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What I really hate are guys that say they forget, give them the benefit of the doubt and re-schedule and then cancel last minute...
Or how it takes 48 hours to get a response to "Hey how are you?" I get that people have busy lives but when you have that gut feeling they're full of shit...they probably are and if then to deny everything and blame you well that makes them a hypocrite.
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axle2152 Wrote:What I really hate are guys that say they forget, give them the benefit of the doubt and re-schedule and then cancel last minute...
Or how it takes 48 hours to get a response to "Hey how are you?" I get that people have busy lives but when you have that gut feeling they're full of shit...they probably are and if then to deny everything and blame you well that makes them a hypocrite.
I can't say as I LIKE it when these things happen to me, but I usually take this to mean "I'm not much of a priority to this person". That doesn't necessarily they don't like me - or even find me interesting - but they obviously aren't putting in much effort to make anything happen. When this sort of stuff happens to me, I found the best thing to do is just move the onus for anything happening back onto them. "Sorry you had to cancel. If you'd like to get together again sometime, let me know." "If you'd like to chat sometime, hit me up." This puts the responsibility back on them, and I feel free to go pursue other options.
Lex
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Lexington Wrote:I can't say as I LIKE it when these things happen to me, but I usually take this to mean "I'm not much of a priority to this person". That doesn't necessarily they don't like me - or even find me interesting - but they obviously aren't putting in much effort to make anything happen. When this sort of stuff happens to me, I found the best thing to do is just move the onus for anything happening back onto them. "Sorry you had to cancel. If you'd like to get together again sometime, let me know." "If you'd like to chat sometime, hit me up." This puts the responsibility back on them, and I feel free to go pursue other options.
Lex
Oh I know and I am nice...to a point about that sort of stuff. But still if they were putting nill effort into it then why bother in the first place. Really sucks when people leave you hanging, like I'll text you when I'm ready crap.
Just blows me mind because if they wanted to go on a date you would think there would be some priority to make it happen. Of course, the people who have done that probably don't value anyone's time but their own. People are selfish not that it is surprise or anything. I just think that if you commit to a date...do it and if you can cancel, just not 30 minutes beforehand. Perhaps I expect too much...
I don't bother with guys who pull that crap, but it still ticks me off when it happens....seems to happen far too often.
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Nothing wrong with getting your hopes up, and totally understandable getting peeved when things don't go well. But resentment is a burden best left at the side of the road. Better to shrug it off and go focus on more fruitful searches.
Lex
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That is very true, definitely getting better at not kicking a dead horse per say...
Crummy guys aside, I think looking forward at other things I'm not well experienced with are probably key... The guy I'm dating right now is great, wonderful person... So to all the guys who were no-shows, your loss.
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Lexington Wrote:Nothing wrong with getting your hopes up, and totally understandable getting peeved when things don't go well. But resentment is a burden best left at the side of the road. Better to shrug it off and go focus on more fruitful searches.
Lex
I am beginning to feel resentful of this, and him, and of gay men who seem decent but then flake out.
Thank you all for the feedback (though my topic has been slightly "hijacked," it is still helpful).
I have decided I do not want to tolerate this. I wrote a long text but haven't sent it (with a "call me" at the end). I also am considering just calling him... My fear is that he will answer while preoccupied and "call me back later," or he won't answer, I'll leave a message asking him to call me, and he won't.
EDIT: My text basically says that I thought he was interested but now I'm a little confused because of the lack of follow through, and that I thought our first date went very well, so help me understand where you stand.
Trying to figure out which approach will get me in touch with him directly. Because I want this straightened out. So... guys?
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Well calling him would be the most direct approach but could be busy at work or something else, so texting probably just as well... Aside from that, if he doesn't reply to your text in a reasonable amount of time, I would call it another flake. I mean could be wrong, but most of the time it's a flake... Happened to me enough times, enough that it doesn't upset me quite like it used to...
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I still prefer my approach (not surprisingly, I guess). You can flesh it out a bit if you'd like. "Sorry we haven't connected recently. Still interested in another date but haven't gotten much sense that you're interested. If you are, hit me up." There - done.
Hint - if his next contact is over three days away, he's only "interested" when he has absolutely nothing else going on. Usually that means "nothing good on TV", as well. 
Lex
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What I always lack the presence of mind to do is to jump when he says, "Yeah, Monday or Tuesday would be good." What I should do is say, "OK, how about Monday? I'll pick you up at 7." Leaving an opening like that without closing the deal is one of my downfalls.
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LJay Wrote:What I always lack the presence of mind to do is to jump when he says, "Yeah, Monday or Tuesday would be good." What I should do is say, "OK, how about Monday? I'll pick you up at 7." Leaving an opening like that without closing the deal is one of my downfalls.
That frustrates me, because when we talked he said "Monday or Tuesday" and I said "would you like to come to me, or should I come to you this time?" He said we can discuss that later, as it's still a few days out... Maybe that should've been my red flag. Of course you can't blame me when he says "of course I'm still interested!" with such enthusiasm.
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After the first date...
