Finding attractive an image that most guys don't have

[meridannight]

Drugs and alcohol just aren't my thing. I know everyone does them but I'd rather be around people who don't. Don't even bother arguing with me about this because I've heard it all before. Finding a guy who doesn't drink or do drugs is impossible. So I'm pretty much doomed to a life of misery.

was not gonna argue it. to each their own. i don't care for alcohol much either. i only enjoy quality champagne (Piper-Heidsieck, Deutz, Taittinger), but hard alcohol is not my thing. the high is not 'pure'. that's why i prefer drugs -- because the high is usually more defined and clear, than what alcohol produces.

but that's me.

[MikeW]

I've done EVERYTHING for my depression- in-patient, out-patient, medications, therapists, for years and years. Nothing works. I think giving up is justified in this case.

Also pretty damn annoyed that my posts take like a fucking week to show up.

You do understand that the only person or thing that can "save" you is yourself, right?

I seriously doubt that at age 22 you've tried "everything"... but even if you have, if nothing is working for you then that suggests to me that you aren't "working" it (or working with it).

I don't know you and don't really know what to say that might get through to you but what I see here is you're very negative; you've made up your mind that your life is and will continue to be worthless and unfulfilling. It looks as though you've become totally "identified" with this negative POV. Understand what that means? You mistake it as being WHO YOU ARE and, therefore, any attempt to change it or help you get through it or beyond it is experienced as a direct threat TO YOU. So, no matter what anyone says, what medical interventions are provided, nothing works because you don't really WANT it to. You are thoroughly intrenched in your own suffering and can't even imagine being yourself, or even living, without it.

LOL... You may not believe this but I was very much like you when I was near your age. Perhaps not quite as far gone but close. NOTHING anyone said or did made a difference. I was too much of a coward to actually kill myself (although I thought about it a lot) and was just miserable. Nothing and no one measured up to my expectations. There was simply no helping any of it.

That changed. How it changed is a bit of a mystery even to me. Maybe I just "grew up" a bit and stopped whining so much. Maybe I finally got out into the real world where I had to make a living and support myself and discovered there simply wasn't time for all this self-absorbed self-imposed misery. I don't know. But at some point, around age 24/25, I began to take direct action FOR MYSELF to find out what was causing me so much anguish and what, if anything *I* could do about it.

You're welcome to come here and rant and rave and piss and moan all you want or need. Maybe it will do you some good, I don't know. (If you want to avoid the system holding some posts, go to some of the game threads and just post randomly to get your post-count up to 50 and that won't happen any more.) What I do know is that no one, no one here, no one anywhere, can help you get beyond yourself if you, yourself, don't cooperate in the process. Until you're ready to fight your way out of your own self-imposed emotional prison, right there you'll stay: Safe from experiencing both the real joy and real pain of living a human life.

[subdivisions]

Maybe I finally got out into the real world where I had to make a living and support myself and discovered there simply wasn't time for all this self-absorbed self-imposed misery. I don't know. But at some point, around age 24/25, I began to take direct action FOR MYSELF to find out what was causing me so much anguish and what, if anything *I* could do about it.

Even at work, I get really bad. I have arguments with people who aren't actually there and get really upset. I got into a fight and bit someone, but they weren't actually there. And I tell my psychiatrist all of this, and what does he do? Just tells me to stop. Says it's embarrassing. I'm dead serious. And this guy was recommended by a lot of people. So, you see, I actually do try to get help. Some people just don't want to help me. These psych doctors don't want to help people. Most people I know go through 10+ before they actually find a decent one. Because the system lets the bad ones slip through when they shouldn't even be allowed to practice.

And yeah most people say around 25 they start functioning. In that case, I have like 2-3 years, I may as well just wait and hope it happens.