with me - no matter how much I wave my cane and scream at them to get off my lawn.

You're 21 - you are not as unattractive as you think you are. You got decades of time before you (unless that trash truck is your destiny).

As for social settings - you will learn enough to deal with small doses of unruly mobs of people and find someone (or they will find you) - you just need to be patient.

[cavillr]

My magic 8 ball says "question hazy, ask again later."

Honestly, no one can tell you what will happen to you. Never know,l crossing the street on the way to work or school you will be ran down by a trash truck and your life story ends there.

OR you could be standing in line at starbucks ordering your unamerican Coffee and the guy right behind you falls immediately and forever in love with you because you asked for extra cinnamon with your double venti venta whatever its called....


That is pretty much how life works - no one knows the future, anything is possible -
All the factors you think matter don't - introverts, extroverts whatever-verts find love - or not - fate, destinty, whatever is in charge of such random factors is the ultimate decider.



I'm an introvert, a little easy on the eye with 'issues' and have managed to land up going through 6 boughts of hell - erm I mean gotten into 6 partnerships with mixed results. At this time in my life, with my lengthinging list of ailments I have opted out of relationships - but still get hit on all the damned time by guys who want to take the chance.

Not because I'm an extrovert, not because I'm a hot chippendale model - mostly because
(and I will kill you if you repeat this to anyone) I'm a rather charitable, nice fella who has empathy and tries to be a good guy - my personality is "attractive" enough to get 20-something year olds wanting to do the two back beast and try a relationship with me - no matter how much I wave my cane and scream at them to get off my lawn.

You're 21 - you are not as unattractive as you think you are. You got decades of time before you (unless that trash truck is your destiny).

As for social settings - you will learn enough to deal with small doses of unruly mobs of people and find someone (or they will find you) - you just need to be patient.

Hoping that trash truck isn't really the way it all goes done, but I get the idea Thanks a bunch!

[TwisttheLeaf]

I'm a crazy combo of, well - socially awkward, academically accomplishing, not really attractive, gay (surprise!), introvert. Somehow I'm getting the feeling that I'd better learn to be romantically alone as well.

I think it's always good to find happiness in being alone. To be self-sustaining and accepting of yourself, and that independence. I see so many that HAVE to be with someone ALL the time, that CAN'T be alone. And really, it's kind of a miserable thing, yeah? Because we all go through stages in our lives where we're alone. It shouldn't be some form of torture, yet some see it that way.

it's beyond me how I could be happy with someone else, or just be happy the way other people are.

This line makes me wonder if what you are asking in this thread is because you think you -should- want to be with someone, instead of really wanting to be with someone.

There's nothing wrong with enjoying one's solitude. There's nothing wrong with liking being single.

I find it painful quite often how others enjoy so nonchalantly simple things like social relationships when I generally find it a chore of sorts.

I relate to this quite a lot. If I am entirely honest, I don't put a lot of effort into friendships. I'm not sure if this is me having a lack of social graces (possible), or the fact I'm self-sustaining to the point that I usually don't feel I need others (possible), or..... hell, a dislike for society? Maybe all or none of those. But, those friends I have, I have because they are persistent. They -want- to be around me, and so they make the effort.

This means I don't have many, because most people don't want to take the effort, and that's ok with me. I only need one or two. The most surprising of which is one particular friend who, for some odd reason, he goes out of his way to make sure we don't lose contact no matter what, even when I refuse his suggestions to spend time repeatedly, yeah? I don't see the benefit he gets from our friendship, but clearly he must get one, since he continues to work relatively hard at befriending me even when I'm at my worst. He's entirely straight, and there is no vibe of attraction, so I have no idea what keeps him as my friend, although I admit I'm grateful he is.

How has life worked out for anyone similar?

When I was single, I used to "fake it til you make it". I faked being social to get laid every once in a while. I turned it on, mimicked others, then turned it back off.

Then I met Gideon. We first met via online in a roleplay gaming environment. He's obsessive as fuck, and.... well, to be honest? He did all the work. Hell, I -still- feel (over 7 years later) that he does the lion's share of the work in our relationship. But he's happy, and I'm happy.... and for us, it works.

So I guess what I'm saying is that yes, it can work out. It does work out. Even for introverts. Enjoy the present, and let the future take care of itself yeah?

[MikeW]

I'm not the most beautiful guy, was and am very much an introvert... more on the arty philosophical end of the spectrum than the scientific end... but I've always had a fascination for science as well. Even so, ... and even with severe depression at times... I've managed to fall in love three times and have three LTRs.

I believe introverts need to pay attention to themselves in a special way. We need to understand how what works for us and what doesn't and accept that. We're not like extroverts. Hell we're not even like "ordinary people" (who may be a mixture of both). We have our own way of looking at things and thinking about things.

The thing is, we can discover very important things, what I call "my truth." If I know my truth and can express it fairly well, then there is the possibility of allowing other people to know and express their truth as well. This puts a relationship in a whole other perspective. I fall into one because I meet someone who fascinates me. He may be an extrovert, we may have many things, or few things, in common. But we find one another interesting enough that we very quickly learn to get beyond our social masks, our facades, and speak to one another truthfully about important things (things important to us personally). We talk about what we want or dream of. We talk about what we're afraid of, what worries us. We talk about our strengths and weaknesses. We get to know one another on something deeper than a simply "social" (hihowahya, sup?) level.

That's how I've done it anyway, with both friends and lovers. Oh, yeah, and my friends and lovers are all extraordinary people in some way. Most of them can't stand one another (which has always puzzled me a bit, LOL!) but I think that's mainly because they're all such strong personality types. I *see* them. I *get* them. And they see and get me, too. So it works out most of the time.