Relationship that just goes nowhere

[Juanton]

Need some advised. So I've been dating for about 2 years and I've had a lot of dates. It all starts great and a lot of chemistry. But it doesn't last long as we stop running out of things to talk about. The last conversation usually goes like this:

Me: How are you?
Him: Good working
Me: Me too.......

Am I just boring? How do I keep the other person interested?

[MikeW]

...Am I just boring? How do I keep the other person interested?

I don't know if you are boring or not but the example conversation you give is boring. Totally superficial.

You asked the guy how he was; he basically deflected that question with a non answer "good, working". That tells you nothing. Worse yet, you ditto his non-answer. This kind superficial back and forth is NOT a conversation, let alone actual communication.

The first question is, how interested are you really in hearing what someone has to say? The second question is, how willing are you to share your truth with them (whatever it may be)? Indeed someone may be "good" "just fine" "no problem" or w/e... but that begs the question, what's so good? Where's the happiness, the joy, in that "good"? Did you ask, "is anything interesting going on at work? No. Did you notice his body language, his tone of voice and inflection? What is he actually communicating... is there something he's not saying? Does he not feel comfortable saying it? Or is he, possibly like you, so out of touch with his own truth he has no idea what it is, much less how to express it?

Relationships are based on communication. That is not talking about the weather but talking about what is really going on inside one's self; one's thoughts and feelings. And it includes genuine, sincere interest in what the other is experiencing. Without this there can be all kinds of things, sure; but it isn't a real relationship.

I'll also add that "communication" doesn't always have to be in words, either. There are all kinds of ways to "hear" what someone is "saying" if one is sensitive and sincerely interested in "being there" both with and for the other guy.

[Jettalove]

My question is, are these "conversations" happening through text? It sounds like a text convo, which is not a way to have meaningful conversations. Hopefully you are communicating through other means as well, either in person (ideally) or phone or skype. If you want interesting conversations either ask more interesting questions, or give a lot more detail about yourself, which could spark him to do the same. Try writing down some things you'd like to know about him, so you have some ideas of what you want to ask in case you have a difficult time remembering it on the spot.

[jimcrackcorn]

One of the tricks for dating is to prepare a menu of topics to talk about (before the date)...

Young people often work hard & play hard, with little time remaining in the day to set down and catch up on what's happening in the world - or even in their own home town. This often leads to a lack of conversation topics that are recent and interesting.

Your date may not be interested in some topics, so have several ready. Read up on the latest News, this should provide you with several starting points. Also read articles about the latest car fads, some sports, maybe even the latest dieting craze. Don't forget about magazines, they provide an amusing array of topics with which you can use when dating.

If your texting, you could say something like: "Did you hear about the aircraft that almost crashed after a Buzzard flew into it's windshield - I never heard of a buzzard hitting a plane before!! That's really crazy....." This topic can lead to further conversation about Buzzards, which I find a rather amusing topic because I used to call senior citizens "Old Buzzards" when I was a kid (smile)...

Topics about the LGBT community are always a good place to start, but be sure to have other topics ready to use so you don't come across as being a one-hit-wonder with only one thing on your mind.....

Good luck, and happy hunting,,,,
Jimeroooo

[Anocxu]

One of the tricks for dating is to prepare a menu of topics to talk about (before the date)...

Young people often work hard & play hard, with little time remaining in the day to set down and catch up on what's happening in the world - or even in their own home town. This often leads to a lack of conversation topics that are recent and interesting.

Your date may not be interested in some topics, so have several ready. Read up on the latest News, this should provide you with several starting points. Also read articles about the latest car fads, some sports, maybe even the latest dieting craze. Don't forget about magazines, they provide an amusing array of topics with which you can use when dating.

If your texting, you could say something like: "Did you hear about the aircraft that almost crashed after a Buzzard flew into it's windshield - I never heard of a buzzard hitting a plane before!! That's really crazy....." This topic can lead to further conversation about Buzzards, which I find a rather amusing topic because I used to call senior citizens "Old Buzzards" when I was a kid (smile)...

Topics about the LGBT community are always a good place to start, but be sure to have other topics ready to use so you don't come across as being a one-hit-wonder with only one thing on your mind.....

Good luck, and happy hunting,,,,
Jimeroooo

So this is the reason a date is like an interview?..

[jimcrackcorn]

So this is the reason a date is like an interview?..

Hey handsome!!!

I wouldn't interview a date,,,,, except to ask what size his sword is, and how much money he has in his wallet. Just Kidding <fleeeeeeeee>

I have been out of the dating pool so long that I have no idea what they do nowadays, or how they do it (smile). So,,,, my knowledge on the subject of dating is 40 years old.

Feeling much older all of a sudden,,
Jimerooooo

[Virge]

By dating do you mean meeting and going places and doing things together? Maybe that involve touching, kissing and sex?

If you mean something other than that, it aint dating.

If you are talking about a relationship that fits the description above it sure would be nice to hear his side of it. I bet he'd have more to say about it than you did.

[Bookworm]

You can see the tumbleweed blowing through that brief text chat. There's a distinct lack of interest bleeding through. Unless he really was busy and only had time for a quick response. The 'me too' reply killed that dead though.

There needs to be some common ground, enthusiasm and interest from both parties in keeping the dialogue going, and also depends on what you both want. Honest communication. Maybe you are trying too hard? I don't know, it's difficult to comment on without knowing more about you and the patterns you say you keep falling into.

[Anocxu]

Dates usually terrify me..
Some men take a practical approach..
They want to spend the time to get to know you..

Others think they can sum you up in an hour or two based on a few superficial details.

It's amazing to see some men throw the book at you .. In the space of an hour to see if you are the one..

*Excuse me my date*
*I am going to the rest room*




Forever!!!

[Cobalt]

Just a few things to spark conversation:

-Talk about your interests. See what they have in common with you. Ask about theirs, see what you have in common with them.

-Ask about their day, latch onto any details that seem interesting. Even if there's nothing there, find anything to delve deeper into and see what comes of it. If they have nothing good to say, talk about your own day and see if they care enough to ask about anything relating to it.

-Ask them if they have seen any movies, read any books, heard a good song (whatever you're into) lately. Yes, it's sort of cheesy small talk but if you both have a good interest in the topic, it can spark many other conversation topics.

-Compliment them on something. Hair, clothes, cologne, whatever. Asking them where they got something (from the previous list) can get them talking. If it's from a store you like, talk to them about that. If you have a similar taste in style/clothes make a date out of it. Go shopping together. Lame? Kind of, but if you are grasping at straws for conversation you probably don't have a good way to set up another date. This is one way of doing it.

-Food. This a pretty safe topic, it's almost impossible to meet someone who can't talk about food. Do they cook, where is their favorite place to eat, would they like to go somewhere special for another date? If they end up liking to cook and you do too (or are willing to learn if you don't) see if you can cook something together.

Sports/athletics. See if they're into watching sports or better yet playing them. Do they like to walk/jog? Ask if you can do something physical together (with clothes on preferably) if you're into it.

There's millions of things to talk about but those I mentioned usually apply to large groups of people. Just get creative and gauge the individual. Talk about what you know would interest them. The weather, work, the news, usually will lead to dead ends. Focus on things that are more open ended and require more personal input.