After the first date...

[MFax74]

Hi everyone. I have been getting great advice from you all since I started here. It is hard to find gay men's dating advice on the internet and when I listen to what you all say I really do take it to heart--and it has made me happier and has helped me move forward with things.

Anyway... I have been dating a bit for the past month or so. I had a first date a few days ago and it was awesome! I will leave the details out for now, and instead ask you this:

What is a good way of moving forward after a first date that, in your opinion, went very well? What is proper "protocol" or "etiquette" if you are really interested in the other guy?

Thanks everyone.

[LJay]

Wash well, rinse and dry carefully so that you are ready for the second date.

After a day or so, call him up [no texting] and say you had a great time and would he like to set up a time to get together again.

[Anonymous]

im too out of it to readt he initian op but he broke my heart h mand more

[MikeW]

Hi everyone. I have been getting great advice from you all since I started here. It is hard to find gay men's dating advice on the internet and when I listen to what you all say I really do take it to heart--and it has made me happier and has helped me move forward with things.

Anyway... I have been dating a bit for the past month or so. I had a first date a few days ago and it was awesome! I will leave the details out for now, and instead ask you this:

What is a good way of moving forward after a first date that, in your opinion, went very well? What is proper "protocol" or "etiquette" if you are really interested in the other guy?

Thanks everyone.

You're right, it is difficult to find good dating advice. For the most part gay men don't start dating until they're in their 20s where most straight kids start dating in their teens. Moreover, there's a whole "culture" for them to date in...

Gay dating is both like and completely different from straight dating. Now, just how that is so will vary more or less with the individuals involved. But just on the surface of it, the fact is MOST (not all but most) young guys aren't really interested in "dating" (as in finding a life partner) as they are in finding someone to have fun with.

There's nothing wrong with that, IMO. The main thing is people need to be honest with themselves and one another about what they want.

Like in this situation you've enjoyed a good time with this guy and you'd like it to move forward. That's what you'd like. The question is, is that what he wants too? The general principal here is it's a good idea to keep things on an even keel between the two of you. If one of you begins to invest more, emotionally, in the relationship than the other, then things can very quickly get out of balance. Usually that does not end well.

So for sure, as [MENTION=20933]LJay[/MENTION] said, let the guy know you're interested in getting together again. See where he's at about it. Beyond that, just take it slow. Learn to "read" what's going on with the other guy, what's not being said. That is, learn to "listen" with more than your ears. It may take some time to find out whether there is a MUTUAL thing developing. Keep focused and aware but also practice patience. In metaphorical terms: Don't push the river, just go with the flow and see where it takes you.

[MikeW]

im too out of it to readt he initian op but he broke my heart h mand more

If you're that out of it, maybe you shouldn't be posting at all.

[hasher22]

Here's my general rule when dating.

My definition of dating;
- Meeting someone that has a potential of being more than friends. Not meeting as 'friends' but a person you would genuinely to have a deeper connection with
- Though when meeting, things can change such as;
- - You don't see them as a potential partner
- - You see them more as a friend / good friend
- - No chemistry

Getting back to dating, here are my personal rules for dating if I have somewhat interest
- Must book a place to socialise.
- - For example: Dinner, lunch, fair. Somewhere we can talk on the first date
- Will not go to a first date to a movie, double date or social gathering like a party or dinner party
- Do not have sex on the first date, if things go well and a second date, third etc, will have sex most prob on the fourth or fifth date.
- After the first date, there is a 3 day rule when either party will contact each other. Again, this is generalising, depending on the chemistry it can be 1 or 2 days.

In your situation, I usually contact the person, if I haven't heard from him usually on the second or third day and see what they say. Even then, they could contact you regarding a second date.

Good luck, have fun and update us!

[deltalover4]

Hi everyone. I have been getting great advice from you all since I started here. It is hard to find gay men's dating advice on the internet and when I listen to what you all say I really do take it to heart--and it has made me happier and has helped me move forward with things.

Anyway... I have been dating a bit for the past month or so. I had a first date a few days ago and it was awesome! I will leave the details out for now, and instead ask you this:

What is a good way of moving forward after a first date that, in your opinion, went very well? What is proper "protocol" or "etiquette" if you are really interested in the other guy?

Thanks everyone.

You're very lucky to have a good first date. I'm not sure I've had a first date that blew me out of the water.

[MFax74]

Hey all,
So after the first date, he and I spoke now and then... It was tough to get a read on him but when I asked him on Saturday if he's still interested in meeting up again he said "of course" and said Monday or Tuesday would work for him. I called him on Sunday and he never called back, but he texted me late at night to say hi...

Texted good morning to him yesterday (Monday) at work, just to say hey. No reply. Called him after work, he answered and said he was at the gym, so I told him to call me back when he was out. He never called back.

It's Tuesday, and tonight would be perfect for me for a second date (better than Monday, anyway). Do I reach out again or should I just drop this dude? I am pretty thrown off by him. I see him online too, with updated profile and all...

When we first started talking he seemed very interested in me. We made it clear what we were looking for in life. Now I'm wondering if he really knows what he's looking for at this time.

[InbetweenDreams]

I have had this happen to me quite often...my advice, unless he starts talking back I wouldn't stress out over it and wished I had someone to tell me the same when I was there...

I once had a date arranged and turned out the guy allegedly got drunk and hungover and was the reason he cancelled the date....but I have often been on dates that I thought went well to find that they pretty much vanished...

So...save yourself the grief and stress worrying and thinking something you did was wrong but wasn't and if he doesn't respond screw him, I don't care how hot he might be. If there's anything that makes a hot guy unattractive it's being a jerk.

[AlfredM]

[MENTION=22999]MFax74[/MENTION] Seems to me that he's too polite to say no to your invitation. It's up to you if you think he deserves your benefit of the doubt,but I personally have had enough with guys like this. The last time, I asked the guy straightforwardly what he thought of our encounter, and I asked that he be as brutally honest as possible, and I'm glad I did. Turned out he was "assessing" me for potential relationship candidate, and I wasn't even looking for that. You might have made it clear what you each were looking for, but maybe he has made his decision about you. Get on the same page.