Finally Moved Away From Home... and Hating It.

[Anonymous]

I stayed home way too long, that much I know. It's made the inevitable move only harder, not easier. I lived with my mother and brother, and we were all very close. My house was quiet, and clean (completely thanks to me). It was a safe haven.

I have terrible anxiety just trying to operate like a normal person out in the world... dealing with... ugh, people. Home was a place to recharge. I fucking love home.

A friend (I'm in college) talked me into to moving out into a house with him and 2 other guys. It seemed like a great idea. I got a second job at a wal-mart like store/pharmacy to pay for it and I fucking hate it. I deal with dick bosses and angry customers. I've been called a faggot now by two separate customers in the last two months (just to give a taste of what I deal with).

Now I'm a few days into this new living situation. My roommates are having a party in the rest of the house as I type this with people I don't know. I'm in the middle of party neighborhood in a college town. They're also unbelievable slobs. My new house has a floor... I'm guessing. It's just a theory. I've never actually seen it. The mess is uncontrollable. I feel anxious just trying to get to the bathroom to take a piss.

I guess I'll get used to it, but at the moment I feel quite sick. Between the shitty job and the shitty living situation, there are no good parts. I also miss my dogs. It's dumb, I know. But I really really do.

Should I just suck it up and deal with the fact that this is just how life is supposed to be? I'm not happy with this. I am very sad.

[Anonymous]

There's an addendum this all. I have a very weird medical condition. Without boring you all with the details, the relevance is that because of it, I have never spent a night away from home. Yes... I know. How bizarre, I agree.

Sleeping is a bit dangerous for me. I have to be hooked up to a machine that pumps a certain liquid in me that keeps me alive. If something goes wrong or the machine malfunctions, I'll die. I've been in several comas throughout my life because of such things.

Because of this my mom has always been very nervous about me moving out (and honestly, so have I). This has turned me into more of a... what's the word? I don't know... mama's boy? Pussy, I guess? Either way, it's just made this whole thing that much more difficult.

[Cridders88]

"Should I just suck it up and deal with the fact that this is just how life is supposed to be? I'm not happy with this. I am very sad."

In short, no you shouldn't.

I'm not entirely sure what country you live in (USA?), so I'm not sure what it's like for gay people in your area, but it saddens me to hear that you've suffered homophobic abuse from customers at work. I'm guessimg as you call your bosses "dick bosses", they don't give you any back up either. Continuing in this job is only bound to cause you more misery. You need to try and look for other jobs and plan your way put of there.

I certainly wouldn't put up with your flatmate's behaviour. Sure, they are having a party, have they tried to include you at all? Assuming you'd want to be included? An occasional party like this is fine, but it sounds like they are doing it all of the time, something that you shouldn't have to put up with.

There is also no excuse for leaving the place as a tip all the time. Sure, I don't think you can expect the place to be spotless all the time, but that's no reason for them to trash the place and not bother cleaning up. That would drive me mad!

You need to talk with them about your anxieties. If they don't listen, you need to get out of there. If they are truly your friends, then they will. Perhaps they don't know how you're feeling. But you certainly shouldn't have to "get used to it". It's your place as much as theirs.

[LONDONER]

What I don't understand is why you moved in the first place and I certainly wouldn't put up with your present living conditions. However, if you moved back home again you willl have to face the eventuality that those conditions won't last forever and you will be faced with yet another situation, unless of course, your "fuel injection" system fails one night and you don't come out of the coma.

Apologies if I am sounding blunt, I don't mean to be, but I would most certainly look for alternative accommodation if I were you. You're unhappy with your work and unhappy with your fellow house sharers. Why continue to be unhappy?.

[Anocxu]

So let's pretend I'm your older wiser brother that truly cares I'll tell you..

Make the best of what you have .. make it better.. till you can do better.

Keep your eyes open for a better job and better roommates.

While you do that..

The new rule is to do a bit of research before you make any 'new' decisions.

So now living on your own..
You are definitely aware of what does NOT work for you.. You are more sensitive to what makes you happy ..so now you know what to look for when you move forward.

Smarter planning and research <----
Keep this in mind with everything you do and
I promise it will get better.

Talk to your roommates as Cridder stated.
Messy can be ok ..but filth is for pigs.

[Anocxu]

Oh by the way..
Congratulations for manning up and moving out.

[Cuddly]

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

It sounds miserable, but workable. Tell your roomies how you feel and if they don't stop living like children, hopefully you can move out.
As for the job situation, that sure does suck, but what options do you have? Is it necesary for you to suck it up or can you find a new job?

I'm curious, what's the name of the sleep disorder?

[Darius]

It sounds like you are homesick. Didn't you also start a thread about how badly your mother treated you? Your homelife with her was not as ideal as you want to remember it. I can understand completely you missing your dogs. But this place might be bad not only for your anxiety but for your health issues. If your roomies found you unconscious or in trouble, would they know what to do?
The really bad part is that this experience might put you off independent living for a long time. If the situation were different, you would likely have less issues, but either way, moving out on your own for the first time is traumatic for some people.
Only you can decide if you should move back home, but if you do, don't let yourself feel like a failure and get down on yourself about it. It is your life, you live it as you need to.

[East]

May I ask...are you the same guy who recently wrote the post about wanting to move out?

Either way..the one thing that stands out for me...you say you have been in comas because if the machine malfunctions you could die?

Bottom line..the situation you are in doesn't sound like it would be very desirable if this was to occur.

You need to rethink the living situation quickly....sounds like living at home has got this beat....

Can you go back?

[MikeW]

I stayed home way too long, that much I know. ....

Well, that may be true, I wouldn't know.

First thing I want to say is you put yourself down WAY WAY too much. Look at how you wrote stuff, how you're always anticipating judgement from others and so apply it to yourself in advance. This is a habit I strongly encourage you to break. Thinking negative thoughts about yourself just makes life more difficult and miserable. Sure all of us make mistakes, all of us have our quirks or whatever, none of us are perfect. Although it is important to recognize our challenges, things we could do better, it is also important to balance that with positive views of the GOOD things we do... and I'm sure you have them. We all do... just give those a bit more attention, please! :wavy:

Now as to your situation: I don't know why you moved out. Were you having problems at home? For sure the situation you've moved into sounds very uncomfortable for you. Other guys would probably totally dig it but that's not who you are. You need to respect that. Living with roommates, especially college age mates, is always a challenge for those of us who like peace, quiet, tidiness, cleanliness, and so on.

So, is there some reason you can't move back home again? Sounds like that's what you need to do, especially given you medical condition. So far as I'm concerned, there's no shame in that. You tried something different for a change and it doesn't suit you. So, you take a step back and re-group. For sure you're going to want to live away from home but you also want a living situation that works for you. Lord knows being a student... a serious student... is difficult enough without feeling like you're overwhelmed both at work and in your living situation. IMO, its better to take care of yourself and get out of a bad situation and THEN begin to re-group about the future.